its been a while since i lasted posted, and the simple reason is that i have well and truly fell off the wagon. I am back to where i started. The reason is, I am not mentally ready to change my life. I know that may sound a bit like a cop out, but I am sure to change everything I want to I have to start by being mentally prepared, and at this moment I'm not. This month i have found very hard, every little thing seems to affect me hugely, and this has helped me lose my focus.
So my aim now is to get my brain in tune, so i can start the new year fresh and ready for change. I have two books on NLP that I am reading to get myself in tune. I wont post again for a few days as i enjoy Christmas with my family, then i can prepare to start afresh in 2009. It seem's to make more sense to start with a New Years Resolution. I just hope i can keep this one!
Saturday, 20 December 2008
Tuesday, 9 December 2008
Its been a while
I haven't posted anything for a few days, probably because I have still been feeling quite low. the weekend started badly with Friday being tough, I just don't seem to have the mental toughness I need. Little things seem to be having a big effect on me. As the weekend wore on I improved, but I still feel I am not anywhere near where i want to be. The exercising regime has failed miserably. The diet is still ok, and I have lost 4lb which is good.
My main focus at the moment is reading up on NLP. i really think this is something that could be very useful for me. I have only started reading it, but this could be just what I need. Its strange, but I started this blog because I felt inspired by others, yet that inspiration isn't enough at the moment to help me reach my goals. I feel my head just isn't in the right place. I have suffered from depression in the past and am sure it isn't anything like that but hopefully with the help of NLP I can get my focus. At this time of year it is natural to think of New Years resolutions. At one stage I thought about binning the diet and starting again in January. But no, I will continue looking after my intake of food, study the NLP books I have, so when the new year comes My brain is properly tuned to help improve my life.
My main focus at the moment is reading up on NLP. i really think this is something that could be very useful for me. I have only started reading it, but this could be just what I need. Its strange, but I started this blog because I felt inspired by others, yet that inspiration isn't enough at the moment to help me reach my goals. I feel my head just isn't in the right place. I have suffered from depression in the past and am sure it isn't anything like that but hopefully with the help of NLP I can get my focus. At this time of year it is natural to think of New Years resolutions. At one stage I thought about binning the diet and starting again in January. But no, I will continue looking after my intake of food, study the NLP books I have, so when the new year comes My brain is properly tuned to help improve my life.
Thursday, 4 December 2008
A tough few days
Well i haven't been having a good time of it. I cant really get my head round why. I don't know if it is a culmination of different things happening in my life. Problems at work and worries with my family. Fortunately i can come home to a happy loving home and it really is making the difference to me. I don't know if my wife and daughter know how much i appreciate coming home to people who love me, but it really is helping keeping me sane.
The diet is going well, no junk food, but maybe i could be doing better with the 5 a day. But that 11 days in, the longest i have ever managed, so that's something i should be happy with.
I recently bought a book called NLP at work. I heard about NLP from my mate Pat who is using it to help him beat cancer. This book is aimed at the working environment but can be used in all aspects in life. It helps you to train your brain to help cope with every situation. This is something I am definitely in need of. So i will give it a try and see how i get on.
The diet is going well, no junk food, but maybe i could be doing better with the 5 a day. But that 11 days in, the longest i have ever managed, so that's something i should be happy with.
I recently bought a book called NLP at work. I heard about NLP from my mate Pat who is using it to help him beat cancer. This book is aimed at the working environment but can be used in all aspects in life. It helps you to train your brain to help cope with every situation. This is something I am definitely in need of. So i will give it a try and see how i get on.
Tuesday, 2 December 2008
Faith
No not the religious type, but in humans. I am finding it quite hard to have any faith in anyone just now. I have long been of the opinion that you should put your trust in people. But I am finding it increasingly hard to, and I'll be honest, I don't like it.
Two incidents at work haven't helped. A disagreement with a colleague over two employees, where the argument verged on the ridiculous upset me on Friday. the colleague is someone I would have considered a friend. But the aftermath has left a bitter taste. The other incident was a guy who works under me, who is leaving next week. He asked for time off for his kids Christmas play, and i told him to make up the time or take a half day holiday. This was all in email, so i got a snotty email back where he also copied in my boss. This is a guy who gets time off for every hospital appointment, every time his car breaks down. He has recently came under my supervision and clearly doesn't like it, but his reaction tells me so much about him. And I can't help feeling disappointed. But it probably says more about him than me. I really need to learn how to let go quickly of these thoughts in my head that i let play over and over again. I know in both occasions I was right in what i was doing, but the reaction of those involved has told me a lot about the human condition, and how little trust we can put in others.
The diet is still going strong, but having real difficulty getting the exercising going. It snowed here today, and the cold weather is keeping me in bed, but I know that is an excuse and I need to be stronger!!
Two incidents at work haven't helped. A disagreement with a colleague over two employees, where the argument verged on the ridiculous upset me on Friday. the colleague is someone I would have considered a friend. But the aftermath has left a bitter taste. The other incident was a guy who works under me, who is leaving next week. He asked for time off for his kids Christmas play, and i told him to make up the time or take a half day holiday. This was all in email, so i got a snotty email back where he also copied in my boss. This is a guy who gets time off for every hospital appointment, every time his car breaks down. He has recently came under my supervision and clearly doesn't like it, but his reaction tells me so much about him. And I can't help feeling disappointed. But it probably says more about him than me. I really need to learn how to let go quickly of these thoughts in my head that i let play over and over again. I know in both occasions I was right in what i was doing, but the reaction of those involved has told me a lot about the human condition, and how little trust we can put in others.
The diet is still going strong, but having real difficulty getting the exercising going. It snowed here today, and the cold weather is keeping me in bed, but I know that is an excuse and I need to be stronger!!
Sunday, 30 November 2008
Sunday Sunday
Today hasn't been a good day. I have been feeling sorry for myself today. Suprisingly the diet has been doing well, with another healthy day. Usually this type of day would see me stuffing my face with rubbish, but i haven't.
The reason have been felling down is i have been thinking of how my life is changing. My brother, once my best friend, is leaving for Australia next year. The fact he is leaving isn't what is upsetting me, its the manner in which it is being done. He has never spoken to me about it. I don't know how we got from being so close to being so distant. But over the last couple of years we have drifted apart. He is married with a young son, and obviously these things change people. But i don't think this is down to why we aren't close anymore. He is the same with my parents. My dad has lung cancer and my mum has recently fractured her ankle, yet he is as distant with them. I visited them today and Dave was there with his son harry. He hardly spoke to me then left after i had been there 20 minutes. With this likely to be my dads Christmas, and my brother emigrating soon the dynamics of my family will change forever. This is making me very sad. I think what makes it all the worse is that it could be so different. The problem is my family don't like to talk about these things. But if we don't talk it could be too late. So what do i do? Do i leave it and let it run it natural course? Or do i do something with the risk being I make matters worse? How could they be worse?
As i have said my dad has lung cancer, yet we have never spoke about it. Hey his choice i suppose and i need to respect that. I don't know how long he has left but i don't think he will be with us long. He has no quality of life and things will only get worse. And it is breaking my heart to know that my brother is set for a new life, and it will probably be the last we see of him. I pretend it isn't the case, but i am really hurt by his decision to cut us out of his life. Not the fact he is leaving for pastures new. But the way that he has kept all his plans secret from me. What have i done to him for him to not want to tell me, to discuss his future plans. I may never know.
So today hasn't been a good day. I have been reserved today, choosing not to discuss it, but would speaking about it make it any better? I need to decide what course of action to take with my family. Speak up, or shut up. Either way i don't hold much hope for a happy ending.
PS after doing a spell check for this blog I noticed how many times I have typed don't(and mispelled it). Maybe I need to change the don'ts to do's.
The reason have been felling down is i have been thinking of how my life is changing. My brother, once my best friend, is leaving for Australia next year. The fact he is leaving isn't what is upsetting me, its the manner in which it is being done. He has never spoken to me about it. I don't know how we got from being so close to being so distant. But over the last couple of years we have drifted apart. He is married with a young son, and obviously these things change people. But i don't think this is down to why we aren't close anymore. He is the same with my parents. My dad has lung cancer and my mum has recently fractured her ankle, yet he is as distant with them. I visited them today and Dave was there with his son harry. He hardly spoke to me then left after i had been there 20 minutes. With this likely to be my dads Christmas, and my brother emigrating soon the dynamics of my family will change forever. This is making me very sad. I think what makes it all the worse is that it could be so different. The problem is my family don't like to talk about these things. But if we don't talk it could be too late. So what do i do? Do i leave it and let it run it natural course? Or do i do something with the risk being I make matters worse? How could they be worse?
As i have said my dad has lung cancer, yet we have never spoke about it. Hey his choice i suppose and i need to respect that. I don't know how long he has left but i don't think he will be with us long. He has no quality of life and things will only get worse. And it is breaking my heart to know that my brother is set for a new life, and it will probably be the last we see of him. I pretend it isn't the case, but i am really hurt by his decision to cut us out of his life. Not the fact he is leaving for pastures new. But the way that he has kept all his plans secret from me. What have i done to him for him to not want to tell me, to discuss his future plans. I may never know.
So today hasn't been a good day. I have been reserved today, choosing not to discuss it, but would speaking about it make it any better? I need to decide what course of action to take with my family. Speak up, or shut up. Either way i don't hold much hope for a happy ending.
PS after doing a spell check for this blog I noticed how many times I have typed don't(and mispelled it). Maybe I need to change the don'ts to do's.
Saturday, 29 November 2008
The weekend
i haven' posted for a few days. To be honest I had a quick thought to scrap the blog and start again. The reason? I haven't been doing good with the exercise. The diet is going well, apart from having a few beers after a bad day at work on Friday I have been sticking to my plan. Yes I could be doing better but the plan isn't to beat myself up and make it so strict I crack. The first major hurdle with the diet is the weekend. I don't know how many times I have started a diet, done well then hit the weekend and let it go. Takeaway meals, feasting on snacks at night. Somehow in my head, once i trip up i really go for it, pigging out while convincing myself I will start again the next Monday and everything will be fine. Well the stats prove that's not true. But so far this weekend has went well. There was no cooked breakfast at work which is the norm for a Saturday. Lunch was a sandwich which was good. Even at the football, when my mates were tucking in to Pittodrie's finest pies, i made do with a bovril to help heat me up. Supper was home made broth which i had made earlier. If i can make it through the evening by having some fruit only then i will have cracked my first Saturday on a diet for a very long time, then it will be onto Sunday!!
So onto the exercising. The truth is i found the first day really hard and made excuses to not go out again. But that has to stop. One of my problems is making excuses in my head which stop me doing the things i should be doing. I have to get this sorted, but i know it will be hard. One key in losing weight is to increase my metabolism. The two main things is to build muscles, and to exercise. So even if i go out and fail to meet my daily expectations, that is better than not going out at all. So on Monday i am determined to to drag myself out of bed and to do my programme, even if it is going to be dark and freezing cold.
Monday will be the first time i have weighed myself since i started. I'm not expecting anything great, especially because I have failed with the exercising, but any loss will be good.
On Friday my friend Pat got out of hospital and i think reading his blog should help me put into context what i hope to achieve compared to him. He has been so positive with his battle, and for me to achieve my goal i have to learn to think like him. when i wake tomorrow i will think of him and take inspiration from him.
So onto the exercising. The truth is i found the first day really hard and made excuses to not go out again. But that has to stop. One of my problems is making excuses in my head which stop me doing the things i should be doing. I have to get this sorted, but i know it will be hard. One key in losing weight is to increase my metabolism. The two main things is to build muscles, and to exercise. So even if i go out and fail to meet my daily expectations, that is better than not going out at all. So on Monday i am determined to to drag myself out of bed and to do my programme, even if it is going to be dark and freezing cold.
Monday will be the first time i have weighed myself since i started. I'm not expecting anything great, especially because I have failed with the exercising, but any loss will be good.
On Friday my friend Pat got out of hospital and i think reading his blog should help me put into context what i hope to achieve compared to him. He has been so positive with his battle, and for me to achieve my goal i have to learn to think like him. when i wake tomorrow i will think of him and take inspiration from him.
Thursday, 27 November 2008
Day 3 what fitness regime?
well only on day three and i miss out the exercise. What am I playing at? Well i know, i am making excuses. Got up later than i should have, and thought well its ok i will just do my exercises at night. But after getting our shopping, driving out with my mums shopping, then heading home it was 9.30pm and i was pooped.
My mum fractured her ankle on Monday and will need a zimmer frame for 6 weeks. My dad has lung cancer and a weak heart so is fully dependant on my mum. So the situation is hard. But not that bad that i need to make excuses about the exercise.
The diet is going fine, once again nothing glamorous, just eat healthy, cut out the junk food.
My mum fractured her ankle on Monday and will need a zimmer frame for 6 weeks. My dad has lung cancer and a weak heart so is fully dependant on my mum. So the situation is hard. But not that bad that i need to make excuses about the exercise.
The diet is going fine, once again nothing glamorous, just eat healthy, cut out the junk food.
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