I'm no Quitter

Last night while lying in bed excruciating pain(sorry milking it) I was thinking over the last few weeks and months of my journey, and how much I have achieved. I think the one thing I have gained is knowledge. My concern last night was how I have always seem myself as a quitter. i have quitted more diets than I would care to remember. I have great intentions for so many things and never see them through. The whole purpose of this blog is to control these failings in my life. But as i lay there last night i came to realise I have been too hard on myself. I'm not a quitter. in fact I am the exact opposite. I've been married for 6 years, with a 5 year old quitter. Hey times haven't always been great but I am still there, still trying to make it work. And it is. I have been with my current employer over 11 years. I have hated it at times but am still here. That's not a quitter. I have a season ticket at Pittodrie, and have done for over a decade, the worst spell in the clubs history. That's not the sign of a quitter. its time i wasn't so hard on myself for never seeing anything through, and started focusing on the things I have stuck with. This focus will help get to where I want to get to.

Ouchy

that's the second kettlebell session i have had with Ray and the second time I have been left in agony. Today my shoulders feel like they have sized up and my abs and thighs burn when i move them. What are you doing to me man?? Last night I intended going for a swim. I left the house at 8.45pm but took a call about work on the way. As it was windy i sheltered behind a fence to talk. When the call was finished I went into the swimming pool only to be told the last admission was 9pm and i was 5 minutes late. I had a laugh to myself. Typical me, best intentions gone out the window!! Last night i had a poor sleep as I struggled with the sore shoulders.

Last night I also handled my fast better, not feeling so hungry afterwards. We had a meal of fajitas and i followed that with some fruit later on. My next fast day will probably be Thursday. I might adjust the times so it runs from lunch time to lunch time.

I also finished Animal Farm last night. I was surprised how much I enjoyed it. The book is based on Stalin and the Bolshevik uprising. The book splits the different factors into animals with the pigs being the cleverest animals taking the lead and starting out by promising everyone that all animals are equal. But as time progresses the lies and greed that are typical of humans shines through until the communist state the animals hoped to live in turns into a dictatorship that none of them are able to overturn. This book has given me an appetite to read more on the history of Stalin. But not until i have went onto read the other George Orwell novels i have. Next off is Burmese days.

Tonight I am out to see Mum at Inverurie hospital. I phoned this morning and she has settled in well, she is in a small room of two. The doctor visits this afternoon, then the occupational therapist tomorrow. I hope to speak to a nurse to get a better understanding of the rehabilitation plan.

Mum has been moved to Inverurie Hospital and onto the next phase of her recovery. This weekend she was definitely more positive, and stated she was determined to get better, which is half the battle. Tonight I will phone her to see how she has settled in, then go visit her tomorrow.

this weekend has been family time. We went out for a meal on Saturday to TGI Fridays. Never again. Overpriced bland food and huge portions that left us bloated and out of pocket. Sunday we went to see Monsters v Aliens 3D. 3D films work brilliantly in animation and looks like the way to go for future films. Pity it was so pricey, with an adult viewing costing £9.60 each!!

I headed down to AMAG for a session with Ray and the kettlebells. Ray went over a four week programme for em to do at home. Though I struggled in class this programme is short and direct, taking up less than 30 minutes a day 3 times a week. Today I am sore in my shoulders and thighs. If i can, i intend to go for a swim tonight to help ease the muscles.

Today is fasting day, i last ate at 6pm Sunday so have went all day without food and apart from a small time in the afternoon have coped well with it. I am looking forward to my supper though!! Below is a link to an article that has an interesting take on fasting

http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2007/11/071106092013.htm

Lets shift this weight

So that was my first fast. The unusual thing for me was how easy it was. I didn't have any rumbling stomach, no mad food thoughts. What was probably more unusual was that after it finished i had some macaroni cheese in the evening, and then felt hungry the whole night. I would have thought my stomach would have shrunk and the pasta would have filled me up but it seemed to work in the opposite way. I think the times I fast may also need to be changed, but I can work on that. I certainly think the flexibility of fasting two days a week and eating normally the rest is the best option for me.

I worked out my BMI yesterday, it is 31.25 making me officially obese. No news there though, but a benchmark for me to work from. This weekend I will be having more hospital visits, and hopefully a session with Ray down at AMAG. I'm on call with work this weekend so always expect the unexpected!!
As of next week Mum will be out in the Donbank ward at Inverurie hospital. Visiting just got harder!!

Time to Reflect

So much has happened since i started this blog. I thought now would be a good time to look at the original aim and see how far I have progressed. The 5 parts of my revolution were
Health and Fitness
Finance
Family
Culture and Arts
Career

lets look at each one individually

Health and Fitness - this one takes up a lot of my thoughts but not so much of my time. unfortunately time is precious at the moment and the natural thing is to let and plans slide. This isn't an excuse but more a reason, and something I need to address. Maybe I should spend more time thinking of time management!!
I have attended the kettlebells workshop and will hook up with Ray soon. I have bought my own kettlebell and this I am sure will give me good balance in my life. I have also started the new diet, and today I am fasting, and with only two hours left can honestly say it has been easier than I thought. The benefits wont be known for sometime but I am confident I can make it work.
Conclusion - could do better
Finance - once again I am sure there is more I can be doing, but I am slowly getting to where I want to be. The truth is addressing the problem was the biggest step and the rest should be easy. Never intended to be solved overnight I am happy with the small progress I have made
Conclusion - on the right path
Family - Since the original blog post so much has changed. What I shall say is I am finding it a strain to keep everyone happy, including myself, but feel the responsibility and am determined to do the right thing for everyone. I hope to get the balance right.
Conclusion - tough going but just about keeping it together!
Culture and Arts - another one that is hard when time is so limited, but I am happy that I am getting away form the couch potato I was once. The quality of my reading is improving, having just finished To Kill a Mockingbird I am now onto Animal Farm. It doesn't have much resemblance to the film of the same name I watched as a teenager though!! I also picked up the guitar last night which felt good. I will try and make that more regular.
Conclusion - could do better
Career - Well the Global Credit Crunch has put paid to any idea of moving jobs this year, but what with all that is happening in my private life that's OK, a few months wont hurt

So my overall conclusion is I could be doing much better, but for now I wont be beating myself up about it. My focus has to be being there for others around me. Things will change so much over the next few months that it is hard to make any definite plans, but I fell if anything my knowledge of where I want to be has improved.

the goal posts move again

Mum is now in ward 50. when i visited last night and spoke to the nurse they had very little knowledge of her and her background. So i sat and talked about what had happened and what she was like before the overdose. The nurse told me they were now looking to move her to Inverurie hospital to a slow go rehabilitation programme. The other one they do is at Woodend Hospital but has a long waiting list. She also told me to phone Dave and discuss the long term future as it is likely she wont be able to go home to her own home again. This is completely different to last week when they were discussing her going home with some assistance. I haven't had the heart to tell her she wont be going home yet, firstly because I think it will upset her and secondly because i don't know how true it is. Every doctor and nurse has told me a different story, who do I believe. The fact is she is not safe to go home just now, but how much will that change over the next few weeks and months. The nurse last night was great and made the effort to phone everyone involved, consultants, occupational therapists, psychiatrists, to get there take on things. We should have a clearer picture next week.
I have started my 24 hour fast. It started at 7pm last night, so i am already over 12 hours in. This will mean I can have something to eat tonight. Last night I also got the guitar out. As you may remember this was one of the aims in my original revolution. I managed to get it tuned last night. Anything to avoid watching the Apprentice!! I am also continuing to look at ways to reduce my outgoings. More on that to come.

its been a few days since i last posted. Mum is still in hospital and the roller coaster continues to run. She has had her MRI scan but hasn't received the results back. I spoke to a Doctor on Monday who advised it was highly likely she has permanent brain damage. The extent if this is still unclear. We discussed what the next stage of her treatment is. She doesn't need medical assistance so they are keep to discharge her from hospital. The problem is she cant go home on her own. This was evident when last night Dave phoned to say Mum had went missing. The hospital had phoned to say they couldn't find her. She was being moved wards and was in the television room waiting confirmation of what ward she was going to. She told a nurse she was off to have a cigarette, even though she hasn't smoked in over three weeks, is on patches, and had no money!! when she returned she went to the first floor TV room instead of the second floor, and everyone panicked. A perfect example of why she cant go home on her own!!
All her tests will be done by the end of this week and a meeting is scheduled for next week to decide the best plan. They mentioned Inverurie Hospital to me this morning as an option, I will know more tonight.
Over the past few days I have been looking at various diets and fitness regimes. My life is all over the place just now with so many commitments i am finding it impossible to stick to any given plan, be it dietary or fitness. But that shouldn't mean i cant tackle the main issue in this blog, to lose weight. i came across a system called EatStopEat. The basis of this fat loss programme is to fast two days a week. This means in any given week you are removing 4000 plus calories from your weekly intake. It also requires strength exercises to build muscle tissue. This would be where the kettlebells would come into play!
I have to explain that I have tried to lose weight more times than I care to remember. I know the majority of times it is due to my lack of willpower and lack of discipline. But this system of fasting twice a week followed by normal eating patterns combined with weight based workouts is something that is very flexible. For example the fasting. It is required for a 24 hour period. On Monday i have my last meal at 6pm. I then don't eat for 24 hours, meaning I cant eat until 6pm Tuesday. This means though i am fasting for 24 hours i am not missing one whole day of eating. It is also flexible in that if Tuesday isn't a good day, say i am having lunch with someone through work, i can then change it to Wednesday. Now whether or not the claims about helping weight loss and increasing the metabolism are true, i honestly don't know. While doing my research i found arguments for and against fasting. But due to its flexible nature I will give it a try.
The fitness side has to be more structured. i need to hook up with Ray at AMAG to get the kettlebells workout he has written for me. I was swinging the bell on Monday out in my back garden and it felt good, though i am still convinced my technique isn't great, but with practice it will get better.
I have also been looking into rearranging my finances and working my budget harder but more of that later this week.