Sunday Sunday

Sunday was spent going back and forth to the hospital. When i went in mum was sleeping. When she woke she looked up at me with tears in her eyes. I tried to be strong but the tears came. I dont think i have ever felt so sad as when i looked into my mums eyes then. At least with dads cancer we knew where we were with it, what to expect, but with this there are still far too many questions.
Over the course of the day she improved slightly but not much. A lumbar Puncture was carried out at around 4pm. This was done more to rule things out such as infection or meningitis rather than to find out what has happened. After the procedure she was tired and as she still cant speak we left her for the night.
The evening was spent speaking to relatives who have been a great support. when dad died and i was speaking to relatives i could feel the tears at the back of my head and had to fight to keep them back, that feeling returned last night. I cant get out of my head the last time I saw my dad. I visited him in the rest room before he was cremated to tell him i loved him and that I would look after mum. I hope he doesnt think i have failed him.
I have changed my work schedule so i can get away early and up to the hospital for afternoon visiting. I will phone this morning to see how she has been. I expect she has been moved to a new ward. I hope there has been some progress, even if it is slight.
This morning I weighed myself. I am 96kg. No surprise there as any structure in my life has gone completely. This week I am going to try and get down to AMAG to pick up the kettlebell Ray has left for me. I desperately need something else to focus on.