Jeff's Revolution

2011-05-02T08:16:00.000-07:00

The weekend saw more good training, and now I am down to the final three weeks before the 10K. This next two weeks will be very important as i don't want to rely too much on the final week, I just want to tick over then.
I have been avoiding weighing myself and measuring my body fat for the last few weeks, but for a reason. I am due to get a proper fitness assessment done and thought I could use the more accurate measurements I get then as the benchmark. Once done I will then measure my body fat with my calipers and my weight with my scales and see if they tally up the same. Then its time to burn the fat away!!
After watching UFC129 I think its time I stepped into the octagon. I Love watching the shows with GSP training(did you see him doing gymnastics), he certainly is dedicated, but how boring is his fights? He is so technical its like watching a robot fight, no imagination. He needs to face up to a scrapper next time to see what he is made of!!

2011-04-27T08:33:00.001-07:00

Last week I was on holiday with the schools being off, it was great to spend time with Kim and Aisha. The downturn in business over the last couple of years may have hit me in the pocket, but the more family time spent has been a bonus.
Training is still going well, though i need to increase the weight lifting side. The running and swimming are going well, and i am starting to feel the difference. I haven't weighed myself and measured my body fat, as I am due a fitness assessment and was going to use the measurements taken then as the bench mark to work from.
Just over three weeks to go until the 10k race, and I think I am in an OK position just now, but I have to keep the pace up, no missing sessions!!!
Diet wise things are going OK, but I need to find some variety in my food as I am starting to get bored of the same stuff!!

2011-04-08T06:02:00.000-07:00

its been a really good week, swimming every day this week, running 4 nights so far. diet has been clean, and iam feeling positive. Next week I am on holiday and really aim to up the stakes, doing as much as i can without injuring myself!! Last night i watched the opening show of the new series of The Ultimate Fighter, good to see an old friend of AMAG's Erik Paulson on the show assisting Brock Lesnar's team. Filled my head with happy memories of Pat!!

2011-04-05T05:28:00.000-07:00

Decent day yesterday, went out swimming at lunchtime, done 20 x 25m lengths, then more running at night. Today I also went swimming, another 20 lengths. Tonight i will rest as i have friends round for tea. i have momentum with me, I have to keep this going, but am confident I can. The big thing has been giving myself that carrot on the end of the stick. Why didn't I think of this years ago!!!!!

48 days to go

2011-04-04T02:00:00.000-07:00

Last week was my first full week training. So how did it go. Bad start to the week, forgot to take my weight and body fat percentage. But that's OK, not a big deal. So i had 5 running sessions, 1 swimming session and two kettlebell sessions. Conclusion, decent start to the week but I need to up the pace. Swimming on Saturday morning, the first time I have done lengths in years. Funny thing with swimming is, when you start to struggle you take in water and start to splutter!! I was struggling to cope with my breathing, when to breath, when not to, and spluttered a couple of times!! But it was good fun, and surprisingly harder work than I expected. That afternoon I headed to the gym for some running on the treadmill. Really enjoyed it, and tracking my progress was much easier. Tonight I head back for an hour on the treadmill which will be a good benchmark of where I am fitness wise. Diet wise things have been good. Tried to calorie and nutrition count last week, but it is very hard. For example on Wednesday Kim had made mince and tatties. I had a small portion for supper. Because I hadn't cooked it or measured it, I couldn't include it so the whole days counting went to pot!! I have decided to keep the same eating regime going, small meals every two and half hours, clean foods like wholewheat pasta, wholewheat bread, chicken, turkey and vegetables, but forget about counting the nutrition. Will see how that goes. If it doesn't work i will review. This week i will need to increase the amount of running I do. As usual I find it hard to work into my schedule, but I read an article with Georges St-Pierre who said all his training is fight based, he doesn't do any running, skipping etc as he doesn't do that in the octagon so why would he train to do it. His cardio, strength training etc all comes from the MMA training he does. Good theory I thought. So I decided If i ever have to decide between say kettlebells or running for that days exercise, running should always prevail as that is what my focus is on just now!!

2011-03-30T07:58:00.000-07:00

Training is going well. Last night I repeated the kettlebell routine I done on Sunday. I also went out for a run late at night. Performance wise this wasn't so good, i was tired from the kettlebells, and I left it too late to go out. While running three things came to mind. I need to shift some weight to make the running easier, I really noticed the extra weight I am carrying. Secondly I need to strengthen my legs, as they felt weak last night. Thirdly I need to improve my lung capacity. Plenty to work on over the next few weeks. I have to admit though, signing up for the 10k run has been the perfect motivational tool, it has taken over all my thoughts lately, everything is being geared towards the run. Mentally I still have a lot to go to be able to do this run, but am working towards it. After my runs I have been drinking protein drinks, but am considering changing that to creatine. But first i need to do more research on this.

Spring has Sprung

2011-03-28T04:18:00.000-07:00

Its great that spring is upon us, even though I had to scrape the frost off my windscreen this morning. Training for the 10K is in full swing, and with just less than 8 weeks to go I have a helluva lot of work to do. We have a team for the Baker Hughes and a page for making donations, if anyone is out there in cyberspace and has any spare cash, please donate to a worthy cause. The link is http://www.justgiving.com/teamroadnitrate Yesterday I completed a kettlebell workout that consisted of the following. All were 3 x 12 reps Shoulder Swings Full Body Swings Full Body high Pull Overhead Shoulder Press Leg Squat(only using 1 kettlebell) Uni Bent Over Row Chest Press(only using 1 kettlebell) Ab Crunch Side Bend I also got out on my bike yesterday. It was good being out, shame the rain came on half way out. The lighter nights feels good, and will help me to stay active. I have also written up a spreadsheet to help track my food intake. Tonight, I will be out for a run, tomorrow or Wednesday I will incorporate swimming to my routine. Feeling positive just now, and I need to keep that going!!

Still here

2011-03-22T06:02:00.000-07:00

My friend Dave died last month, his body completely taken by cancer, only 41 years old and with a one year old daughter. His death was quite sudden and knocked me for 6. I suppose the one question i kept going back to was, whats the fucking point of life? I mean, there is no rhyme and reason to anything. Pat and Dave have both been taken by cancer related illnesses, and two nicer kinder guys you couldn't meet, so what is the point? What does life mean? I really don't know the answer to that one!! Anyway, truth be told i kind of gave up any focus on anything, couldn't be bothered with anything. But as time went on, i realised how stupid i was being, life did matter, well it does to my daughter, and that means it means something to me. If nothing else on this planet, I should always strive to do the best for her. And that means keeping to my long term plans. but talking and doing are two different things, ask anyone who has battled with their weight. So I needed an extra push, and that came with me signing up for the Baker Hughes 10k run in May. It looks like three of us from work will run, and we will be raising money for Inspire, a charity that supports those with learning difficulties.
I have been doing sporadic exercise, but have now got 9 weeks to get into shape to run 10k, this will be a huge challenge, but one I am up for!!

2011-01-25T04:44:00.001-08:00

With my father in laws funeral out of the way I can get down to concentrating on shifting this weight. Last week was poor, only two running sessions, which was way below what I hoped. My stats for this week are below

Age: 39
Height: 5' 9"
Weight: 211 lbs
% Body Fat: 28.1%
Lean Body Mass: 151.71lbs
Fat Mass: 59.29lbs

Overall a loss of 3lbs is positive, but i cant get my fat mass to shift away from 28.1%. To be honest with the funeral last week and a night out on Saturday I expected my stats to remain the same, so a shift down is good.
I have been discussing running the Baker Hughes 10k run in May. I have enjoyed the running so far, and will look to sign up next month. A colleague's wife has been diagnosed with Motor Neurones Disease and has only been given two years to live. As a healthy 30 year old it has been very hard to take, so a group of us are going to raise money for a MN charity. That should be good inspiration for us!!

2011-01-18T04:36:00.001-08:00

Its been a messy start to the year. Everything was going fine until Christmas eve, then my mum got taken into hospital and things went all to pot. Christmas day was a bit of a shambles, spent driving about and visiting, and that was the routine for the next few days. Then on New Years Eve, Kims dad had a seizure and was taken into hospital. He got moved to Roxburgh house where he lasted until Wednesday 12th January before passing away.
This has meant that my routine has been all over the place, missing work to look after Aisha etc. I have tried my best to keep to a routine but it has been tough.
Anyway, last night i went out for a run, and managed 15 x 1 minute runs followed by 1 minute walks. This was pretty tough as my running had been sporadic and i am full of the cold. But i got it done. I also took my measurements.

Age: 39
Height: 5' 9"
Weight: 214 lbs
% Body Fat: 28.1
%Lean Body Mass: 153.87lbs
Fat Mass: 60.13lbs

I'm still not convinced i am reading the calipers correctly as i never see any difference in percentage. But there has only been a small movement over the festive period. I am back on track with the eating plan, and back on track with the fitness routine, so over the next few weeks expect to see some movement. I am looking at splitting my goals into monthly sections. Hopefully this will help me achieve them if i break them up into smaller targets.

Last night I also worked out my BMR(basic metabolic rate) based on my stats which is 2006. I then worked out my TDEE(total daily energy expenditure) which is 3109 calories a day. This means my aim should be around the 2300 calories a day. Split into 6 meals that is 383 calories a meal. I still need to get more technical with my diet, and start writing things down more.

2010-12-22T05:22:00.000-08:00

Here are week 4 results
Age: 39
Height: 5' 9"
Weight: 211 lbs
% Body Fat: 28.1%
Lean Body Mass: 152lbs
Fat Mass: 59 lbs

ok, so looking at the figures it looks like i have once again lost Lean Body Mass but the calipers I use show 30-31mm as 28.1% body fat, and my measurement is down from 31 to 30mm, so i feel there has been progress made. Certainly my overall weight is down and that is good. I am taking steps in the right direction with the eating, splitting my meals down, avoiding junk, simple really. It has an effect on family life and can be tough, not eating with the family due to other constraints, but not that big a deal in the grand scheme of things.The fitness side has been bad this week. A culmination of long working hours, Christmas build up and very bad weather has made it tough, and all i have wanted to do was hibernate. Last night was -14 deg C and it hasnt been much above freezing for the last week. The roads have been trechorious, so things have ground to a halt. But I made a decision if the fitness suffered the diet wouldn't. So looking back on the week i am happy enough all things considered. This next week is the big challenge, not to put on wieght over Christmas. I have already decided to treat Christmas day as a normal day, i dont want things disrupted because I am eating my meals over 5 sittings! But I will avoid the usual excess as best I can!!

2010-12-08T04:26:00.001-08:00

Here are my stats for week 2 of my challenge

Age: 39
Height: 5' 9"
Weight: 218 lbs
% Body Fat: 28.1%
Lean Body Mass: 157lbs
Fat Mass: 61 lbs

Looking at those stats the big shift has been the lean body mass, which is dissapointing. But this could be down to me not measuring myself accurately with the accumeasure body fat calipers. I need to practice more to make sure I am doing it right. When i do it and i take a measurement I am not 100% convinced it is accurate!what is good is i lost 7lb overall. Ok so not as much fat as i wanted, but my weight came down and if nothing else it gave me a positive feeling!!So lets review the last week. Nutrition - i am closer to the 5 meals a day target, but still dont measure my meals and have an accurate calorie amount for each meal. But what I am eating is healthy and balanced. One struggle is the in between meal meals, if that makes sense! What to eat at 10am and 4pm!! But certianly i feel progrss has been made since last week, and it will only get better.Fitness - i completed the first week of my running programme, and it felt good, especially with the weather being so awful. I have also devised a simple kettlebells programme that I will follow, I will post this up in the next couple of days. My finger was dislocated in the car accident but is only badly staved and will be back to normal in a couple of weeks. I tried the kettlebell and it will be fine, press ups etc are still a problem. Once I have the running and kettlebell programme going, and am happy with them I plan to add in some swimming. But thats a couple weeks away. I am trying to progress through to these things. One common mistake I made in the past is I would make these great plans in my head about what I would do and never did. This time it is a different approach.

2010-12-01T02:06:00.000-08:00

Last night I got myself out and done my 30 minute running challenge in the snow. The snow made it harder, as in some places it was like running on sand. so I headed for the local school as the car park was cleared better than most places and ran round the edge of the car park. i did a minute running with two minutes walking for 30 minutes, and coped surprisingly well considering the weather, conditions and the fact i struggled a bit with it last week!!Back out again on Thursday. Tonight i head off to see the Wedding Present at the Tunnels to re-live my youth. Last time I seen them was at the Venue in Aberdeen in '88, when we all had slimmer waists and more hair!!

2010-11-30T05:37:00.000-08:00

WEEK 1
Well thats the first week in, time for a review. I will split it into two sections, fitness and nutrition.
FITNESS - this has been a let down, mostly due to the bad weather. But I cant use that as an excuse. So i will head out tonight running. As I only completed one part of my running plan I will start again from scratch. I also plan to clear out my garage tonight so I can make room for some kettlebell swinging!!
NUTRITION - This has been better than fitness, but is still no where near where I should be. I haven't written up a proper eating plan. I am not controlling my calories, I am still guessing. Where I have made progress is my mental state. Now when I eat something, I think of the good it will do me, and more importantly the harm it will do me. My biggest issue this week has been due to poor planning of meals, I have been going into starvation mode. But I know I am doing it, and I know how to solve it, I just need to concentrate on sorting out the meal plan. Last night was spent making meals for the next couple of days. I will get there eventually!
Below are my new stats for the week
Age: 39Height: 5' 9"Weight: 225 lbs% Body Fat: 28.6%Lean Body Mass: 162lbs Fat Mass: 63 lbs
The change is purely down to me using the accumeasure fat calipers, as my old calipers broke. These should be far more accurate. I am going to measure myself every night, but only to put the practice in so i can get as accurate a reading as possible!
All in all I don't want to beat myself up too much for the last week. My mental attitude is better and that is a big step forward. I didn't expect to lose any weight as I had a day out on Saturday with beer involved, but that's gone and I don't plan any more alcohol until the New Year. This week is another new beginning!

2010-11-23T04:38:00.000-08:00

Yesterday i started my 6 week running routine, Christ it was hard work near the end. I also done what was even harder, i took some photos of myself as a reference. Nothing brings it home more than looking at those photos. i will post them up here but not yet. i took a photo with a newspaper to show the correct date, and will use this as my bench mark. i also took some base stats for me to work on. They are

Age: 39
Height: 5' 9"
Weight: 225 lbs%
Body Fat: 32%
Lean Body Mass: 153lbs
Fat Mass: 72 lbs

Now the first two i cant doing anything about, but the rest will get addresses. I used a set of skin thickness calipers to work out my body fat, i don't know how accurate they are but they will do me. I will measure myself each week. So 72lb of fat to burn off. Last night was a start, unfortunately a woman crashed her car into mine last week and I have injured the finger on my left hand. This will restrict the weight training i had planned, and also the swimming I was going to do, but i cant keep putting this off, so i will do what i can. i have the hospital tomorrow so hopefully the finger is on the mend.
My aim is simple, 2lb a week every week, with no lean body mass lost, and ideally body mass increased due to muscle gain. I know that wont happen straight away, i need to work at it, as I still don't have the nutrition side nailed down yet. Yesterday I tried 5 small meals and the culture change is huge, and will have an impact on my home life, but they understand.
Starting now is also significant because I didn't want to wait until the New Year as I would just put on even more weight over the holidays, not what i want!!

Run Fat Boy Run

2010-11-04T05:12:00.000-07:00

I have come across an ideal running plan to get me started. it covers 6 miles and takes someone who is a poor runner into someone who can run for 30 minutes. This will be stage 1. The plan is

Week 1
Monday - run 1 min, walk 2 mins, repeat 10 times
Tuesday - rest
Wednesday - run 1 min, walk 1 min, repeat 10 times
Thursday - rest
Friday - rest
Saturday - run 1 min, walk 1 min, repeat 15 times
Sunday - rest

Week 2
Monday - run 2 mins, walk 2 mins, repeat 6 times
Tuesday - rest
Wednesday run 2 mins, walk 2 mins, repeat 10 times
Thursday - rest
Friday - rest
Saturday - run 2 mins, walk 1 min, repeat 10 times
Sunday - rest

Week 3
Monday - run 3 mins, walk 3 mins, repeat 5 times
Tuesday - rest
Wednesday - run 3 mins, walk 2 mins, repeat 6 times
Thursday - rest
Friday - rest
Saturday - run 5 mins, walk 1 min, repeat 10 times
Sunday - rest

Week 4
Monday - run 6 mins, walk 3 mins, repeat 4 times
Tuesday - rest
Wednesday - run 5 mins, walk 2 mins, repeat 4 times
Thursday - rest
Friday - rest
Saturday - run 8 mins, walk 3 mins, repeat 3 times
Sunday - rest

Week 5
Monday - run 8 mins, walk 2 mins, repeat 3 times
Tuesday - rest
Wednesday - run 10 minutes, walk 2 mins, repeat 2 times
Thursday - rest
Friday - rest
Saturday - run 20 minutes
Sunday - rest

Week 6
Monday - run 12 Min's, walk 2 Min's, repeat 2 times
Tuesday - rest
Wednesday - run 15 Min's, walk 2 Min's, repeat 2 times
Thursday - rest
Friday - rest
Saturday - run 30 minutes
Sunday - rest

All this effort to go from walking and being out of breath to being able to run 30 minutes will take combined just over 9 hours of my time over the next 6 weeks. Not much is it. It also means i can work in other exercises such as kettlebells without impacting on my time too much.

2010-11-01T05:51:00.000-07:00

This weekend I re-read some of my most recent posts, a little reminder of where I am. I covered diet, and with that i know what I need to do. I also covered metabolism, and that is linked to diet(frequent meals) and also to exercise. So what will I need to do with that? Well lets start with the kettlebell. I will use this for strength and cardio vascular exercises. I will also start hitting the pavements with some running. Cycling might not be a great option with the dark nights and colder weather, and I will also do some swimming. One option i haven't considered recently is going to the gym. I don't like the gym, never have. But I have to build muscle to increase my metabolism, so maybe I don't have that option. Will i write out a plan? I don't know, it seems the one thing i am good at is breaking plans!! I will look at other options as well, like walking. I was out this weekend and it was great just to get some air into my lungs. Anything else? One thing i will look at is taking part in some sports. Football would be beyond me just now, but is a future option, but maybe badminton or squash. Lets see.

2010-10-30T02:21:00.000-07:00

Its been nearly two months since I last posted a blog. A lot has happened in the last two months, and my plans have been side railed. My good friend Pat passed away, and that really took the wind out of my sails, then Kims dad was diagnosed with lung cancer which has spread to his brain. But this isnt the right place or time to discuss my feelings at this time. This blog was set up for me to track my fitness progress, and it diverted away to a sound board for me to gripe about life. So its time it got back to being what it was supposed to be.
I have done very little exercise lately, my diet has been poor. Loads of excuses, none of them valid. I re-read my recent posts, and have now got back on track with my earlier aims. I now feel ready to start again.
One thing I havent done with this blog is post any photos, so to change that I am going to post up photos of myself in all my glory, another reminder of why i wanted to start all this. I can then use it as a visual benchmark of where I started. it wont be pretty. But I think by getting it out there it will make me more determined to change. Another big factor is I will be 40 next year, and i dont want to start another decade out of shape. I suppose as I get older health and fitness become even more important, i need to keep reminding myself that!!

Diet

2010-09-08T04:28:00.000-07:00

Diet is going to be my biggest problem, i know, because historically it has been my biggest problem and i cant see how that is going to change. I have looked to see why i have such an issue with food. I can remember as a kid scoffing chocolate biscuits before my parents got up out of their beds! I can remember it pissed them off. i can't remember why I had such a hang up with food. But I continue to try and beat it.
My diet will consist of enough calories to keep my metabolism working hard, but not too much that I start to store more fat. The principal of cutting 500 calories a day by reducing intake by 250 calories and 250 calories burned through exercise is still a good benchmark, but my diet has to contain the right foods, the right balance. But strangely the biggest challenge will be to continue eating all day, splitting into 6 meals a day. The body takes 2.1/2 hours to digest a meal, so i am looking to eating every 2.1/2 to 3 hours. This should mean the metabolism is getting maximum energy from food, the right food. One problem is my lack of real knowledge of food. I need to read up on proteins, carbohydrates and fats so i know what i am putting into me is the right foods!
One challenge will be eating out. Aisha likes a MacDonald's now and again, maybe once a month. Taking her and Kim out without eating will be a real challenge. But one i feel i am ready for.

Metabolism

2010-09-07T04:35:00.000-07:00

I have been doing research into how I can increase my metabolism for weight loss. One is by energy intake, ie food and drink, the other is by exercise. The key is to get the right balance of the two, so i lose weight while my metabolism increases.
Last night I read about the zig zag effect. its where you have a few low calorie days followed by a couple of high calorie days. The theory is that a few days of low calorie intake burns body fat, and before the metabolism can adjust to this new low intake a high calorie day or two increases the metabolic rate, ensuring fat is burned even faster. whether or not this works I don't know yet, i haven't done enough research, but it would make sense as to how I am not hitting 20 plus stones. I know My diet has been bad in the past, and I look at very fat people wondering, on the basis of how much i eat, how much they must put away! Maybe the difference is that most weeks i would start of with great intentions and this would fizzle out. Maybe i was on a zig zag diet without knowing it!!
To get my metabolism going I need to keep exercising, that I know. And one routine that stands out is kettlebells. I think the key with them is they give you a cardiovascular workout while building muscle. Building muscle is going to be key, as this will also increase the metabolism. I want to burn fat, and only fat.
i also need to understand my diet better. when i started this I hoped to keep my diet healthy, without having to make too many changes. This approach was wrong, I need a complete overhaul. The hearty meals is great, but I need to split that into 5 or 6 small healthy meals to get my metabolism going. I am researching how best to do this.
The final thing I am looking at is improving my sensory acuity when it comes to my body. I am going to chart this, and measuring will help, but if i can improve how I understand my own body, and what works and doesn't work for me, then i will have a better chance of succeeding.

Going for Goal

2010-09-06T04:25:00.000-07:00

the last four weeks have seen my mindset change. My diet is steady, but no great, but the major change has been the level of activity. I am far more active than i have ever been, and more importantly I am enjoying it. The kettlebells is great, though i am out more on the bike, trying to use up as much of the summer as i can.
I have also been doing a lot of reading lately, trying to learn more about weight loss. I have also been trying to incorporate NLP into the fray, not easy with my limited knowledge. But I think i am going on the right direction. So this week, i have set myself a target of writing up my goals. I am going to write up a daily goal, a weekly goal, a monthly goal, a quarterly goal and a yearly goal. At the moment i will concentrate on fitness, but I am going to do something similar for my finances. Hopefully by setting targets I have something to aim for. I also want to do a proper assessment of myself physically before I begin, a sort of before and after shot. I am going to take all my measurements, and use them to assess my progress. My one concern and its a big one, is its groundhog day and I have been here so many times before. I don't know why this time its different, but i think the biggest one is that I have been assessing my life recently as I turn 39 next year. That means I am one year away from the big 4 0. A milestone i want to pass in far better shape than i am in now, both physically and financially. So i think with that coming up Its the right time to take it to the next stage.

2010-08-30T08:31:00.000-07:00

last week has carried on pretty much from the week before, started good, fizzled out a bit due to work commitments. Still haven't weighed myself, i am not avoiding it, just haven't got round to it, but will do tonight. Need to get a figure to start from. This weekend I read a report that made more sense than all the articles I have read on weight loss. It was simple, easy to understand, straight to the point. After reading it i thought yes, that's it, that's how easy all this is. I have posted it below. It is aimed at those wanting to lose 10lb, but the facts apply to all weight loss.

Often people are not really overweight but instead are just looking at how to lose 10 pounds that have been hanging around for a few weeks or even a few years that they do not know how to get rid of. Well I have a few ideas on how to lose 10 pounds now and fast that should get you on the right track.
How to Lose 10 Pounds
1. When trying to lose weight it comes down to energy in and energy out. There is no real way around this. To lose 10 pounds you need to burn 35000 calories more than you take in. The math doesn’t lie and you can’t lie to a scale either.
2. Most of our body is water and because of this there is water retention. Your body combats what is throwing off electrolytes or stress or other factors and it will naturally retain water.
3. Fat is high in calories. High water foods are low in calories. In order to change that input output ratio you need to raise the amount of low calorie density foods and lower the amount of high caloric density foods. so eat less red meat and fatty deep fried food and eat more fruits and veggies which are high in water content and nutrients.
4. All weight loss comes with a reason. What is the reason that you want to lose the weight? When you are hungry and drive by a McDonalds or KFC and just want to do drive through what is going to stop you? Certainly not losing weight.

How to Lose 10 Pounds – Pulling this all together
So how do you pull all of this together? how to lose 10 pounds?
When you want to know how to lose weight it comes down to planning. Plan to drink a lot more water, it will make you pee more often but will also clean you out and give you move energy. You also have to get more exercise and by exercise I mean try to get one hour of exercise of any kind in a day. This needs to be exercise that you like and not exercise that just feels like work as that will not be sustainable.
As far as eating goes you will need to get back to those core eating habits of eating fruit and vegetables and reducing the amount of heavy carbs like rice and potatoes and make sure to eat often. Eating smaller meals more often will keep that metabolism up for you.
How to Lose 10 Pounds – Here are 5 lose 10 pounds tips
Eat all your food in 5 or 6 meals a day instead of three
Cut back on your White carbs (rice, potatoes, pasta) and substitute with vegetables, which are higher in water and nutrients anyway
Exercise first thing in the morning by walking or light jogging or even biking for 30 to 45 minutes
Drink water from morning until night to stave off those urges to eat more food and to keep your metabolism up
Eat all your food in those 5 or 6 meals before 7:30 at night so that you are not going to sleep on a full stomach
If you want to know the real secret of how to lose 10 pounds you need to worry about why you are trying to lose weight. On those days where it is really tough to diet or exercise or make good decisions then you need to be very clear what the heck this weight loss sacrifice is for. Is it going to make you more healthy, losing 10 pounds will make you a lot healthier. Or do you want to fit into smaller clothes? Or is it a goal to prove that you are in control of yourself? All of these reasons and more are important. Write you reasons down and post them up everywhere. Make sure that you never forget the WHY of how to lose 10 pounds.
So now you know what I know about how to lose 10 pounds the rest is up to you to plan, eat, drink, exercise and follow through on your goal.

To be able to lose a minimum of 1 pound a week, there’s a simple formula that you must follow.
First, know that 3500 calories equals to one pound. If there are 7 days in a week you can focus on decreasing 500 calories on a daily basis. Now you can either decrease 500 from food, 500 from exercise or 250 from both; food and exercise.
Decreasing 250 calories from food and exercise would be the best option since this will help you lose body fat and increase your lean muscle at the same time.
It’s a pretty simple schedule, but if you can decrease a minimum of 500 calories a day you’ll see 1 pound gone each week!
Double that amount per day and you’ll see a decrease of 2 pounds a week!
That’s how simple and easy it is to shed 1-2 pounds a week!
And in a months time you can see a decrease of up to 8 pounds…

The final paragraph hits it on the head, 3500 calories equals 1lb, split that into 7 days per week equals 500 calories a day. Now I am not going to start counting calories, I know it wont last with me, but the theory is great, and i will use this as a trigger when thinking of weight loss. The positive feeling continues...........

2010-08-23T04:32:00.000-07:00

Another week, another step in the right direction. It started great, Monday through to Thursday seen me on the bike and swinging the kettlebell on alternative night, but it came to a grind over the weekend due to work commitments. i did manage a long walk along the beach on Sunday to watch the speed boats, only to get caught in the downpour and soaked before getting back to the car!!
I have been sitting this morning thinking of a simple plan that wont see me pushed too hard that i wont see it through, and something that i can do so i can measure my progress. I have decided to split into three catagories. Firstly is cylcing. I have to admit I am loving being out on the bike, and will look to do a lot more off road stuff next year. I have a running track close to my house and am going to use that to measure my cycling, timing myself while increasing the distance. Secondly is the kettlebells, I have a simple routine i do where i do double handed swings broken up with press ups or some other free weight activity. I am going to do the same as the cycling, time and measure. Thirdly I am going to do simple press ups, increasing the amouth daily, or weekly, as this works on two areas I need to work on, arm and chest, and should be fairly straight forward to measure.
I wont write any routine down, like Monday Cycling, Tuesday kettlebells etc as that has been my downfall in the past. I will stick to the three disciplines, measure them and hopefully see the benefits. Oh, and i still haven't weighed myself.
Feeling positive about this, I know i can do it, i just need to catalogue much of what i have oalready been doing.

2010-08-16T08:05:00.000-07:00

Last week I started writing down my fitness routine, and things went well. On Monday and Tuesday I was out on my bike, both approx 8 miles. Wednesday and Thursday I had the kettlebells out, keeping it simple with double handed swings, then Friday was out on the bike again this time for probably 6 miles. Saturday was a day of rest, and Sunday i went out for a long walk along Newburgh beach. I think I need to add more detail to my workouts, especially to the kettlebells, get some numbers involved so I have a better way of charting my progress!
one thing i haven't done yet is weigh myself, that should be done, once again to chart my progress!

2010-08-09T23:41:00.000-07:00

I have decided the time is right for me to try and once again chart my progress. I have thought long and hard about it, and I feel i am in a much better place mentally to attempt this. I know i have tried and failed many times, unfortunately i am sure there are many in my shoes who have done exactly the same. But I feel i have made good progress over the last few weeks. My attitude towards food and exercise has changed, where before food was always in my thoughts, and seemed to be a noose round my neck at times, i now see it more as an energy source. I have kept things very simple, and it seems to be working. A lot of it goes down to planning. On Sunday I made a huge bowl of pasta with vegetables and put it into Tupperware boxes. I now have a healthy snack when i need one. If that option wasn't there, it would be too easy to snack on junk food. Last week i done the same with chicken and rice. Next week it will be something different.
The exercise is also going well, especially on the bike. On Sunday I went out for an hour, all round Bridge of Don, along the river through tillydrone and home. Last night i was out for 40 minutes, coming unstuck when i slipped on a wooden bridge due to the heavy rain. I have been looking into different routes and am going to go along the old Dyce to Ellon rail track which is now a path for walkers and cyclists. Will probably do this on Saturday.
i have printed off a weekly chart, which i have broken into sections for each day. I wont sit here and type up my great plans for the weeks and months ahead, that hasn't worked for me in the past, but I will fill out chart, and catalogue it here, so i have a permanent record, and something to analyse. For once i think i can do this. It feels good!

2010-07-26T04:30:00.000-07:00

I am now more convinced than ever that finally, finally I am on the right path. It has taken me years to get it, but I understand the concept of weight loss, and am putting it in place. Trousers fit better, that's my main point of reference. I also feel fitter, I have been doing more cycling, which has been good, well when i am not getting soaked in the rain!! I didn't touch the kettlebell at all last week, so will get it out more this week.
The main aim of this blog was to track my fitness, to see where I started from, to look for inspiration, and I think i have moved away from that. But I am not going to start making bold promises, not yet. I have failed too many times when doing this, and the failure always affects me, certainly mentally I then find it harder to start again. At the moment i am in a good place, i am more active, and am going in the right direction.

2010-07-21T05:10:00.000-07:00

Another book i have recently finished is The 21 indispensable Qualities of a Leader. Yet another book i received from my boss to read, and very easy to pick up and put down as the way it is written it is broken down into small section and little bites, full of quotes from famous leaders, politicians and culture heroes of past. Here's a sample of some

“Leadership is the capacity and will to rally men and women to a common purpose and the character which inspires confidence.” ~ Bernard Montgomery, British Field Marshal

“How can you have charisma? Be more concerned about making others feel good about themselves than you are making them feel good about you.” ~Dan Reiland, Vice President of Leadership Development, INJOY

“Competence goes beyond words. It’s the leader’s ability to say it, plan it, and do it in such a way that others know that you know how- and know that they want to follow you.” ~ John. C. Maxwell

The 21 Qualities of a leader as defined in the book are
Character
Charisma
Commitment
Communication
Competence
Courage
Discernment
Focus
Generosity
initiative
Listening
Passion
Positive Attitude
Problem Solving
Relationships
Responsibility
Security
Self Discipline
Servant hood
Teachability
Vision
It does give a good insight into how to behave as a leader. It was good to self evaluate, to look to see where I could change, and learn. But the same with Broken Windows, it goes to highlight the failings of others and this can be very frustrating. I have learned from this book not only in my work life but in my private life. The definitive message I got was that the easiest option isn't the best option, and that is something I have been guilty of in past. Being aware of the decisions I make and how the affect others is important, especially as I am no longer an independent single guy, I am a husband, a father, a supervisor, a team leader. Looking at the list, i felt that character was the most important Quality, and if you could grow your character the others would follow. I am trying to put it into practice, lets hope someone notices!!

2010-07-20T04:30:00.001-07:00

I promised i was going to speak about the books i have been reading lately, so lets start with the book that has left the biggest impression on me. Broken Windows Broken Business was written by Michael Levine. The synopsis from Amazon is below
Social psychologists and law enforcement officials tend to agree that if a window in a building is broken and left un- repaired, all the rest of the windows will soon be broken and the neighborhood will soon go downhill. According to Levine, the same theory is applicable to the world of business. Examples of this principle in action include: JetBlue, which figured out that giving fliers what they really want (leather seats, personal televisions, etc...) when they travel was the absolute key to success * Google, because of its extraordinary and reliable customer accessibility, was able to break out of the clutter of all the Internet search engines. * On the downside, McDonalds lost its edge in recent years when their "Broken Windows" of sloppy eating areas and unsanitary bathrooms began to drive customers away * Same goes for Kmart, which lost sight of its customer base by trying to go upscale. In BROKEN WINDOWS, BROKEN BUSINESS, Michael Levine offers the theory that all problems in business stem from the tiniest details and by extrapolating all the "small" remedies into a much larger plan, these items can stimulate business growth and keep customers coming back for more.

Reading the book wasn't that overwhelming at the time. My obvious reference point was my work, and we have signed up to the Broken Windows concept, it was my boss that gave me the book to read. I tried to relay what i read with what happened at my work with little success. It wasn't until after I read the book that it started to make more sense. One Sunday i took my daughter to the cinema. Instead of queueing for our tickets at the box office, we had to queue at the popcorn stand, adding 10 minutes to our wait, meaning we missed the start of the film I thought to myself. The week after I had to MOT my car. I went to a shop to buy a paper to read while i was waiting. The queue took forever, while the manager sat at an empty til doing some paperwork. Another broken window I thought. And then the list grew. I would notice more and more things that were broken windows, things that made us perceive businesses as sloppy and things that may make us choose not to use these businesses in the future. Even this morning, as I drove into work, i was sat behind a van, owned by the same company my brother works for. Now I know that this company is having major internal problems, a major broken window. But the van that i seen this morning was neat, clean, and even had the name of the company on the license plate. It also had all the usual information like the service they provided, contact details etc. Very professional i thought. I then noticed a van which had the complete opposite effect. It looked a mess, the van was dirty, the information on it was unclear, and it looked very unprofessional. The fact the driver didn't give me right of way in rush hour is beside the point. But it got me thinking of how that two vans give totally different messages to potential clients. If you had to choose a plumber, or sparky based on this criteria, and lets be honest quite often we will employ someone to do a job for us without a recommendation, then which one would you choose?
The downside of this book, is now I question nearly everything. what does the state of the pot holes in Aberdeen say about the council? What does the state of my garden say about me? everything i see or hear about, or read about is a potential broken window!! But I have also put the concept into my own life, i know what my short to medium term aim in life is, and I know how to identify the broken windows in my life, and hopefully, how to repair them!!

2010-07-18T04:51:00.000-07:00

Common Sense has prevailed. I went out to Inverurie yesterday to clean mums lock block, and she said she was going to phone and let the breeder know she wasn't taking the dog. We discussed it and she agreed with what i said. This does mean she is intent on getting a dog, and it does make sense in some ways, but we will go about it the proper way. Next week, the Cat and Dog Home!!

2010-07-17T03:08:00.000-07:00

My mum has went and arranged to get a puppy. As you can imagine i freaked when she told me. What happened was my aunt had got a puppy, a papillion, this week. when my mum seen it she wanted one, so she phoned the breeder who had one left. It comes tomorrow. I am at my wits end. I discussed it all with her, and told her why i thought it was a bad idea. She agreed with some points but said she was getting it anyway. I asked her to hold off for a few months, but she wouldn't budge. I told her after all I had said was she still going to ignore me. She said yes. I asked why. She said because she wanted a dog and that was it. I now don't know if i should phone the breeder and tell her my mother isn't fit to get a dog, or if i should let it happen and deal with the consequences. Obviously I don't know what the consequences are yet. It may all work out great. She had a papillion as a child and is very excited. She will have a companion. She can get out into the open air with it. That's the plus sides. The down sides are numerous. She still cant look after herself properly. The reason she walks so much is her blood sugars are high and she exercises to take it down. Will she be so keen to walk when her blood sugars are stable? The weather is great just now, not so in January, is she prepared to walk it then? This is a puppy she is getting, is she prepared for it to chew everything in the house. What about when it shits, all over the garden, will she keep it clean for her grand kids, at the moment she cant even keep her weeds under control. What about the cost? Okay there is the £400 but there is food, vets bills, toys etc. All this on a pension? What about the long term commitment? This do could well live into double figures, the last time I spoke to the diabetic nurse she told me if my mum couldn't control her diabetes she would need to go into a home! What about the dog then? At the moment i want to walk away, have nothing to do with the situation, but i cant. I am going to visit her today, and to clean her patio for her, I am sure it will be a tense afternoon!

2010-07-15T04:19:00.000-07:00

Visited Davie last night. The doctors advised him to get a second opinion. He is off to Edinburgh tomorrow to meet a consultant who is flying up from London for the Open and has agreed to meet him. He has to take his laptop and the CT Scan on disk with him. He may be clutching at straws but anything he can do he should. It may mean more chemo but if that gives him more time with his daughter then that is a good thing. Hopefully I will hear more this weekend.
On a personal front, i have been feeling more positive about things, my clothes are starting to fit better, and I am enjoying being active. I am considering starting a new plan, but my concern is it doesn't work out, and history repeats itself. I need to work out whats best. At the moment, i am plodding along and i am happy, maybe that is what will work for me better than anything else. i have no idea my weight, how fit/unfit i am and maybe things are going well because I don't know these things. I wont push thing. But for the first time in ages i feel i am doing things right. I avoid junk food, I haven't had much alcohol, and I am active, wither with the kettlebell, on my bike, in the garden or with Aisha. One small step.........

2010-07-10T03:46:00.000-07:00

its not been a great few days. My mate Dave was taken into hospital this week with bad stomach pains. That was Tuesday. I went up to hospital on Thursday to see him. He reminded me of my dad when he was ill. His head looked too big in proportion to his body. He has wasted away to nothing. When i went into his room his girlfriend was with him. His jaundice had returned. He said they suspected the cancer had got into the liver. This hadn't been confirmed but a CT Scan had been run and he expected the results on Tuesday the 13th.
the stomach pains were caused because he couldn't pass anything. He had to have an enema to relieve him of the pain. While in conversation he also mentioned he was now diabetic. Like it was a normal every day occurrence like watching a soap opera!! We chatted about diabetes, as my knowledge of the subject has increased greatly over the last few months. I tried to lift his spirits, tried to put a smile on his face, tried to be "normal" whatever the hell that is, tried just to be a friend for him. Then yesterday i got a call to say the specialist had visited him and advised him the cancer was very aggressive and there was nothing they could do for him. He wont see this Christmas. He wont share his daughters first Christmas with her. He wont see his 41st birthday. life just seems so wrong at times. A nicer guy you couldn't meet. to watch him deteriorate has been awful. To watch him die will be tragic. I am going to give him and his family some space before I visit. I know it will be the hardest visit I have ever had to make. Knowing someone has been dealt a death sentence, but I will make it, because however hard it may feel like for me, its not a scratch on how hard its going to be for Davie!

This week

2010-07-03T03:00:00.001-07:00

Its been a very busy week at work, a new guy started Thursday and trying to run the show and train someone is proving tricky, but we will get there. The weather has been good and i have been out at nights on my bike, riding through Brig O Balgownie, down to Seaton Park and along the River Don. You sometimes forget what a beautiful country we have, but being out and about makes you appreciate it.
Aisha has now finished at Braehead primary and the school holidays have begun. she seems excited about going to a new school but we will see closer the time. We nearly went two weeks with dry pants but she had an accident last night. She seemed more upset than anything, which is probably a good sign.
I have been reading a lot lately, some books i have received from my new boss others i have picked up myself. They include The Goal, Broken Windows Broken Business, 21 Indispensable Qualities of a Leader and How to Win Friends and Influence People. I will go over them in more details next week. For now I am off to enjoy the rays!

2010-06-25T04:26:00.000-07:00

At this moment in time, everything is going in the right direction. My mum is getting closer to controlling her diabetes. She hasn't been hypo in three weeks. the wine is definitely the source of the problems. The next stage is to get her diet stable, and to get her mental thoughts away from what her blood sugar levels are, but i think we are getting there. The diabetic nurse told me if she cant sort it out she will need to go into a nursing home, but i have some faith.
Aisha is also doing better, last week was the very first week she has been completely dry for 7 full days. That even included a school trip where she normally has most accidents. Kim spoke to a mother who's son is autistic and he still has problems wetting himself at 9. Not what she wanted to hear! We have a meeting next week with various support staff to discuss Aisha's school move.
The trousers are fitting better, and i think the weight is starting to come off, but i haven't weighed myself. The diet is definitely cracked, i know what i have to do and am doing it. The exercise has been disappointing but i ain't beating myself up about it, i am very active with gardening and painting fences, and the summer nights makes it all the easier. Tonight I pick up Aisha's new bike. She is desperate to learn to ride her bike, the complete opposite as last year when she fell and had that mental scar. If all goes well i will buy a bike rack for the car and we can head off to the country to explore!!

Northumberland

2010-06-14T04:52:00.001-07:00

Last week we had a family holiday in the North of England, staying in a Haven caravan site. We stayed there two years ago, and once again scored, with a clean tidy caravan, not like some of the horror stories we had heard about. The weather was poor, only seeing the sun once we came back over the border to Scotland. It was great to get some real quality time with Kim and Aisha, work is going to be hectic over the next few weeks with people leaving, so we had to make the best of what opportunity we had. Aisha is starting to come round to the idea of starting a new school and we are all getting excited at the prospect of what lies ahead.
I made a decision not to take my mobile phone with me, i didn't phone my mum while i was away, i left it all in Dave's hands. When i got back on the Friday i phoned her and asked how she had been. She told me on the Monday and Tuesday she hadn't eaten as her blood sugar levels were sky high. I freaked when i heard. I told her if she cant get to grips with her diabetes i was going to get carers in to watch her eat and a nurse in to take her blood sugar levels and leave her with no input. I thought scare tactics might work!! She hasn't drank wine for over two weeks and in that time hasn't been hypo, so we at least have found the missing link. The problem is i don't want to tell her not to drink again, but i cant guarantee if she does drink she wont eat enough to stop her going hypo. Oh the dilemma!! the diabetic doctor is to phone her next Monday, her birthday, to discuss things. I will speak to her today as well. Mums carer phoned this week for an update and said things were going OK, but her anger issues start to rear their ugly head when mums asked things like have you had something to eat, or more accurately, don't you think you should have something to eat. This is an issue we still need to address properly.

2010-06-02T04:07:00.001-07:00

Kim turned 39 yesterday. I have noticed a real change in her over the last few days. Yesterday i gave her a spa visit for her birthday, which included a facial and deep tissue massage. The masseur told her she would need to come back for more sessions as she couldn't shift the knots in her right side of her neck and shoulders with just one session. She is also off to get her hair styles today. This pampering is a little step in her recovery. Last night we had parents night at school and Aisha's report was good, but in the back of our minds we knew she was leaving and the report didn't mean that much. Onwards and Upwards!!

On Saturday i got a call from my mums carer, she was found hypo and in quite a bad way. An ambulance was called and she had to be injected with glucose solution. A pan of soup was burning on the hob. I phoned her afterwards and she was very upset. I phoned her again later that day and asked if she had had something to eat. She said no because her sugar level was very high. I told her, that's because you've just been injected with glucose. After all that's been said and done the penny still wasn't dropping. Anyway, i phoned her carer and discussed things with her. the pattern seems to be she drinks wine on a Friday, goes hypo Saturday, then struggles to control things from then on. So i phoned mum today and told her i don't want her drinking for the next three weekends. If the diabetes gets sorted, we know the wine is the route of all our problems. We can then address it. Everyone is 100% convinced that is the problem and we need to get a solution to keep everyone happy. My mum likes to drink wine on a Friday and Saturday night. Who am i to tell her no. But the high sugar content means she goes hypo on the Saturday as the blood sugar level drops. To avoid this she needs to eat while drinking, then have a good solid breakfast the next day. But we aren't at that place yet where she can do this with any control. Not yet anyway.....

ADOS

2010-05-28T23:35:00.001-07:00

Here the conclusion to the Autism Diagnostic Observation Schedule Aisha had done back in February

"Aisha did score above the cut-off for Communication and Reciprocal Social Interactions, but throughout this report, I have explained many of these difficulties with Aisha's marked social anxiety and shyness. It therefore remains quite uncertain as to whether Aisha does have any Autism Spectrum Disorder, but the overall feeling, by the examiners is that her general use of facial expression, gesture and non-verbal communication would be inconsistent with autism Spectrum Disorder"

We received this back from the hospital this week, a three month wait!! Coincidentally Aisha had a routine school doctors appointment. Kim took the letter to show her, and she advised a definite conclusion would come from the Psychiatrists assessment. Also did we know there was a support group in Bridge of Don? Kim got the groups number and phoned that night. Speaking to the girl Karen was great for Kim, someone who understands what she has been through as a parent. She also told her that Scotstown primary school, a stones throw from our house, has a Autistic support group within the school and that she thought there was one place left in Aisha year. You could physically see the change in Kim after the conversation. First thing next day Kim was at Scotstown School meeting with the head. She advised there were 14 kids with Autism at the school and even with the ADOS report she would happily admit Aisha for next term. But we needed a Doctors referral. So Kim stomped home and Phoned Dr Daud, Aisha's paediatrician. He apologies for the slow process and happily agreed to write a referral for Aisha. She was in, starting August!! Finally Kim spoke to the Educational Psychologist, Mrs McGregor, who's attitude in the past has left a lot to be desired!! She told Kim there was no way she could just walk into a school and get her daughter admitted. Kim told her she could and she had. she said she needed a doctors referral. Kim assured her this was in place. she then backtracked and said oh well I will need to speak to the headmistress. Various calls from various people took place before Kim finally heard for definite she Aisha was moving school!!
The difference in Kim has been amazing. The difference in Aisha will be amazing. Maybe, just maybe this is the start of my family finding its way again!!

Failure

2010-05-27T23:19:00.001-07:00

"Ever Tried. Ever Failed. No Matter. Try Again. Fail Again. Fail better"

This is a quote from Samuel Beckett I read the other day and thought it highlighted my struggle with weight loss. No doubt I am better informed than i was a year ago. Maybe too well informed. Maybe reading every report, like the one in the Evening Express last night that says diet is the only important aspect of weight loss, not exercise, has done more damage than good. Less is more as they say. Anyway, i am now in a better place mentally, have decided my plan of action, and are taking steps to change. This week i have been out on the bike, when it hasn't been torrential rain, and it feels good. The thighs have been burning, the lungs have been filled, and the good thing about cycling is no matter how hard i push myself, my body doesn't lock for three days afterwards. I have also been swinging the kettlebell. Surprisingly, i hadn't tried a one handed swing properly until this month when i got Rays May schedule. I couldn't believe how much it worked my biceps, i really felt it straight away. I have just about finished the Brain Wave book and am ready to put into action, lets hope its all that it promises to be.

i get it

2010-05-21T05:10:00.000-07:00

I finally get it. All the fannying about i have done, and i now get it. Eat less, exercise more. Not rocket science. Nothing Revolutionary. Eat less, exercise more. I don't know if i have just came out of a winter slump where my brain hast been working, or more to the point where i haven't been listening. But now i get it. Eat less, work more. Life is simple, we make it complicated. I am going back to basics. No food diaries, no fasting, nothing fancy, just eat less, and exercise more.
Last week i finally realised the secret to success, it just dawned on me while digging the garden, that me trying to complicate things, trying to jazz them up by giving them a title or a name, was the thing that was hurting me the most. Lets just forget all that and keep it simple. That will be the secret to my success.
My mum's still a concern, but i had to make a conscious decision to stand back and concentrate on Aisha and Kim, they have been needing me more lately. Mum is still struggling with her diabetes, and i don't think she ever will be able to control it. My concern is every time she goes hypo she just does herself a little bit more damage. I try to help as best i can, but I know it pisses her off me constantly asking the same questions. We still haven't addressed her anger issues but we will soon.
Aisha is getting better with keeping herself dry, she's still not 100% but she's close. Her behaviour is up and down. We are still waiting for the final assessment so they can confirm she is on the Autism spectrum. This will mean we can look at getting her help at school. This will be a big weight off Kim's shoulders.
i have been reading about Brain Wave Vibrations as i heard it can be good for both autism and spinal injuries. This would be ideal to help both Aisha and Kim. Not even halfway through the book yet though!
The sun is shining today, life is good. Long may it continue!

2010-04-27T04:32:00.001-07:00

its been nearly three weeks since my last post. In that time I have had a weeks holiday which was great, being out in the fresh clean air, doing the normal chores like gardening!! This year we are trying to go as much veggies as we can, we have carrots, tatties, onions, courgettes, salad leaves and tomatoes. Our garden isn't really designed for a vegetable patch but we will try and make the best of what space we have.
Aisha started her new school last week, part of the three R's project with Aberdeen Council. she will have the benefit of it for over five years and i think it will make a big difference to all the kids.
She was back having her eyes checked yesterday and we still need to use the patch for another three months.
We had a meeting with mum yesterday. At it were two of her carers, the diabetic nurse, the social worker mum and myself. Main topic was her diabetes. It was decided she will have three meals a day plus a snack at night, take her blood sugar level three times a day and the nurse will adjust her insulin levels when required. We discussed at length the problems, all that are caused because mum lets her blood sugar levels dictate her diet. We also discussed getting some psych analysis done in regard to her anger issues, which i believe are new and a consequence of the brain damage she suffered. The meeting lasted two hours and once it was done Mum asked me if i wanted a sandwich. she them attempted to take her blood sugar level. when i asked her what she was doing, she said she wanted to check to see if she could have a sandwich. I don't know if her short term memory has been affected but it is very concerning. Maybe when we speak with her GP we might have a better idea of what options we have to address this.
I haven't weighed myself for weeks, but have continued to exercise when i can, but nothing structured. The big difference is the lighter nights and better weather, it certainly makes you want to get out and about more. winter is starting to become a distant memory. I don't know what i will do about the weight loss, to be honest i haven't thought much of it lately, as i have been focused on other things. I need to address it as i seem to be more aware that as i get older, carrying this extra weight has bigger health issues and puts me at higher risk for things like diabetes.

2010-04-08T08:54:00.000-07:00

its been over a fortnight since i last posted anything. its been a hectic time, culminating in me being treated for bowel spasms today. I spent last night doubled up in pain with stomach cramps. Fortunately the medication i received has started to work already.
Kim was diagnosed as having Sciatica last week, he damaged the nerve sitting in an inflatable chair no less. Her back goes into spasms and locks, so she will need physiotherapy and drugs to alleviate the pain. As much as we try to fight it, we are starting to show our age!!
Aisha has been diagnosed as being within the Autistic Spectrum, with aspects of Asbergers syndrome. As the consultant said, she is a very complex wee girl. The patches to help her bladder are making a huge difference. We are now waiting on the Clinical Psychologist to meet with her to fine tune the assessment, categorise where she appears on the spectrum and decide what help she requires.
My mum will also be getting a psychologist assessment. Last week i was out visiting her while her carer was there. We were discussing her diabetes and how she controls it when she just lost it, swearing her head off at the carer. I was completely shocked. After she had calmed down, i tried speaking to her but she was a different person, all subdued. I phoned the carer that night and she explained that this was fairly typical behaviour of my mum when she got angry. Always about the littlest thing. So we decided the best thing was to get an assessment done. To be honest, i am worried what they will find, and what action they decide needs to be taken!!

2010-03-22T05:33:00.001-07:00

Friday past seen me receiving some sad news. A friend of mine, Davie, had been ill for a few weeks. He had started showing definite signs when he started to get Jaundice. He had lost his appetite and then started getting stomach pains. When the jaundice was diagnosed they ran a CT scan and it showed he had a tumour on his pancreas. The tumour is sitting on a vein and they don't want to operate as it is so he will have 5 weeks of chemotherapy before 5 weeks of rest and then the operation followed, most likely by more chemotherapy. When i spoke to him on Friday he was obviously down and i gave him two examples in my experience with Cancer. My Friend Pat who is still going strong, much down to his positive attitude, and my father who gave up the fight before it began and died within 6 months. I told him he had a choice, which path do you want to follow. Fortunately for him he has recently had a baby girl, and this can be his focus, his goal to beat this. He has another appointment today to confirm dates etc with the surgeon.
I fell out with my mum on Friday, the first time since my dad died. She refuses through choice, or through her mental issues, to listen to my advise on how to control her diabetes. I phoned her today to ask how she was and she told me she had went hypo again yesterday. I try to assure her my only concern is her well being but i feel she only hears me nagging her now. I need to address this. I will have a meeting with her carers soon to hear their concerns.
I have been doing a fair bit of running lately, trying to improve my stamina. Slowly but surely i am noticing a difference. I watched a bit of Eddie Izzard last night in amazement at his achievements, and will use that as an inspiration.
The weekend was great with the sun shining, it now feels like we are out of winter and spring really has sprung!!

2010-03-15T13:49:00.000-07:00

the restructuring at work has taken place and i am now working out of a portacabin. Truth be told its not as bad as i thought it would be but that wont stop me looking elsewhere for work. I have met with an agency and applied for a couple of jobs. Next month See's the new budgets put in place, which should see the job market expand and hopefully more opportunities.
Mum has been good this past couple of weeks, she seems to be controlling her diabetes far better than usual. The flip side is that Aisha has been having a terrible time of it. She is now on patches for her wetting, and they seem to be working, but getting to this point has been a struggle. The first lot of medication gave her diarrhea. when she came off this, her wetting got worse, as bad as it ever was. She then got tablets that didn't have any effect. Her bladder seemed to fill up like it was supposed to, but the message to the brain to go pee wasn't happening. One night she peed 4 times from 7.30pm to 6.30am, a definite sign things were worse. then on Friday she was given patches, which she keeps on for four days. these are working a treat, she has been dry for three days straight. The bladder fills properly, and the message to the brain is clear. Long may it continue!!
The light nights are nearly here, and the bike has been dusted down, looking forward to getting out and about!!
My good friend Pat got the news he was hoping for, he has been added to the transplant list. i really never had any doubt he would be, i knew his positive outlook would convince the consultants he should be considered. I wish at key times, when i moan about the little things in life that annoy me, like work, i could take a step back and look at Pat's battle and compare my own petty problems. It might make me keep my mouth shut. Well, maybe not!!

the easiest day is yesterday

2010-03-04T23:27:00.000-08:00

This weeks been really tough. The only way i can describe it, is like a baseball player having balls thrown at him and as he tires he finds it hard to bat them away. That seems to be me this week, i am really struggling to cope this week. I can see it in my head, the lack of ability to deal with the drip drip drip of problems. Aisha's medicine had to be stopped because of the diarrhea she was getting. The downside was her wetting got ten times worse. One night i put her to bed at 7.30pm. she peed before she went to bed, then when i went to take her for a pee at 10.30pm her bed was soaking. she got really upset at this. She has never been like that. This must be a reaction to the medicine still being in her system. We now have tablets to take once a day, lets hope they have no side effects.
work has been tough. The reality of the changes has hit home. it seems each day i get a reminder of my new position in the company. I am finding it really hard to accept the years of hard work has been rewarded by a demotion and a move to a portacabin. I know the truth is we are all a number, and that i only go here to earn a wage. But i find it hard to have it all ripped away from me. I have been thinking about my dad this week for obvious reasons and maybe, all the changes i am going through are effecting me far more than they should!!
The icing on the cake was Kim was paid off on Wednesday. Looking forward to next week already!!

2010-02-24T04:49:00.000-08:00

Last Monday seen us up at the hospital for a follow up to Aisha's bladder scan. The specialist advised she has an over active bladder and has prescribed medicine to be taken 3 times a day. He advised there may be side effects, which there has been, she has got diarrhea. But there are alternatives which we will get. We already have noticed a difference so fingers crossed this will be the cure to this problem.
Friday was the last day of our logistics department at work. I have in effect been demoted and am no longer a supervisor. Two of the girls have moved to a new department in our new head office. The change made me surprisingly sad. I have worked closely with Denise for years and she is by far the best colleague i have had. I'm really going to miss her. The new dept that is left is going to push us to the limit, I can only see heartache to follow.
Yesterday was the first anniversary of dad's passing. Me, Dave and Mum went to the garden of remembrance. It was nice to reflect on happy memories. Mum is coping well with it.

2010-02-22T04:54:00.000-08:00

I had a good weekend this weekend. I was in work on Saturday morning, then watched UP with Aisha on Saturday afternoon. This has to be the best animated film released for years. Then at night i watched The Firm, a remake of the 80's football casual film. As someone who was involved in this culture i always take great notice of these films. This one is one of the better ones, though the plot and characters aren't great, this one stands out because the fight scenes are the most realistic I have come across. Coming off the train and meeting an opposing mob, you would always be cagey, sussing each other out. Some films show fighting like a hollywood blockbuster, which never happened. The original of this film, which starred Gary Oldeman, wasn't believable to me, but this one is, with the right blend of fashion, which to many was the most important aspect of the whole scene, the fighting, for which to others was the only important thing.
Sunday was a great day. In the morning i went down to the beach for a run. It was a glorious morning, with no wind and the sun shining. The sand was mostly covered in snow so i went to the raised dunes for a run, feeling it today!!
In the afternoon we went for a family run, ending up in Gardenstown, a small coastal fishing village. It was great to walk around, imaging how harsh life would have been living here years ago. The road from there to Fraserbourgh is nice and Windy, fun to drive, not so fun for my co-pilot Kim!!
I have been looking at the bathroom and it is needing decorated. we put a new suite in a couple years back but scrimped on the decorating, so need to address that. Not so easy with no money. So i am going to start a project where i am going to attempt to raise £1000. This will be done by selling off old books, CD's, etc on Ebay. Decluttering they call it!!
Today i have a half day as we have another appointment with the children's hospital. After Aisha's scan of her bladder we now have to sit down with the specialist to decide what can be done!!

its been a while

2010-02-18T04:48:00.001-08:00

Its been over two weeks since my last post, due to the fact i have been off work. I have had holidays to use up and needed to get away from the place. the rest done me the world of good. I got to spend some quality time with the family. Aisha had a few hospital appointments. One was a test for Autism. This was really tough to watch. Me and Kim sat in the room and watched as aisha sat with a psychologist and done a series of tests. She was given toys and asked to make a story with them, or to build something. As the test went on she clammed up and communication stopped. It was so hard to watch her without being able to help her. After an hour she was given a pen and paper and this seemed to change her as she found a new way to communicate. After the test both the psychologist and doctor said she had done well. We are still waiting for the results. another appointment she had was to get her bladder X-Rayed. She still continues to wet herself. The test was a simple scan the same as a pregnant mother would have, but with a full then empty bladder. Her full bladder had 95ml of urine but when she went to empty it she still had 15ml left, so she isn't emptying her bladder properly. This may mean she feels she wants to pee most of the time and holds off until she is bursting, and inevitably ends up wetting herself. We have another meeting next week to discuss what can be done to help her.

She also had her eyes tested again. This went really well. She has astigmatism in her right eye, and it is slightly weaker than her left eye. As the eye sight still improves until the age of 7, we are putting a patch on her for two hours a day to try and help it. She has to be watching TV or playing her Nintendo DS, something that requires the eyes to focus. We will be back in three months to see if there is any improvement.

I also spent some time with mum. Her carers are really struggling with her just now. The main issue is her lack of ability to control her diabetes. She is going hypo three times a week sometimes more. On Monday i phoned her at 5pm and she told me she was hypo coming home on the bus, and her carer had to help her home as she couldn't walk. A neighbour ran out and help as well. Then at 9pm that night i got a phone call from her carer to say she couldn't get in to mums house and she had went hypo again. I went out on the Tuesday and had a talk with her, telling her what she had to do, what to eat etc. the carer told me that night the conversation had a big impact on her. then the next day i phoned her to see how she was and within 24 hours of our talk she had slipped back into her old ways. I don't know if she is ever going to be able to sort it out. The carer, the nurse and myself are meeting in a month or so to decide a way forward.

The diet/fitness regime has been going okay, but the weight wont shift. I feel better for it, definitely. But the weight is still a major issue. I know the reason why. I eat a fairly decent diet, plenty of vegetables, fruit, and good honest Scottish cooking. I also enjoy a beer or two. For me to lose the weight I need to stop all that and really cut my calorie intake down. I need to get into boiled chicken instead of fried chicken. i thought by eating sensibly without making too much issue of it, along with exercise the weight would fall off. It hasn't. i have enquired about a weight loss programme through the Rowan Institute who are running a four week programme, aimed at losing about 5% of overall weight. It would mean daily visits for blood tests, and a very controlled diet. I'll see what info they send me to see if i am suitable.
The exercise is okay, last week i went down to the beach for a run. Christ, that was hard work, running in the sand. I am also still swinging the kettlebell when i can. the days are stretching and once the weather improves the bike will get dusted down!!

2010-02-01T04:30:00.000-08:00

last week was good, and bad, and ok. Depends on which area of my life i look at. Good, the diet, still going, along with the fitness. Only lost a 1lb last week, but as long as i keep going in the right direction i am happy. Bad, work situation. I have been demoted due to restructuring, and my overtime will be completely shot down, to a bare minimum. This could be £500 plus a month off my pay slip. I could handle that, more time at home etc, but then Kim went and got paid off. So another £500 plus a month gone. In one week we have lost a grand a month. A bit shell shocked with it all but at this moment nothing we can do. Ok, Mum is doing fine, has her moments but ticking along nicely. will go into more depth this week when i have time. My time management has been poor this week, i don't know if it is a winter thing but motivation has been tough. But, gotta keep on going!!

2010-01-26T04:03:00.000-08:00

last night i completed 250 kettle bell swings, doing 5 x 30 sets followed by 4 x 25. My thighs were burning by the end but i felt good. This morning i was out again at 5.45am for another short running session. I am going to stick to the same routine until i start to notice a difference. At the moment I am still breathing out my arse by the end of it!!

Last Week

2010-01-25T04:40:00.000-08:00

Last week wasn't so good, pulled my back and struggled with any fitness. Picked Aisha up without bending my knees and felt stiff at the base of my spine. Went out for a run on Wednesday and didn't feel good, felt heavy round the bottom of my back like i was pounding on it. Kept off it the rest of the week.
Weighed myself this morning and still the same, 97kg. No surprise there. Went out at 5.45am for a run and felt much better in the back, i can now get back into the kettlebell/press up routine. there's something good about being out that early, no one around, music playing on the ipod, still half asleep.
This week i plan to run in the mornings and alternate evenings with the kettlebell and press ups. I wont combine them in a routine but do them separate to ensure I do both correct, better to get the technique right at this stage.
Last week was very busy on three fronts, work, Mum and Aisha. I need to get out whats in my head about these, to try some self therapy in a way. Last week my head was muddled, and i didn't know to cry and scream. This week i am more focused on what i need to do. More to come through the week.

2010-01-18T05:09:00.001-08:00

This weekend was quiet, i was on call with work and the weather, especially Saturday was terrible. I managed to complete my kettlebells quota for the week but little else. This morning I weighed myself and i am down to 97 kilos. I felt a bit disappointed. I know that 1 kilo loss is good, and moving in the right direction, but I don't feel any fitter/healthier/livelier. This is probably the main reason why people struggle to lose weight, It takes so bloody long.
Anyway onwards and upwards, This week will see more kettlebells and press ups, maybe done differently, but more focus on running now the streets are clean. Time to try and build my stamina.

2010-01-15T05:14:00.000-08:00

Last night i went through the same routine as Tuesday, alternating kettlebell swings and press ups. I found it just as hard this time, especially the press ups, i just don't have the strength in my arms yet. But it will come.
This weekend i need to keep my activities up, this is the biggest test so far, as this is usually where i fall down!

2010-01-14T04:19:00.001-08:00

Tuesday night i went out for a run/walk interval training. The pavements were still iced over which made it hard. I really felt the extra weight i carry when i ran, and my legs became heavy really quickly. I also have quite low stamina which i will need to build up, it cant all be about weight loss!
Wednesday was a rest day, more because I was busy with other things more than anything else. Today i had route-canal treatment this morning. Amazing to think ten years ago this would have been a daunting prospect, yet now with the advance of medicine practices i didn't feel a thing, not even the injection as they rubbed the gum with anaesthetic before the injection. It made me think, for all those that have a fear of needles and injections, why don't they rub some anaesthetic onto their arm/thigh/arse before injecting them taking away the pain?
Tonight i am back on the kettlebell swings/press ups routine. Surprisingly i don't feel sore today after Tuesdays routine, I expected to be really stiff today.

2010-01-12T10:09:00.000-08:00

really pushed myself last night. Split my 200 kettlebell swings into 10 sets of 20. In between each set i done a set of push ups. the full set is listed below. I struggled with the alternative shuffle press up as two reps are classed as one push up so didn't reach the 10 in them, and the diamond press up was completed but i know the proper technique wasn't used. But i will get better.
Tonight the snow has been replaced by rain so i will head out for some running interval training. If i have the energy i will then complete more kettlebell swings.

20 kettelbell swings
10 x wide press ups
20 kettelbell swings
10 x wide press ups
20 kettelbell swings
10 x wide press ups
20 kettelbell swings
10 x alternative shuffle press up
20 kettelbell swings
10 x alternative shuffle press up
20 kettelbell swings
10 x alternative shuffle press up
20 kettelbell swings
10 x diamond press up
20 kettelbell swings
10 x diamond press up
20 kettelbell swings
10 x diamond press up
20 kettelbell swings

2010-01-11T04:31:00.000-08:00

Last week i forgot to weigh myself at the start of the week. I also miscalculated how many swings i had done, and came up 200 short!! This week i have weighed myself early Monday morning and come in at 98kgs. I have also drafted a spreadsheet so i can catalogue correctly what i am completing and how i am progressing. I tried to do it electronically but there is just something in me that finds it easier to hand write it out.
I visited my mum on Saturday to clear her path. She had 15 inches of snow in her front garden. Clearing a path was hard work, and i couldn't get down to the path, i left a good 3 inches of ice at the bottom. Warmer weather is predicted for the end of this week and i am sure everyone will be glad to see it gone. Well maybe not the skiers!!
Mum's been finding things tough lately, the weather prevents her from getting out, she is also off her anti-depressants, and cane be a bit short with me. I spoke to her carers who are also concerned, and have agreed to keep an eye on things!
I went to the football on Saturday, my first game for a while. Aberdeen easily won 2-0 and have unearthed two gems in Fraser Fyvie and Peter Pawlett. My prediction is both these will be in the Premiership by the time they are 21. There combined transfer value could clear Aberdeen's total debt if handled correctly by the club!
Things continue to be strained at home. Before Christmas we discovered Aisha had been tested for Autism while at nursery, but we were never informed of this. the results showed she was in the middle of the Autism spectrum but the lack of communication made it impossible for the test to be conclusive. The same test was done again, ironically by the same teacher and the results showed she was still within the Spectrum. As the letter from the Doctor stated, Aisha is a complex wee girl!! Kim was beside herself when she found out about the first test, as she had suspected for years Aisha was autistic but was reluctant to say.
Aisha still wets herself and Kim is finding this very hard to deal with. In fact its safe to say she is finding the whole issue hard to deal with. Not the fact Aisha has problems, but how to deal with them. It also has a knock on effect on our marriage which is being put under strain because of this. Differences of opinions before would be dealt with, now they are hard to deal with. Nothing we wont be able to see through, but still makes life hard. I plan to speak to the teacher and the school nurse today to see about getting some additional care, but these changes take time!

2010-01-08T08:23:00.000-08:00

last night i went to the garage and done some kettlebell swings and some press ups. The hardest part of the lot? Keeping hold of the kettlebell in sub zero conditions! At least it helped keep my mind away from the burning sensation in my thighs!!

2010-01-07T04:27:00.000-08:00

its been nearly a month since my last post. To be honest, not that much has happened, Christmas has came and gone, and a great time has been had by all. Drank too much, ate too much, the usual story really, but glad it is all over. Unfortunately with the weather being so bad, we cant get back to normality.
Over the festive season i wrote myself up a fitness plan. It consists of a variety of activities that i will chart to see my progress. One part of the plan was interval running. I went out on Monday night when the streets were covered in snow and it became clear running wasn't an option. I decided i could still go out for a walk, get the heart rate increased. Off I set into a blizzard. After 20 minutes walking the streets of Bridge of Don I contemplated phoning Mountain Rescue but the shame of it stopped me. By the time I got home I was virtually snow blind, and had the strange sensation of having burning thighs while at the same time they felt like blocks of ice. But it felt good to be out. I had dressed for the occasion so Frost bite wasn't an issue.
The next day I cleared the garage and I started Ray's January Kettlebell challenge, a 1000 kettlebell swings a week, plus a Turkish get up a day adding one rep a day. I still struggle with the Turkish get up, and more so while using my right arm, the weaker of the two, but will persevere to get there. I have also started a push up routine for the next 8 weeks to get rid of the man boobs.
2009 was a shit year, plain and simple, by the end of it my head was fuzzy and couldn't focus properly. Things would stir around my head for days when i should have just batted them off. This year I am feeling much better, thinking clearer. Time to focus on the things that are right, and ignore the rest.

Interview

2009-12-17T02:37:00.000-08:00

I just found out i didn't get the job. How did i find out? one of the girls i work with went for a job in the newly created department and was interviewed by the lad who got it. Nice way to find out. Tells me everything about my employers!! A New Year A New Job!! I have been assured a job is here for me which is some comfort with Christmas so close but the new year will see me put all my effort into moving onwards and upwards!

2009-12-15T04:38:00.000-08:00

its been a long while since i posted anything, and i will get back into the swing of it, but not just yet. This month has been a nightmare, and my ability to cope is weakening. Two weeks ago we got the dreaded redundancy letters, 15 out of a group of 80. As you can imagine a grey cloud has hung over everyone since, even more so when we started to find out who was safe and who wasn't. If your face fitted, you were in!! Today i have a job interview for my own job, a hob i very much doubt i will get. I then have to hang on in and hope i don't get paid off in the new year. What a great Christmas this is lining up to be. e then found out last week after Aisha was tested for Autism at her school, that a similar test was done when she was at nursery age 3, and that the results showed she came slap bang in the middle of the autistic spectrum. Not on the edge!! Slap bang in the middle. were we told? No you better believe we weren't. It boils my blood to know that the suspicions that Kim has had for years had foundation, but it was never shared with her. Crazy, absolutely crazy. The second test they done showed she is still within the spectrum but because her communication has improved she is further outside than before. As the letter from the psychologist said, "Aisha is a complex wee girl" I have still to phone the psychologist, i have decided to wait a few days so i can remain calm when we speak.
I also feel like shit, with sore muscles, a sore throat and very tired. Kim thinks its swine flu, i think i am just getting old!!

NLP

2009-11-20T04:54:00.001-08:00

I am still plugging away at the Structure of Magic, my god it is a heavy read. I am reading about the meta model at the moment. Truth be known, the book is to deep for my limited knowledge and i jumped in too deep with this one, but I will see it through to the end.
We are still waiting for word of the Autism testing, most likely into the new year. i continue to go running/walking, wishing the sun was out and i could be out on my bike. The hours i work means i don't see much Sun, but I don't suffer from SAD, so it doesn't get me down.

Friday the 13th

2009-11-13T10:15:00.000-08:00

Last night i went out in the pouring rain for a run. It was very hard work. I used the interval training method, switching from sprints(well my form of sprints) to a jog or walk. Really struggled near the end but felt good for it when i got home.
Today I managed to get an emergency appointment at the dentist to find out i have an infection and will need root canal treatment, great!!

Hells Bells

2009-11-11T03:11:00.001-08:00

Spent last night clearing the garage. Finally swung the kettlebell again, and it felt really good. My thighs were really burning by the end but it felt good to be at it again. With all the distractions i forgot that exercise really helps to clear the mind, to help you focus. I wont forget that again.

a step closer

2009-11-05T04:30:00.000-08:00

Kim had a meeting with the doctor about Aisha today and he agreed to do the 5 tests required to diagnose Autism. After a lengthy chat he agreed it seemed less likely she had selective mutism and more like she is on the Autistic Spectrum. This has left me feeling strange. I am glad we may be moving closer to finding the cause of the problems, i feel bad that i doubted Kim, and i feel sad that Aisha has more problems to deal with. But tonight will be a family night with lots of cuddles and fun and games. If its dry we will go out to watch the fireworks.
Last night we went to the university library and stocked up on some books on Autism. I also managed to pick up the Structure of Magic I & II by Richard Bandler and John Grinder. I am going to go full steam ahead with NLP to see if i can help myself, but more importantly use it to help me understand Aisha better and to help her.

Stuck in the Middle with you

2009-11-03T23:44:00.000-08:00

The last few days have been a struggle. Lets start with Aisha. Her wetting herself has returned to a daily event. Her behaviour with Kim is also getting worse. Kim has broke down a couple of times lately, and seems to have taken as much as she can. There has been a lot of tears. We had a long talk on Monday. She is convinced Aisha has a form of Autism. We have a doctors appointment with the pediatrician that has looked at Aisha since she was born, and will raise the concerns there. Kim had listed all the issues she has with Aisha, some I see, some I don't. But what is clear to me now is i must support Kim 100% at the moment. I really don't know what to think. I have read a bit about Autism and it seems to me Kim is clutching at straws but what is clear is that discounting it at the moment is pushing her away and making her feel isolated which i cant do. She needs my support. So everything has to go on the back burner just now, my full concentration is Kim and Aisha. I have shifted my work day to start at 6.30am so i can get finished earlier, though working in the oil industry means that's not guaranteed. i have to be there as much as i can. The balancing acts comes with my mum. I have to be there for her as well, but not to the detriment of Kim and Aisha. So far she is back home and coping fine, long may it continue!!
I went out to Inverurie last night to collect my old car, it had been with a mechanic getting work done for me to sell it. When i got there the engine was dead and there was about an inch of rainwater on the floor of the drivers side. The smell of mould was evident. Just what i needed!!!!

its been a while

2009-10-29T00:21:00.001-07:00

i havent posted for a good long time so here's a quick update. Last week i was off on holiday, didnt go anywhere but was great to spend time with the family. The weather was terrible but we still had a good time, playing the Wii, watching DVD's. Then on Sunday got a phone call to say mum had been taken into hospital, the carer had to call an ambulance as mum had went hypo. Spent the afternoon in A&E waiting room, finally got to see mum to be told she would be kept in overnight, so i had to nip out to Inverurie to get an overnight bag for her. Met a lad Kevin in A&E who i knew from years back, his mum was also in. When i went back in at night mum was anxious because she hadnt taken her pills or her insulin. Told her not to worry, she was in the best place to deal with that. Me and Dave had a long chat to her about her diabetis, something she hasnt been able to control since Dad died. If she could get it under control her life would be so much better. When we left the hospital we bumped in to Kevin again. I asked how his mum was and he said he was told not to expect her to make it through the night. She had fallen and dislocated her arm that afternoon, but at some stage had been sick, which had went into her lungs. The poor lad looked absolutely devastated. I really felt for him. Your whole world can be turned upside down in a second. I had a troubled sleep that night thinking of many things that have effected me lately.
We expected mum to get out on the Monday but they kept her in until Tuesday night. I worked late and headed up to take her home. Kim had texted me to ask if i would be home to bath Aisha but i had to say sorry no. Then mum was on the phone chasing me to hurry up as she wanted home. I could feel myself stuck in the middle. I collected mum, rushed out to Inverurie, dropped her off then rushed back into town to try and catch some time with Aisha. When i got in Aisha was on the toilet and Kim was in tears. What was wrong i asked? Aisha had peed herself. She is 6 now and this has been a constant battle. Kim blames herself. She also suspects there could be more to it, possibly Autism. I disagree and this can cause arguments. I washed Aisha and put her to bed, then went to speak to Kim but tension was in the air and we didn't get anywhere.
The next day i went on the Internet to see what i could find. I came across an organisation called ERIC, Education and Resource for Improving Children's incontinence. Hopefully they can give us some answers. I have printed off some literature and started reading through it. I read Aisha a story from there site last night, about a little boy who has trouble pooing. Maybe if she can relate to someone Else's story we can understand her better.
the fitness regime was due to be restarted on Monday after my holiday but has been delayed due to other commitments. I am still staying active, and have made a conscientious decision to take the more active choice. Walked to the library last week rather than drive. Took the stairs rather than the lift. I have noticed a general improvement in my health, not breathing out my arse when i climb a set of stairs, that kind of thing, but i want so much more. the difference, i suppose, is i have the tools, the know how, the inspiration, the only thing i don't have now is the excuse!!

lets keep it brief

2009-10-15T04:32:00.000-07:00

things have been hectic lately, work is mad, we have a huge project on that is keeping me in the office for 12 hours a day and keeping me up at night with homework and phone calls. This is going to continue on to next week, when i get a few days off. After that i will pick up this blog again but until then i wont get the time to update. Though things aren't going to plan, i fell more empowered than before and that is a big step forward.
This weekend is mum and dads wedding anniversary so me Dave and Mum will visit the memorial garden, lay flowers and remember the good times.

Dicky Bow Time

2009-10-09T03:59:00.000-07:00

Tonight i am heading to the Exhibition Centre for Aberdeen FC's Annual Gala Dinner, with guest speakers Jackie Charlton and Razor Ruddock. It should be a good night though this depends on the company at my table. Tomorrow Aisha has a birthday party so i have to be good tonight, well maybe half good.
The weather has certainly turned for the worse. Last weekend was terrible and there are more high winds due this week. I need to repair my fence tonight, as it got some damage last weekend. The last thing i need is for it to go flying!!
I was reading back over this blog recently and i have hardly mentioned my fitness routine so that will feature more in depth next week!

Today i Held save a life

2009-10-08T04:27:00.000-07:00

Today I helped save a life, i donated blood. I am a bronze medal holder, meaning i have gave more than 10 times, but today was the first time in over two years since i had last given. This came as a surprise, funny how time flies!
I have also signed up to the organ donor website to donate my organs once i am gone.
While lying down giving blood it got me thinking to what else i could be doing. I don't give enough to charity and there must be something i can contribute. My time is precious but i do have some spare. So my thinking cap is on and i will see what i can do. I have a variety of good causes that have effected me closely, cancer, Leukemia, cerebral palsy, diabetes. Lets see what happens

Another Year

2009-10-06T23:31:00.000-07:00

Today i turn 38 and time for more reflection. I have been thinking about my dad more than usual lately, nothing weird, just happy memories. I sometimes look at Aisha and wonder about our relationship and what road it will take, then think of my own journey with my dad, all the ups and downs. Fortunately i only remember the goods times, choosing not to focus on the bad. Its mum and Dads wedding anniversary on the 17th, and i think me and Dave are going to spend the day with her, which will include a visit to the crematorium memorial garden, a very peaceful place where we can share memories.
So today I am in reflection mode, but also looking forward. I'm thinking hows its time me and Kim were cracking on with having another kid. We have tried, and Kim has miscarried once, but so far nothing. But maybe now its time to get more scientific, look at charts and times and all that. I hope i can learn from my short comings as a dad first time round. Or maybe that should be learn of my short comings as a husband! When Aisha was younger, and work was busy and stressful i was guilty of letting Kim deal with far too much at home, assuming because she was home full time with Aisha she was coping. Things got on top of her and she struggled for a while. We talked and it opened my eyes. Ignorance is bliss as they say. This time it will be different. I think I also realise more now than ever how important family and friends are.
Saying all that if Kim doesn't get me The Stone Roses box set for my birthday today she better start looking for a new home!!

Guess who's Back

2009-10-06T04:38:00.000-07:00

Its great having Dave back from Australia. No one understands Mum better than me and Dave so to speak to him about issues has been great. He had a great holiday, and was shattered when i met up with him. Loved the Cork hat and the boomerang though!!
Mum has been causing us yet more concerns lately. Last week she threw one of her carers out of her house. She said the carer, while speaking about Dave being in Australia, asked mum which son she was closer to. When asked the carer claimed all she said was it was good mum was so close to her sons. I spoke to mum about it and she was adamant she was asked that question and it was nothing to do with the carer. I spoke to the care manager about it, and discussed a few issues. We then met at mums house, but i decided not to offer any opinion but to be there as support only. The matter was resolved, where the carer, who is from the Philippines, is returning home at the end of the year, so she wont visit my mum again. This might complicate things if they are short staffed!
That night i phoned Kerry from the Care Company to discuss all that had happened. I told her that i didn't believe my mums version of events but i had to be seen to be supporting her as if she felt she didn't have my full support we would be in trouble. She agreed with me but did point out a repeat of this would put them in a tricky position. She raised some more concerns about mum, mainly that she felt the brain damage was more severe than first thought. What i perceived to be as laziness when it comes to house work etc, may now be a lack of understanding on mums part to carry out these functions.
Mum is also eager to come of the anti-depressants. In one week she went to the doctor and got her dosage reduced, then told the grief councillors she didn't think she needed another visit. I don't know if this is right, but will keep a close eye on things to see how she is.

Schedule

2009-10-05T04:44:00.001-07:00

My schedule is a bit crazy just now, work is very busy with a recent project taking up 65 hours a week of my time just now, pays well but tiring. Dave is back form his holiday which is great, and mum is causing some concern but that's a post in itself!! Today i am very tired as i was down in Glasgow seeing the Pixies. They are doing a 20th Anniversary tour for their Doolittle Album. Watching them play out the album in its entirety last night just showed what a classic album it is, every single song is a belter, not like now when three goods songs means an album gets a 7/10 rating. There wasn't much interaction with the crowd but the songs stood up for themselves. Suffering today but well worth it.
the fitness is going fine, time is still an issue but i hope but writing it down i will notice the difference. the weight is still refusing to shift, though i had a night out last week and have another one this week so wont expect miracles. I turn 38 this week so am sure there will be plenty reflection.

Exercise for the Petrified

2009-09-28T04:30:00.000-07:00

Mum has started a computer course called Computing for the Petrified. It is a step before Computing for Beginners. She is really enjoying it and getting out and about is good for her. her thinking behind starting the course is that if Dave does move to Australia she can keep in contact with him through email. Good on her, i hope she continues with it.
It also got me thinking. my exercising has been very haphazard lately, more trying to shove in when i can rather than with any structure. his makes it hard to gauge any progress. So last night i sat down and wrote up a schedule. I wont divulge just yet, as no doubt thinks will strive to prevent me completing it and i will need to tweak it as i go. But it is basic, with running, swimming, cycling, kettlebells and press ups being the basis for the routine. I will report back next week on my progress, but this way i should be able to see and feel some improvement.
This isn't anything new, i have had routines for months, especially the kettlebells one, but never kept to them. I thought this was OK, but now realise the importance of them for self development.

broken windows - part 2

2009-09-23T04:48:00.000-07:00

i promised a follow up with my thoughts on broken windows, finally i have the time to do it!!

Our vice president gave a talk at a meeting a couple of months back, about the need to improve our customer service as a company. we have slipped to the third largest market share of Energy Services companies in the UK. This was a direct result of poor customer service. He showed the analogy of the broken windows and how it relates to our company. When someone is performing badly, and others witness this, they see it as being acceptable and copy it. Before you know it the majority are performing poorly. Then this poor standard becomes the norm.
I was really impressed with the presentation, maybe not so impressed with how the problem would be addressed internally. But it certainly made me think. Then that night me and Kim went to Tesco to do some shopping. When we were done we put the shopping in the boot of the car. Kim then went to drop off the trolley. But instead of putting the trolley back in the bay they are kept in, she just left it on the walkway. When she got in the car I asked her why she did that. "Well" she said, "look over there, someone else has dumped their trolley as well" It kinda hit me, this was our VP's broken window analogy in practice again.
I couldn't get it out of my head, it stayed there for a few days, mostly thinking of how it fitted into a work environment. Then I realised that the broken window analogy was typical of my life cycle. I start a diet on a Monday, three four days it is going fine, i am exercising and eating well, then maybe one thing goes wrong, i have to work late, or i have bad day, and the diet goes out the window, followed by the fitness routine, then it all goes to pot. Everything works in relation to everything else. So the key to all this is to stop the broken windows, or if one does get broken to repair it straight away!!

Broken Windows

2009-09-16T08:25:00.000-07:00

Our Vice President has came up with a new scheme to improve the service quality of my company. The link is below, i'll give my thoughts later

http://www.theatlantic.com/doc/198203/broken-windows

nlp revisited

2009-09-14T04:27:00.000-07:00

I need to get back into the NLP groove. I haven't picked up a book in over a month and on Friday i had a situation where NLP would have let me handle it better. A lad in my department was getting into a habit of slacking off on Friday afternoons, usually our busiest time. He is always the first one away on a Friday, and his mobile starts going with texts from his mates getting ready to head for the pub. When he is on call and has to work late he starts to humf and moan about it. So i had to take him aside and remind him his responsibilities and also that we all work the same in the department. The message got through as he was last to leave on Friday, but i felt i could have handled it better. I built up some tension within myself before speaking with him, which in turn meant to start with i didn't get my message across as clear as i would have liked. There are other aspects of my life that NLP will help, in fact quite a lot, so i will get the book out, read it and put the theories into practice.

mum

2009-09-10T12:22:00.000-07:00

this post has been two weeks in the making and may drag on a bit. Just over two weeks ago i had a meeting with Alison from Inverurie Hospital, Kerry from the Care Co that is looking after mum and myself. Mum was also there. We decided it was a good time to meet up as mum had been down for a few days and seemed to lack motivation. She was also having problems with her diabetes and was going hypo too many times.
So we sat and chatted about things. The first subject was the care my mum was receiving. She has three different carers go in and see her three times a day, 8.30am, 12.30pm and 5pm. She also gets two visit a week of two hours so she can go shopping, or out somewhere. The main problem is mum doesn't utilise the carers to her best advantage. When they ask if she needs help with her housework she tells them she can manage fine, but then she doesn't motivate herself to do it. They help her with her shopping but for the most they just keep a check on her making sure she is coping. This frustrates her and i can appreciate that. We discussed how best to work with the carers, that they were there to help, not just to check up on her.

We then spoke about her sleeping. She said she was sleeping fine, but Kerry raised concerns with this. Mum had a heat rash and received medication from her doctor. It had made her drowsy and once i had to go out and let the carer in as she had overslept. Kerry advised that mum had taken these tablets to help her sleep as she had been having trouble lately. Well obviously this was a big no no and a shocker! So we discussed this, and decided she needs to address this with her doctor. She is still on anti-depressants and this was to be reviewed. Kerry agreed to go with mum to the doctor to discuss things.

We discussed at length her diabetes. She is really struggling with it, her blood sugar level is all over the place. Alison said she would arrange a meeting with the diabetic nurse to try and get a better understanding of where it is going wrong. Mum said when her blood sugar levels are high she feels lethargic, but when it is low she feels energetic. Problem is when she drops too low she runs the risk of going hypo!

We also discussed the bereavement counselling my mum had received. She told us they had said they couldn't help her as long as she was on anti depressants. This sounded strange so it was agreed to review this and to contact Cruise(the bereavement councillors) for a new appointment. I offered to attend but Mum said she would prefer to meet on her own.

Mum said she wanted a dog. We had spoke about this and decided it would be a good thing, so the search will begin.

Finally i suggested a couple of things to help. One was a to do list, that everyone could write in, and it may help motivate mum. Secondly i asked if she could write down what she was spending. As i am looking after her money i am finding it a bit tough to keep her within budget. Nothing serious but writing things down would help.

So that was the meeting, everyone was happy, and progress was made.

I continued to phone each day, she seemed fine. But a few thing started to concern me. She was very reluctant to write anything on her to do list, or write down what money she was spending. I tried to reassure her saying it wasn't me checking up but trying to help. Then last week Dave left for a months trip to Australia. I phoned her on the Sunday then the Monday and she seemed down. She hadn't done anything that weekend, even though the weather was good. On the Monday i was down with a sickness bug and she phoned concerned I hadn't phoned her. That was fine and we spoke for a bit. Then on Tuesday i still had a touch of diarrhea and phoned her and she was ok. On Wednesday Kim came down with the bug i had, so i had to head home, get Aisha ready for school then take her down. Just as i was about to leave Kerry phoned me to say she couldn't get into the house. Dilemma. What do i do. Aisha had to get to school but i couldn't leave mum going hypo. Fortunately Kerry phoned back to say mum was up, she could see her through the window, but was walking about in a daze not responding. After a few minutes she managed to get her attention and get her to open the door. She said she would phone the nurse. Enough time for me to get Aisha to school and then i headed out to Inverurie. When i got there the nurse was gone but mum was sat with Kerry. She seemed a bit dazed. She explained after being hypo she usually felt ill for the rest of the day. his was a change from when i was a kid, as usually if she went hypo she was in a good mood afterwards. We talked for a bit, discussed what had happened. Then Kerry left, and i walked her to the door where we chatted for a few minutes. She raised a few concerns one of which was mums ability to put on a show that everything is fine when it isn't. I thanked her for her help and went in to speak to mum.

I tried to get to the source of what was up. she had been down for a few days, and had rejected any attempt at encouraging her to get out and do things. I asked if it was dad and she said it wasn't. I asked if there was anything else. She said she was worried about how Dave and Harry were getting on in Australia. Dave, Lara and Harri left last Saturday for a month in Australia. I told her there was no need to worry, they were on holiday and would have been having a great time. she then seemed to get a bit upset but i couldn't work out why. I told her i was there for her, what ever she needed. We had a look at the to do list. One item was to phone Cruise, the bereavement councillors. I phoned for her and got her an appointment for the next day. i also asked her to do a couple of things off the list. When i left she seemed better. I phoned her later that day and asked how she got on with what she had to do, and she said she hadn't but that was ok, i knew she wasn't feeling great after going hypo.
the next day she had her appointment with Cruise. I phoned after to see how she got on. She said she had broke down, and cried a lot. She said she told them she felt that she wasn't there any more, that everyone focused on the diabetes, and not on her the person. She then broke down speaking to me saying how sorry she was and that if it wasn't for me and Dave she didn't know what she would do. I reassured her that we were there, and everything would be ok.
Afterwards while thinking about what had been happening, i started to think about how much of my mums problems are bereavement and how much are depression. Last week i spoke to her one day and she said her blood sugar was high but she was going to head out for a walk to get it down a bit. When i phoned her the next day she said she didn't bother going, preferring to sit about the house all day, even though it was a sunny day. She had a clear choice, she knew what to do to make herself feel better, and chose to sit about. To me this is an indication of depression.

After the meeting when it was decided she would go to the doctor with Kerry, who as a carer would have been allowed into the meeting, mum made the appointment. Unfortunately the appointment was for a Monday, and mum didn't tell Kerry about it until the Sunday, so she went on her own and when she came back she said the Doctor said just to continue as she is with the same pills. I spoke to Kerry about this and she got mum to make another appointment when she will attend.
I need to wrap this post up as i have been rambling on a bit. Mum has another appointment with the bereavement councillor next week as well as her doctors appointment. Those should go a long way to determining what the short term future brings. I'm heading out today to do some gardening for her and to see if she is ok. I think we all know now that things were not as rosy as they seemed and the road to recovery will be a long one!!

a positive outlook

2009-09-01T04:47:00.000-07:00

i am feeling very positive about things just now. i have a separate post about my mum that i cant publish until i am happy with it, i just cant get my thoughts down to read correctly, hopefully soon though. But my back pain has gone, i have been swinging(kettlebells) cycling and running and feel good. The weight hasn't shifted any, i weighed myself on Monday, but i ain't worried, because i feel i have so many more tools at my disposal. In a way this year so far has been all about preparation, and now i am ready to get down to it, to implement change. Last night i didn't get out until after 8.30pm and by then it was close to darkness. i had bought new lights for my bike and went to put the batteries in before heading out when the fitting that holds the front light to the handlebars broke!! that will teach me for buying cheap lights. So not to be put off, i decided to head out for a run. I'm not a great fan of running, but I gave it my best shot. I went to Balgownie playing fields in the pitch dark and ran round one of the football pitches. I ran at length then breadth at a decent pace, then walked the other half until i completed a circuit, repeating five times. I was soaked with sweat at the end and breathing very heavily but felt good. Tonight it is the turn of the kettlebells. With my workouts with them being erratic i will re-start the 20 minute workout Ray gave me and work that.

on my bike(again)

2009-08-25T04:46:00.000-07:00

picked up my bike after having it repaired, final cost £123.00. Went out on it last night, and it was a bit of a struggle. My back didn't hurt which was positive. I am going to head out on it again tonight, just to get the legs working again, then on Wednesday I will get back on the kettle bells. The tightness in my back has all but gone, so if I carry out the swings correctly I shouldn't have too much trouble.
the last few weeks i have really felt lethargic but am feeling better now, and am ready to get back to where I was, exercising each day. I have been scribbling down a programme with alternates between kettle bell swings, cycling and running, and will start it proper next week. This week i will keep myself busy each day getting back into the swing of things. I also have a busy schedule with my mum this week, but more on that later.

2009-08-18T08:54:00.001-07:00

i tried to swing the kettlebell last night but my back still aches somewhat, not that much, more that I am paranoid about doing proper injury to myself. I will try and do a little each day to slowly build up confidence again.
The bike goes in on Thursday for a service on Saturday, so hopefully on Sunday I will be out and about again. I have surprised myself how much i have missed being active.
i have a meeting with the hospital and my mums carers next week, her progress is going backwards, and is causing some concern. I speak to her at least once every day and have noticed she isn't so motivated as she was. Others have noticed this hence the reason for the meeting. It isn't until the 26th of this month so we will need to wait and see.
Saturdays match against Celtic, lets not go there. I am so depressed when it comes to all matters AFC, its all doom and gloom!!

back in the groove

2009-08-15T02:38:00.000-07:00

i haven't posted for a few days. Two reasons. First, i have been on holiday. Secondly I have hurt my back and been out of action. The two coupled together means there has been no progress, but you know what? I don't care. I am happy that I will get back on and make the progress I was making. The two weeks where everything was going well felt good and I want that back with bells on.
Lets start with the holiday. We didn't go anywhere but had days away here and there and it was great to be away from the office and the sanction of my family. Aisha starts Primary 2 next week and it is great to see her progress and grow up. Kim also seems a lot happier. She starts back at the university in a couple of weeks and the extra cash will be a huge help!
Okay onto my back. I managed to hurt it in two places. The first was picking Aisha up without bending my knees, as soon as i lifted her I knew i had done something. It was a dull stiffness more than anything else. It didn't lay me out but it certainly restricted me. Then i managed to hurt myself in bed!! i twisted my back and felt a sharp pain beside my left shoulder blade. This made movement more restrictive but the dull pain in my lower back disappeared!!
I was still able to function normally though sitting down was fine but when i stood up it took me a couple of seconds to adjust. When the lower back hurt i tried the kettlebell but it wasn't happening.
My bike is also still out of action, but is going in for a service to the Edinburgh Bike Co. on 22nd August, it will be good to have it back in tip top condition and to have more trust in it!
One major change has been i finally had that conversation with my brother. I felt and underlying tension between us and didn't like it so decided it was better to ask him than to avoid it. So we went for a few drinks last Saturday. I asked why he hadn't spoken to me about going to Australia and he said it was because he felt bad about leaving me the responsibility of looking after mum and dad. I told him i would rather have that responsibility than to loose my best friend and everything just felt right again. We still have more speaking to do, but the beer was taking hold and the time wasn't right. But i am so glad we talked. a lesson i will learn for the future.
Today is the first game of the football season and i am off to Pittodrie, and it is pissing it down. What has happened to the first game sunshine we are used to. A hard game against Celtic but my optimism is still there, just!!

Put your back into it!!

2009-08-03T13:10:00.000-07:00

it hasn't been the best over the last few days. I was playing with Aisha and picked her up and strained my back. Nothing too serious but it has hampered my progress. I don't think there is any lasting damage, and i am trying to keep as active as possible. I have been off for a few days holidays so things haven't been so intense, and i have some more days off this week then i really plan to push things on. I need to chart my progress, so i can see improvements, the point of keeping a blog!! I still feel very positive which is important. I know i can do this and am focusing on how good i will feel at the end of this journey.
The bike will be going in for a service this week. It will be good to have faith in it and for it to function properly.

2009-07-24T04:42:00.000-07:00

The last couple have days have seen the exercising continue along the same path, at a decent level for now. On Wednesday i swung the kettlebell and it felt better than ever, for the first time I felt my abs snapping properly. I will be back on it tonight and hope that i can continue where i left off.
Last night I went out cycling and came across mechanical problems, my gears were playing up, then my back brake started rubbing up against the wheel. This stopped me from going in full flow, and It will need to be looked at again. But the workout was still good, and i worked up a sweat. It felt tough to start with but got better as i went on, one hill i climbed wasn't as hard as i expected, maybe that means there has been progress.
My mum gave me a scare yesterday, she had taken medication for a heat rash which made her drowsy. She then went hypo. i tried phoning her in the morning but when i got no answer just assumed she was at the shops. But she was fine, the carer found her and gave her glucose, and no damage was done. And she wont be taking more of those tablets!!!

A new me?

2009-07-22T09:50:00.001-07:00

The last two nights have seen me continue the activities. Monday I swung the kettlebell, then cut both the front and back lawn. The sun was shining and everything was good. My mood has been lifted by my new active self. Lat night I went out on the bike for 40 minutes round Bridge of Don. The rain never let up, and i was drenched within 5 minutes of being out, but that didn't put me off, if anything I enjoyed it even more. I really am getting into this biking, though my bike continues to cause me concern. Nothing much, i just don't have too much faith in it, and have to hold back a little, maybe a good thing.
Tonight it is back onto the kettlebell, hopefully for a full session. I have just had a call that Aisha has diarrhoea so I will need to dig out my doctors uniform!!
Work continues to frustrate. I am now geared up to pushing my CV out at the Oil and Gas Exhibition in September, where hopefully the market will have picked up. At the moment there just isn't jobs out there and i have to be grateful i have a job myself!!

a good weekend

2009-07-19T12:51:00.000-07:00

Saturday morning was very busy at work, some hard graft moving archive boxes worked up a sweat. The afternoon was spent eating popcorn and watching Alvin and the Chipmunks with Aisha. Saturday night we watched Cass, a decent movie and slightly different from the usual football hooligan films where the filmed based itself on Cass' life, not just his hooligan days and tried to give you an insight into the mans life. All these genre films miss something and this film was no different. I cant put my finger on what, maybe i just don't believe the characters that much. For me that scene was very heavily influenced by fashion but this was bypassed in the film as was the music. Nut not bad in all, 6 out of 10.
on Sunday we went in past for my mum and headed up to Turriff. It has a great park with a duck pond, so we took some bread with us to feed them. We were lucky in that the rain stayed off while we were at the park, as it was on for the rest of the day. we stopped off in Ellon for a cup of tea before heading home.
Two things stood out for me this weekend, both related to food. On Saturday we had fajitas. Usually i would eat until everything was finished. this time i stuck to having two, leaving the rest for Sunday. Also when we went to Ellon Aisha wanted Chips. She got a huge plate full. Normally I would have more than helped her finish. Today I didn't have one. I did have a hot chocolate, but the point was i changed my habit. Only a small step, but one in the right direction.
Tomorrow i have a course that doesn't start until 9am, so instead of having longer in bed i plan to get out on the bike again.

2009-07-17T13:48:00.000-07:00

Tonight I went out on my bike in the pissing rain. Friday night and i am out on the bike. A definite change in attitude. With a hard stressful day at work behind me the usual routine would have been to come home ranting then to kick back with a few beers. Tonight i wanted to avoid that, even though its been raining hard all day and hadn't let up at night i decided to get out. I returned home wet, tired, out of breath but happy. Not with the amount of good the bike run had done me, but the fact I had crossed the line and made the effort. The effort to change my life.
I decided to go off road and follow a path down by the river don, not the best idea as it was waterlogged and the shrubbery was wild, covering my path, but i still came home with a smile on my face. Not a big smile, as the thighs were burning and my chest felt tight, maybe more an inner smile!!

a good few days

2009-07-17T09:25:00.001-07:00

the last two nights have been good for the exercising, i went cycling again on Wednesday and had the kettlebell out last night. when out on the bike i went down to the track and timed myself. I done 400m in 1 minute flat. Yes I know, top athletes could run faster than that, but it gave me a benchmark to compare against. As the weeks follow i can test myself and get that time down. The kettlebells also coming along good, i think i have my technique for the swings right, it certainly feels good. I can feel the benefit in my thighs, and today i have no tightness.
This week so far has been by far the best for not giving in to temptation and eating junk food. I had some wine gums on Wednesday and that has been it. I even bought chocolate mousse for the girls at work and didn't have any myself. When they were eating chicken curry with chips today, i was eating a panini. when Kim scoffs chocolate at home I have a piece of fruit.
I keep reminding myself to keep the momento going...........

on yer bike

2009-07-15T04:44:00.001-07:00

i went out on the bike last night and it felt really good, the night was calm and cool, though my thighs felt tight after the kettlebell workout the night before. I came across a running track not far from my house which i had completely forgot about. This will be good when i get into running and cycling more to measure the distances i am covering, and also with interval training, where i can sprint for a lap, then jog for a lap.
I have been running my dads car for the last week with a view to buying it. My car is costing money each month in repairs, and mum was looking to sell there car. Its a fiesta and smaller than i am used to so i thought i could try it for a while to see if it fitted. Admittedly it isn't ideal, its only three door, with limited boot space, but i think i will buy it to do us until i can afford something bigger. Kim is looking to go back to the University to work so that will help increase our income. We definitely have to watch the pennies just now!!

Positive Outlook

2009-07-14T04:24:00.000-07:00

things are still hectic, mainly due to the school holidays. It means i can be working 11-12 hour days then trying to fit everything else in. The weekend was great, we went to see Ice Age 3 on Saturday, then Sensations in Dundee had a Wallace and Gromit exhibition on which Aisha loved. Spending time with the family really is the greatest pleasure. Our home life seems to have settled down as we have discovered that the reason Aisha has been wetting herself for the last three years is due to a problem with her bladder. Knowing this has taken a huge strain off of Kim and you can see the difference with her and Aisha, less stress, more fun. That in turn takes some strain from me so a win win situation. We're still not out of the woods, as Aisha's bladder problem is still there, but we can manage it better. Knowledge is power and all that.
Had the kettlebell out last night, and it felt real good, my thighs are tight today. I need to work at it more. in the back of my head i hear the reminder to do thirty minutes exercise per day. On Sunday i cleaned up my bike and plan to head out for a run on it tomorrow. The more variety i put into the exercises the better. Its strange but for all the months i have been at this, and all the failures along the way, this is as positive that i can change things as i have ever felt.

Ouch

2009-07-07T04:40:00.000-07:00

Well that hurt this morning, i thought my lungs were going to collapse, my legs turned to jelly and my ratio of walking to running was closer to 90/10 than the 50/50 i hoped. Truth is i knew it would be hard, but you never remember just how tough it is going to be. But the air was cool, which helped, and my head felt clear when heading into work which was good, starting work early and refreshed while others headed in looking dazed and half asleep.
I received a call at 8.25am from my mum's carer saying she had rang the bell and phoned and she couldn't get hold of my mum and was getting concerned. I had just about grabbed the car keys to head out when she said she could see someone moving, and mum opened the door. She had slept in!! Panic over. Again. I tell you my nerves aren't up to this. Mum phoned me later apologising, she had slept in, so she is off to get a new alarm clock today. She asked me to get her one but I told her she could manage herself. The trip to Tesco will do her good.

Dont Panic

2009-07-06T13:30:00.000-07:00

The title may be misleading, mum has been doing fine, enjoying being home. Last week she was visited by someone who offered to take her shopping. Mum had never met her before and said she was fine. She then spoke to her carer who also didn't know anything about it, so she spoke to her manager. She seemed concerned so said she would speak to the hospital and if they didn't know anything she would contact the police. That's when panic set in. A thousand thoughts when through my head. I went out to visit her that night after work, to hear the good news. When mum was released from hospital there were two care companies available to look after her. The social worker decided to use just one and didn't contact the other to cancel there services. It was them that sent someone to help mum. Panic over.
Apart from that incident everything has been good. The weather has been great which puts a spring in your step.
The diet is well and truly back on track. Nothing fancy just cutting out the crap. Drinking three litres of water a day is playing havoc on my bladder, considering i had problems with it last year, but i have been promised it gets better. I met a colleague the other day who has lost three stones, another inspiration.
Tomorrow i am going to start running, i know its going to be hard but have visualised myself running without breathing out of my arse. A long journey!!

This blog

2009-06-30T09:31:00.000-07:00

Why did I start this blog. Well yes I wanted to change my life as I wasn't happy with the direction it was going in. Am i completely happy? No i wouldn't say I am, but then I wouldn't say anyone is. This journey so far has had its ups and downs, i have had things thrown at me I didn't expect, and have had to change my route on more than one occasion. But I will keep on this road for now. My knowledge has increased, I have learned new skills and at the very least feel better equipped to make change in my life.
So why did i start the blog. Well i had been thinking things over for a while, about where my life was going, especially if it stayed the same, and I didn't want that, i still don't. So after reading a friends blog i got inspiration. I still do. But the reason for my blog wasn't to communicate with friends, or to make new cyber friends. It was purely to get my thoughts down and recorded. For me to track my journey. Not for anyone else. I haven't told anyone(except my wife) about this blog. Others have found it which is good, but the primary reason was so i could put down my thoughts, my feelings, my ideas somewhere. And I have lost track of that.
The one lesson i have learnt over the last 6 months, is that nothing comes easy, you have to work at it, but if you do the rewards are there. Sitting on your arse watching the world go by shouldn't be an option to consider. And for me it isn't.

its been a while

2009-06-30T04:30:00.000-07:00

i haven't posted anything for over two weeks, time being the main reason. Work has been extremely busy. We have been controlling logistics movements for a new project in the Dutch sector. This has used up a lot of my time and the hours have been long. Its been a bit of a juggling act getting the balance right but I am coping so far!!

Mum has been released from hospital. She has a carer visits four times a day and a nurse goes in twice a day to keep an eye on her diabetes. I have to say she is happy to be home and that is a good thing. she also seems to be making an effort to keep active, heading out each day to the shops, buying plants for the garden. But its only been a week and she is already speaking of getting rid of her carer, which would be a bad move.

She is not 100% right and never will be. She was wanting help looking for a sheet last week and spoke to me as if it was my house and she was a visitor, not the other way round. She started smoking again after stopping for the 12 weeks she was in hospital. Its something i new she would do, there had been signs, but no less annoying. All that good work gone to waste. Ironically we cleared out my dads wardrobe at the weekend, and while emptying the pockets of some jackets i came across a packet of cigars with the big bold sign. SMOKING KILLS, and it made me think of my parents life long habit and if it had all been worthwhile!!

I try to get out to see her two or three times a week, and phone her twice a day. As one of her carers, that is the level of help i can give. I also take care of her finances. All my help is going on empowering her rather than assisting her. When she asks me to do something, if i feel she can do it herself i refuse, and help her achieve it herself. This should, in the long run, be of more benefit to her. I find it frustrating to deal with sometimes. Take today for example. She wasn't at home when i thought she would be, so i panicked a bit. When i did get hold of her i could tell she was smoking which annoyed me. Then we talked about her carer visiting and she said she wanted to reduce the amount of visits. she's only been home a week but she thinks she can look after herself without any problems, whereas i disagree. i want her to be happy in her home but also safe. Without a carer i don't think she will be. She gets confused easily, and having a carer available is a great resource for her, lets hope she See's things the same way as I do.

I have stopped fasting. Primarily because i wasn't convinced it was working, but also because i received a great email from a very good friend of mine. He has managed to lose 13kg by making small changes. he didn't over analyse things, he stuck to some basic rules and it worked. And its still working. And i am very proud of him. His rules were

1. exercise 30 minutes a day

2. drink at least 2.5 litre of water a day

3. cut out the snacks

4. replace an evening meal with cereal a couple of days a week

He has admitted its been tough to get to where he is and sometimes has to drag himself to where he wants to be but that's understandable. And where he is going is where i want to be. Less focus and thought, more action!!

I need to get my kettle bell used more, at the moment i am working it once a week and it isn't enough. My main source of exercise at the moment is gardening, having to do both my own and my mums. Not my idea of fun!!

Focus

2009-06-07T12:14:00.000-07:00

I need to keep my focus. I think i have tried too much and achieved too little. The whole concept for this blog was too change my life and to track it through writing about it. The writing helps, it keeps things fresh in your mind and it makes you think deeper about the events in your life. But my life has changed so much since the initial idea.
I still want to achieve all the goals i initially set myself, but need to change they way i accomplish it. To completely change my life all at the same time was a step too far. Smaller steps are required.
The first thing I need to change is my weight. This is directly linked to getting fitter, so two changes for the price of one. These are what i need to focus on. To achieve this I am using various tools. I log my food intake through the LiveStrong website. This is great as it shows my intake of calories, fat, carbohydrates etc. It really keeps you on track and makes you think about what you are eating. over time my diet will improve as more data from my intake becomes available. I also have a good understanding of kettlebells, a workout that is perfectly suited for me. I know i can be doing more with this but wont beat myself up too much about it. Finally I have NLP. Now this is one area i have let slip and need to change. NLP will give me the skills to accomplish my goals, but after initially reading up on it i have stopped, and my understanding of it at this stage is no where near what it could be. A better understanding of NLP will help me accomplish my goals.
I have been reading various publications and websites and though still a novice have taken on board small things that are helping me. For example i recently bought Richard Bandlers new book. In it one thing sprang out at me. It said always live in the moment, not the past not the future but the present. This has been a great titbit. I use it a lot as i have been guilty of dwelling on the past, while continually planning and thinking of the future. Not enough time was spent living the moment. This means i can concentrate better while spending time with it Aisha, rather than playing with her while thinking what i have to do that night, or the next day. It means she gets my full attention when i am with her, which is the very least she deserves.

a change of direction

2009-05-31T12:23:00.000-07:00

over the last few days i have went back to my old routine, a poor diet and no exercise. The reason for this? So i could enter the stats into my livestrong account to see how bad my diet was, and a final reminder of what I am leaving behind. and I am glad I did. Take today. I took Aisha to MacDonald's for lunch, and had a BBQ for supper. Okay maybe not so bad, but it made me feel bloated, fat and very uncomfortable. Add in the fact the weather was great and it hit home why i want to shift this weight. I covered up in a big baggy shapeless shirt and three quarter length trousers but didn't feel at all comfortable. I see so much clothes that are at the moment out of my reach. Not due to price but more design and how I will look and feel wearing them. But they will be my inspiration to change, along with the other inspirations I have collected over the weeks.
So Sunday night was the start of another fast. This time I found it very easy and have found the best solution, have my tea around 6pm then fast for 24 hours until the next evening. My evening meal consisted of two burgers that would have been done on the BBQ if my car hadn't broken down and left me late getting home. And no snacks at night, not even a chocolate out of Kim's birthday box. Happy Birthday darling, I love you xx

Mum

2009-05-28T04:40:00.000-07:00

Finally, we have a date, Wednesday the 10th June, where we will meet with the medical staff and decide on the level of care mum will need at home. Speaking to the nurse this morning she will need assistance from more than one person on a day to day basis. It is likely it will be one to look after her diabetes, another to look after her occupational functions, and Dave and myself. The progress she has made lately has been small, but then she has a shorter distance to travel. she has gained most of the skills she once had, ones we take for granted like making a cup of tea are still a bit of a challenge. The real worry is once she gets out of hospital she is more vulnerable. Anyone can knock at the door and if they see how vulnerable she is they may think she is an easy target. That will mean being on close contact with her, and being there for her always. It will mean me dashing out to Inverurie for the smallest of requests, to open a jar, to change a light bulb. But as time passes she will overcome the Small hurdles. Last week she couldn't fasten the seat belt in my car. This week she can. Progress. Yes very small steps, but small steps in the right direction.

2009-05-26T04:23:00.000-07:00

i haven't posted for a few days now so let me recap on whats been happening. First off, i weighed myself on Monday and have lost 1.1/2 pounds. Woohoo!!!! Okay not the greatest but finally the weight is coming off and and i am going in the right direction. What has been a big help has been the diet tracker i have been using. i can physically see what i have eaten, the calorie content, the fat content, and make the necessary adjustments to keep on track. I can also log my fitness regime which also helps. I have to admit losing that 1.1/2 pounds felt good and gave me inspiration to carry on.
I spent the whole weekend gardening, or more to the point weeding. Saturday and Sunday spent in my garden, Mondays in mums garden, but now both are looking a lot better. Neither are finished but at least you can see an improvement!!
Oh and Jimmy Calderwood has been sacked, happy days!!!!!!!!

Diet

2009-05-19T09:22:00.000-07:00

Diet is the biggest challenge i will have in my revolution. It is the biggest obstacle for me to overcome. this is how i plan to do it. I have spoke about the fasting diet where i don't eat for 24 hours at a time, twice a week. Today i have just finished my first fast of the week. I cant say it is easy, easy would be to fill my face when i am hungry, but the point is it suits me. This is how my mind works. I start a diet on Monday, up to Wednesday might be going great, then Thursday my planned schedule gets disrupted, say I have to work late or nip out to see my mum. What then happens is I eat crap instead of a balanced meal. Thursday comes and in the back of my head I know Wednesday wasn't a great day for the diet so I am not so strict with what I eat. By Thursday the diet is finished BUT with the promise to start again on Monday. This then gives me Friday, Saturday and Sunday to fill my face knowing I will start a new diet again on Monday!! With the fasting diet I have more control, as I wont beat myself up when i have a bad day.
I am using Lance Armstrongs livestrong web site's calorie tracker to record everything I eat. I settled on this because it had all the UK foods in its database where as the other one I used didn't and I had to settle for a US equivalent or input all the nutritional information myself. Another advantage is i can usee the App on my iTouch which gives me more flexibility.
This tracker also has let me set my weight loss goal. I have entered my starting weight and also my desired weight. Working on the basis that I want to get to my desired weight for my birthday, 7th October, I must lose 2lb a week. To do this I must only consume 1602 calories per day. this works out at 11,214 calories per 7 day week. With the fasting diet I will only be eating for 5 days giving me an allowance of 2242 calories a day. Now this is closer to the recommended allowance of 2500 a day for a man of my size, and should be easily attainable. It also doesn't include calories burned during exercise. The one thing at the back of my mind is the doubt that 24 hour fasting does affect the metabolism and the fasting isn't having the desired affect, but for now it has been too short a period to establish if this is correct.
Off now to enjoy my supper, nothing like a fast to build an appetite!!

A new beginning

2009-05-19T04:09:00.001-07:00

a current theme in my life is of the fresh start. You know what I mean. Start a diet, it lasts a few days and then you blow it, but promise yourself to start again next week. That has been my way of thinking for years, and where has it got me? Nowhere. So now i look at things in a different perspective. I now have all the tools at my disposal to change my life. I have the diet plan, i have the exercise plan, i have the finance plan. None are at an advanced stage but are adequate to get me started.
The diet is still on going, but I am learning quickly where I go wrong. So to compensate for this I am keeping a food diary. Everything goes into it, and over time a pattern will emerge. I came to the conclusion that I have a problem with food. Sometimes I binge eat, sometimes i don't, but i certainly lack control. I have a sweet tooth, i have a savoury tooth. So to overcome this I am fasting twice a week. later this week i will put down all the stats to show where i am, where i intend to get to, and how i will get there.
the fitness aspect is going well, the kettlebells are good, but the one thing is i feel i could be doing much more. But I wont beat myself up about it just now.
I feel I am going in the right direction, and if nothing else that is a positive. Now to get the fat off!!

losing my focus

2009-05-15T05:12:00.000-07:00

this week has been all over the place. Late nights at work, not enough time spent on the things i want to. My life has had no structure to it and I have suffered for it.I have still managed two kettlebell sessions which is good, but apart from I haven't felt any inner happiness.
Yesterday I received Richard Bandlers new book Get the Life you want an easy book to read split into small segments, i will let you know how i get on with it. It comes with a CD that i downloaded onto my ipod last night, but listening to it this morning, i don't know how beneficial it will be. You have to get past the dramatic talking and loud background music and it is quite unsettling.
The food diary was a bit of a damp squid. The idea is great and I will stick with it, but i chose the wrong site, as it is all US based and not suitable. I will learn from that, not to jump in so quick, but to take my time and to research more. I do have a tendency to miss essential details in other aspects of life, and I need to address that.
Mum is still doing fine, I am visiting her tonight. I haven't seen her for a few days so it will be good to meet up. I also got rid of her old greenhouse through freecycle and there's plenty more where that came from !!

2009-05-11T04:36:00.000-07:00

The last week hasn't went so well. I don't know what it was but I felt a bit low. This seemed to have an impact on everything. The diet wasn't great. I fasted twice as planned, but the other days I didn't control my intake. To redeem this I am going to track all the food i eat and analyse it on fitday to make sure i do this properly.
the exercising was also less than i hoped, only two days kettlebell training instead of three. This was partly down to planning to work them on Friday then being stuck here until 8.30pm. But no excuse I done less than i planned so to compensate I will do more this week, starting tonight.
Today me and Dave have a meeting with the Doctor, Psychiatrist and Occupational Therapist to decide the future plans for my mum. Hopefully there will be a positive outcome!!