Sunday Sunday

Today hasn't been a good day. I have been feeling sorry for myself today. Suprisingly the diet has been doing well, with another healthy day. Usually this type of day would see me stuffing my face with rubbish, but i haven't.

The reason have been felling down is i have been thinking of how my life is changing. My brother, once my best friend, is leaving for Australia next year. The fact he is leaving isn't what is upsetting me, its the manner in which it is being done. He has never spoken to me about it. I don't know how we got from being so close to being so distant. But over the last couple of years we have drifted apart. He is married with a young son, and obviously these things change people. But i don't think this is down to why we aren't close anymore. He is the same with my parents. My dad has lung cancer and my mum has recently fractured her ankle, yet he is as distant with them. I visited them today and Dave was there with his son harry. He hardly spoke to me then left after i had been there 20 minutes. With this likely to be my dads Christmas, and my brother emigrating soon the dynamics of my family will change forever. This is making me very sad. I think what makes it all the worse is that it could be so different. The problem is my family don't like to talk about these things. But if we don't talk it could be too late. So what do i do? Do i leave it and let it run it natural course? Or do i do something with the risk being I make matters worse? How could they be worse?
As i have said my dad has lung cancer, yet we have never spoke about it. Hey his choice i suppose and i need to respect that. I don't know how long he has left but i don't think he will be with us long. He has no quality of life and things will only get worse. And it is breaking my heart to know that my brother is set for a new life, and it will probably be the last we see of him. I pretend it isn't the case, but i am really hurt by his decision to cut us out of his life. Not the fact he is leaving for pastures new. But the way that he has kept all his plans secret from me. What have i done to him for him to not want to tell me, to discuss his future plans. I may never know.
So today hasn't been a good day. I have been reserved today, choosing not to discuss it, but would speaking about it make it any better? I need to decide what course of action to take with my family. Speak up, or shut up. Either way i don't hold much hope for a happy ending.

PS after doing a spell check for this blog I noticed how many times I have typed don't(and mispelled it). Maybe I need to change the don'ts to do's.