mum

this post has been two weeks in the making and may drag on a bit. Just over two weeks ago i had a meeting with Alison from Inverurie Hospital, Kerry from the Care Co that is looking after mum and myself. Mum was also there. We decided it was a good time to meet up as mum had been down for a few days and seemed to lack motivation. She was also having problems with her diabetes and was going hypo too many times.
So we sat and chatted about things. The first subject was the care my mum was receiving. She has three different carers go in and see her three times a day, 8.30am, 12.30pm and 5pm. She also gets two visit a week of two hours so she can go shopping, or out somewhere. The main problem is mum doesn't utilise the carers to her best advantage. When they ask if she needs help with her housework she tells them she can manage fine, but then she doesn't motivate herself to do it. They help her with her shopping but for the most they just keep a check on her making sure she is coping. This frustrates her and i can appreciate that. We discussed how best to work with the carers, that they were there to help, not just to check up on her.

We then spoke about her sleeping. She said she was sleeping fine, but Kerry raised concerns with this. Mum had a heat rash and received medication from her doctor. It had made her drowsy and once i had to go out and let the carer in as she had overslept. Kerry advised that mum had taken these tablets to help her sleep as she had been having trouble lately. Well obviously this was a big no no and a shocker! So we discussed this, and decided she needs to address this with her doctor. She is still on anti-depressants and this was to be reviewed. Kerry agreed to go with mum to the doctor to discuss things.


We discussed at length her diabetes. She is really struggling with it, her blood sugar level is all over the place. Alison said she would arrange a meeting with the diabetic nurse to try and get a better understanding of where it is going wrong. Mum said when her blood sugar levels are high she feels lethargic, but when it is low she feels energetic. Problem is when she drops too low she runs the risk of going hypo!


We also discussed the bereavement counselling my mum had received. She told us they had said they couldn't help her as long as she was on anti depressants. This sounded strange so it was agreed to review this and to contact Cruise(the bereavement councillors) for a new appointment. I offered to attend but Mum said she would prefer to meet on her own.


Mum said she wanted a dog. We had spoke about this and decided it would be a good thing, so the search will begin.


Finally i suggested a couple of things to help. One was a to do list, that everyone could write in, and it may help motivate mum. Secondly i asked if she could write down what she was spending. As i am looking after her money i am finding it a bit tough to keep her within budget. Nothing serious but writing things down would help.


So that was the meeting, everyone was happy, and progress was made.

I continued to phone each day, she seemed fine. But a few thing started to concern me. She was very reluctant to write anything on her to do list, or write down what money she was spending. I tried to reassure her saying it wasn't me checking up but trying to help. Then last week Dave left for a months trip to Australia. I phoned her on the Sunday then the Monday and she seemed down. She hadn't done anything that weekend, even though the weather was good. On the Monday i was down with a sickness bug and she phoned concerned I hadn't phoned her. That was fine and we spoke for a bit. Then on Tuesday i still had a touch of diarrhea and phoned her and she was ok. On Wednesday Kim came down with the bug i had, so i had to head home, get Aisha ready for school then take her down. Just as i was about to leave Kerry phoned me to say she couldn't get into the house. Dilemma. What do i do. Aisha had to get to school but i couldn't leave mum going hypo. Fortunately Kerry phoned back to say mum was up, she could see her through the window, but was walking about in a daze not responding. After a few minutes she managed to get her attention and get her to open the door. She said she would phone the nurse. Enough time for me to get Aisha to school and then i headed out to Inverurie. When i got there the nurse was gone but mum was sat with Kerry. She seemed a bit dazed. She explained after being hypo she usually felt ill for the rest of the day. his was a change from when i was a kid, as usually if she went hypo she was in a good mood afterwards. We talked for a bit, discussed what had happened. Then Kerry left, and i walked her to the door where we chatted for a few minutes. She raised a few concerns one of which was mums ability to put on a show that everything is fine when it isn't. I thanked her for her help and went in to speak to mum.

I tried to get to the source of what was up. she had been down for a few days, and had rejected any attempt at encouraging her to get out and do things. I asked if it was dad and she said it wasn't. I asked if there was anything else. She said she was worried about how Dave and Harry were getting on in Australia. Dave, Lara and Harri left last Saturday for a month in Australia. I told her there was no need to worry, they were on holiday and would have been having a great time. she then seemed to get a bit upset but i couldn't work out why. I told her i was there for her, what ever she needed. We had a look at the to do list. One item was to phone Cruise, the bereavement councillors. I phoned for her and got her an appointment for the next day. i also asked her to do a couple of things off the list. When i left she seemed better. I phoned her later that day and asked how she got on with what she had to do, and she said she hadn't but that was ok, i knew she wasn't feeling great after going hypo.
the next day she had her appointment with Cruise. I phoned after to see how she got on. She said she had broke down, and cried a lot. She said she told them she felt that she wasn't there any more, that everyone focused on the diabetes, and not on her the person. She then broke down speaking to me saying how sorry she was and that if it wasn't for me and Dave she didn't know what she would do. I reassured her that we were there, and everything would be ok.
Afterwards while thinking about what had been happening, i started to think about how much of my mums problems are bereavement and how much are depression. Last week i spoke to her one day and she said her blood sugar was high but she was going to head out for a walk to get it down a bit. When i phoned her the next day she said she didn't bother going, preferring to sit about the house all day, even though it was a sunny day. She had a clear choice, she knew what to do to make herself feel better, and chose to sit about. To me this is an indication of depression.

After the meeting when it was decided she would go to the doctor with Kerry, who as a carer would have been allowed into the meeting, mum made the appointment. Unfortunately the appointment was for a Monday, and mum didn't tell Kerry about it until the Sunday, so she went on her own and when she came back she said the Doctor said just to continue as she is with the same pills. I spoke to Kerry about this and she got mum to make another appointment when she will attend.
I need to wrap this post up as i have been rambling on a bit. Mum has another appointment with the bereavement councillor next week as well as her doctors appointment. Those should go a long way to determining what the short term future brings. I'm heading out today to do some gardening for her and to see if she is ok. I think we all know now that things were not as rosy as they seemed and the road to recovery will be a long one!!