Here are week 4 results
Age: 39
Height: 5' 9"
Weight: 211 lbs
% Body Fat: 28.1%
Lean Body Mass: 152lbs
Fat Mass: 59 lbs

ok, so looking at the figures it looks like i have once again lost Lean Body Mass but the calipers I use show 30-31mm as 28.1% body fat, and my measurement is down from 31 to 30mm, so i feel there has been progress made. Certainly my overall weight is down and that is good. I am taking steps in the right direction with the eating, splitting my meals down, avoiding junk, simple really. It has an effect on family life and can be tough, not eating with the family due to other constraints, but not that big a deal in the grand scheme of things.The fitness side has been bad this week. A culmination of long working hours, Christmas build up and very bad weather has made it tough, and all i have wanted to do was hibernate. Last night was -14 deg C and it hasnt been much above freezing for the last week. The roads have been trechorious, so things have ground to a halt. But I made a decision if the fitness suffered the diet wouldn't. So looking back on the week i am happy enough all things considered. This next week is the big challenge, not to put on wieght over Christmas. I have already decided to treat Christmas day as a normal day, i dont want things disrupted because I am eating my meals over 5 sittings! But I will avoid the usual excess as best I can!!

Here are my stats for week 2 of my challenge

Age: 39
Height: 5' 9"
Weight: 218 lbs
% Body Fat: 28.1%
Lean Body Mass: 157lbs
Fat Mass: 61 lbs

Looking at those stats the big shift has been the lean body mass, which is dissapointing. But this could be down to me not measuring myself accurately with the accumeasure body fat calipers. I need to practice more to make sure I am doing it right. When i do it and i take a measurement I am not 100% convinced it is accurate!what is good is i lost 7lb overall. Ok so not as much fat as i wanted, but my weight came down and if nothing else it gave me a positive feeling!!So lets review the last week. Nutrition - i am closer to the 5 meals a day target, but still dont measure my meals and have an accurate calorie amount for each meal. But what I am eating is healthy and balanced. One struggle is the in between meal meals, if that makes sense! What to eat at 10am and 4pm!! But certianly i feel progrss has been made since last week, and it will only get better.Fitness - i completed the first week of my running programme, and it felt good, especially with the weather being so awful. I have also devised a simple kettlebells programme that I will follow, I will post this up in the next couple of days. My finger was dislocated in the car accident but is only badly staved and will be back to normal in a couple of weeks. I tried the kettlebell and it will be fine, press ups etc are still a problem. Once I have the running and kettlebell programme going, and am happy with them I plan to add in some swimming. But thats a couple weeks away. I am trying to progress through to these things. One common mistake I made in the past is I would make these great plans in my head about what I would do and never did. This time it is a different approach.

Last night I got myself out and done my 30 minute running challenge in the snow. The snow made it harder, as in some places it was like running on sand. so I headed for the local school as the car park was cleared better than most places and ran round the edge of the car park. i did a minute running with two minutes walking for 30 minutes, and coped surprisingly well considering the weather, conditions and the fact i struggled a bit with it last week!!Back out again on Thursday. Tonight i head off to see the Wedding Present at the Tunnels to re-live my youth. Last time I seen them was at the Venue in Aberdeen in '88, when we all had slimmer waists and more hair!!

WEEK 1
Well thats the first week in, time for a review. I will split it into two sections, fitness and nutrition.
FITNESS - this has been a let down, mostly due to the bad weather. But I cant use that as an excuse. So i will head out tonight running. As I only completed one part of my running plan I will start again from scratch. I also plan to clear out my garage tonight so I can make room for some kettlebell swinging!!
NUTRITION - This has been better than fitness, but is still no where near where I should be. I haven't written up a proper eating plan. I am not controlling my calories, I am still guessing. Where I have made progress is my mental state. Now when I eat something, I think of the good it will do me, and more importantly the harm it will do me. My biggest issue this week has been due to poor planning of meals, I have been going into starvation mode. But I know I am doing it, and I know how to solve it, I just need to concentrate on sorting out the meal plan. Last night was spent making meals for the next couple of days. I will get there eventually!
Below are my new stats for the week
Age: 39Height: 5' 9"Weight: 225 lbs% Body Fat: 28.6%Lean Body Mass: 162lbs Fat Mass: 63 lbs
The change is purely down to me using the accumeasure fat calipers, as my old calipers broke. These should be far more accurate. I am going to measure myself every night, but only to put the practice in so i can get as accurate a reading as possible!
All in all I don't want to beat myself up too much for the last week. My mental attitude is better and that is a big step forward. I didn't expect to lose any weight as I had a day out on Saturday with beer involved, but that's gone and I don't plan any more alcohol until the New Year. This week is another new beginning!

Yesterday i started my 6 week running routine, Christ it was hard work near the end. I also done what was even harder, i took some photos of myself as a reference. Nothing brings it home more than looking at those photos. i will post them up here but not yet. i took a photo with a newspaper to show the correct date, and will use this as my bench mark. i also took some base stats for me to work on. They are

Age: 39
Height: 5' 9"
Weight: 225 lbs%
Body Fat: 32%
Lean Body Mass: 153lbs
Fat Mass: 72 lbs

Now the first two i cant doing anything about, but the rest will get addresses. I used a set of skin thickness calipers to work out my body fat, i don't know how accurate they are but they will do me. I will measure myself each week. So 72lb of fat to burn off. Last night was a start, unfortunately a woman crashed her car into mine last week and I have injured the finger on my left hand. This will restrict the weight training i had planned, and also the swimming I was going to do, but i cant keep putting this off, so i will do what i can. i have the hospital tomorrow so hopefully the finger is on the mend.
My aim is simple, 2lb a week every week, with no lean body mass lost, and ideally body mass increased due to muscle gain. I know that wont happen straight away, i need to work at it, as I still don't have the nutrition side nailed down yet. Yesterday I tried 5 small meals and the culture change is huge, and will have an impact on my home life, but they understand.
Starting now is also significant because I didn't want to wait until the New Year as I would just put on even more weight over the holidays, not what i want!!

Run Fat Boy Run

I have come across an ideal running plan to get me started. it covers 6 miles and takes someone who is a poor runner into someone who can run for 30 minutes. This will be stage 1. The plan is

Week 1
Monday - run 1 min, walk 2 mins, repeat 10 times
Tuesday - rest
Wednesday - run 1 min, walk 1 min, repeat 10 times
Thursday - rest
Friday - rest
Saturday - run 1 min, walk 1 min, repeat 15 times
Sunday - rest

Week 2
Monday - run 2 mins, walk 2 mins, repeat 6 times
Tuesday - rest
Wednesday run 2 mins, walk 2 mins, repeat 10 times
Thursday - rest
Friday - rest
Saturday - run 2 mins, walk 1 min, repeat 10 times
Sunday - rest

Week 3
Monday - run 3 mins, walk 3 mins, repeat 5 times
Tuesday - rest
Wednesday - run 3 mins, walk 2 mins, repeat 6 times
Thursday - rest
Friday - rest
Saturday - run 5 mins, walk 1 min, repeat 10 times
Sunday - rest

Week 4
Monday - run 6 mins, walk 3 mins, repeat 4 times
Tuesday - rest
Wednesday - run 5 mins, walk 2 mins, repeat 4 times
Thursday - rest
Friday - rest
Saturday - run 8 mins, walk 3 mins, repeat 3 times
Sunday - rest

Week 5
Monday - run 8 mins, walk 2 mins, repeat 3 times
Tuesday - rest
Wednesday - run 10 minutes, walk 2 mins, repeat 2 times
Thursday - rest
Friday - rest
Saturday - run 20 minutes
Sunday - rest

Week 6
Monday - run 12 Min's, walk 2 Min's, repeat 2 times
Tuesday - rest
Wednesday - run 15 Min's, walk 2 Min's, repeat 2 times
Thursday - rest
Friday - rest
Saturday - run 30 minutes
Sunday - rest

All this effort to go from walking and being out of breath to being able to run 30 minutes will take combined just over 9 hours of my time over the next 6 weeks. Not much is it. It also means i can work in other exercises such as kettlebells without impacting on my time too much.

This weekend I re-read some of my most recent posts, a little reminder of where I am. I covered diet, and with that i know what I need to do. I also covered metabolism, and that is linked to diet(frequent meals) and also to exercise. So what will I need to do with that? Well lets start with the kettlebell. I will use this for strength and cardio vascular exercises. I will also start hitting the pavements with some running. Cycling might not be a great option with the dark nights and colder weather, and I will also do some swimming. One option i haven't considered recently is going to the gym. I don't like the gym, never have. But I have to build muscle to increase my metabolism, so maybe I don't have that option. Will i write out a plan? I don't know, it seems the one thing i am good at is breaking plans!! I will look at other options as well, like walking. I was out this weekend and it was great just to get some air into my lungs. Anything else? One thing i will look at is taking part in some sports. Football would be beyond me just now, but is a future option, but maybe badminton or squash. Lets see.

Its been nearly two months since I last posted a blog. A lot has happened in the last two months, and my plans have been side railed. My good friend Pat passed away, and that really took the wind out of my sails, then Kims dad was diagnosed with lung cancer which has spread to his brain. But this isnt the right place or time to discuss my feelings at this time. This blog was set up for me to track my fitness progress, and it diverted away to a sound board for me to gripe about life. So its time it got back to being what it was supposed to be.
I have done very little exercise lately, my diet has been poor. Loads of excuses, none of them valid. I re-read my recent posts, and have now got back on track with my earlier aims. I now feel ready to start again.
One thing I havent done with this blog is post any photos, so to change that I am going to post up photos of myself in all my glory, another reminder of why i wanted to start all this. I can then use it as a visual benchmark of where I started. it wont be pretty. But I think by getting it out there it will make me more determined to change. Another big factor is I will be 40 next year, and i dont want to start another decade out of shape. I suppose as I get older health and fitness become even more important, i need to keep reminding myself that!!

Diet

Diet is going to be my biggest problem, i know, because historically it has been my biggest problem and i cant see how that is going to change. I have looked to see why i have such an issue with food. I can remember as a kid scoffing chocolate biscuits before my parents got up out of their beds! I can remember it pissed them off. i can't remember why I had such a hang up with food. But I continue to try and beat it.
My diet will consist of enough calories to keep my metabolism working hard, but not too much that I start to store more fat. The principal of cutting 500 calories a day by reducing intake by 250 calories and 250 calories burned through exercise is still a good benchmark, but my diet has to contain the right foods, the right balance. But strangely the biggest challenge will be to continue eating all day, splitting into 6 meals a day. The body takes 2.1/2 hours to digest a meal, so i am looking to eating every 2.1/2 to 3 hours. This should mean the metabolism is getting maximum energy from food, the right food. One problem is my lack of real knowledge of food. I need to read up on proteins, carbohydrates and fats so i know what i am putting into me is the right foods!
One challenge will be eating out. Aisha likes a MacDonald's now and again, maybe once a month. Taking her and Kim out without eating will be a real challenge. But one i feel i am ready for.

Metabolism

I have been doing research into how I can increase my metabolism for weight loss. One is by energy intake, ie food and drink, the other is by exercise. The key is to get the right balance of the two, so i lose weight while my metabolism increases.
Last night I read about the zig zag effect. its where you have a few low calorie days followed by a couple of high calorie days. The theory is that a few days of low calorie intake burns body fat, and before the metabolism can adjust to this new low intake a high calorie day or two increases the metabolic rate, ensuring fat is burned even faster. whether or not this works I don't know yet, i haven't done enough research, but it would make sense as to how I am not hitting 20 plus stones. I know My diet has been bad in the past, and I look at very fat people wondering, on the basis of how much i eat, how much they must put away! Maybe the difference is that most weeks i would start of with great intentions and this would fizzle out. Maybe i was on a zig zag diet without knowing it!!
To get my metabolism going I need to keep exercising, that I know. And one routine that stands out is kettlebells. I think the key with them is they give you a cardiovascular workout while building muscle. Building muscle is going to be key, as this will also increase the metabolism. I want to burn fat, and only fat.
i also need to understand my diet better. when i started this I hoped to keep my diet healthy, without having to make too many changes. This approach was wrong, I need a complete overhaul. The hearty meals is great, but I need to split that into 5 or 6 small healthy meals to get my metabolism going. I am researching how best to do this.
The final thing I am looking at is improving my sensory acuity when it comes to my body. I am going to chart this, and measuring will help, but if i can improve how I understand my own body, and what works and doesn't work for me, then i will have a better chance of succeeding.

Going for Goal

the last four weeks have seen my mindset change. My diet is steady, but no great, but the major change has been the level of activity. I am far more active than i have ever been, and more importantly I am enjoying it. The kettlebells is great, though i am out more on the bike, trying to use up as much of the summer as i can.
I have also been doing a lot of reading lately, trying to learn more about weight loss. I have also been trying to incorporate NLP into the fray, not easy with my limited knowledge. But I think i am going on the right direction. So this week, i have set myself a target of writing up my goals. I am going to write up a daily goal, a weekly goal, a monthly goal, a quarterly goal and a yearly goal. At the moment i will concentrate on fitness, but I am going to do something similar for my finances. Hopefully by setting targets I have something to aim for. I also want to do a proper assessment of myself physically before I begin, a sort of before and after shot. I am going to take all my measurements, and use them to assess my progress. My one concern and its a big one, is its groundhog day and I have been here so many times before. I don't know why this time its different, but i think the biggest one is that I have been assessing my life recently as I turn 39 next year. That means I am one year away from the big 4 0. A milestone i want to pass in far better shape than i am in now, both physically and financially. So i think with that coming up Its the right time to take it to the next stage.

last week has carried on pretty much from the week before, started good, fizzled out a bit due to work commitments. Still haven't weighed myself, i am not avoiding it, just haven't got round to it, but will do tonight. Need to get a figure to start from. This weekend I read a report that made more sense than all the articles I have read on weight loss. It was simple, easy to understand, straight to the point. After reading it i thought yes, that's it, that's how easy all this is. I have posted it below. It is aimed at those wanting to lose 10lb, but the facts apply to all weight loss.

Often people are not really overweight but instead are just looking at how to lose 10 pounds that have been hanging around for a few weeks or even a few years that they do not know how to get rid of. Well I have a few ideas on how to lose 10 pounds now and fast that should get you on the right track.
How to Lose 10 Pounds
1. When trying to lose weight it comes down to energy in and energy out. There is no real way around this. To lose 10 pounds you need to burn 35000 calories more than you take in. The math doesn’t lie and you can’t lie to a scale either.
2. Most of our body is water and because of this there is water retention. Your body combats what is throwing off electrolytes or stress or other factors and it will naturally retain water.
3. Fat is high in calories. High water foods are low in calories. In order to change that input output ratio you need to raise the amount of low calorie density foods and lower the amount of high caloric density foods. so eat less red meat and fatty deep fried food and eat more fruits and veggies which are high in water content and nutrients.
4. All weight loss comes with a reason. What is the reason that you want to lose the weight? When you are hungry and drive by a McDonalds or KFC and just want to do drive through what is going to stop you? Certainly not losing weight.

How to Lose 10 Pounds – Pulling this all together
So how do you pull all of this together? how to lose 10 pounds?
When you want to know how to lose weight it comes down to planning. Plan to drink a lot more water, it will make you pee more often but will also clean you out and give you move energy. You also have to get more exercise and by exercise I mean try to get one hour of exercise of any kind in a day. This needs to be exercise that you like and not exercise that just feels like work as that will not be sustainable.
As far as eating goes you will need to get back to those core eating habits of eating fruit and vegetables and reducing the amount of heavy carbs like rice and potatoes and make sure to eat often. Eating smaller meals more often will keep that metabolism up for you.
How to Lose 10 Pounds – Here are 5 lose 10 pounds tips
Eat all your food in 5 or 6 meals a day instead of three
Cut back on your White carbs (rice, potatoes, pasta) and substitute with vegetables, which are higher in water and nutrients anyway
Exercise first thing in the morning by walking or light jogging or even biking for 30 to 45 minutes
Drink water from morning until night to stave off those urges to eat more food and to keep your metabolism up
Eat all your food in those 5 or 6 meals before 7:30 at night so that you are not going to sleep on a full stomach
If you want to know the real secret of how to lose 10 pounds you need to worry about why you are trying to lose weight. On those days where it is really tough to diet or exercise or make good decisions then you need to be very clear what the heck this weight loss sacrifice is for. Is it going to make you more healthy, losing 10 pounds will make you a lot healthier. Or do you want to fit into smaller clothes? Or is it a goal to prove that you are in control of yourself? All of these reasons and more are important. Write you reasons down and post them up everywhere. Make sure that you never forget the WHY of how to lose 10 pounds.
So now you know what I know about how to lose 10 pounds the rest is up to you to plan, eat, drink, exercise and follow through on your goal.

To be able to lose a minimum of 1 pound a week, there’s a simple formula that you must follow.
First, know that 3500 calories equals to one pound. If there are 7 days in a week you can focus on decreasing 500 calories on a daily basis. Now you can either decrease 500 from food, 500 from exercise or 250 from both; food and exercise.
Decreasing 250 calories from food and exercise would be the best option since this will help you lose body fat and increase your lean muscle at the same time.
It’s a pretty simple schedule, but if you can decrease a minimum of 500 calories a day you’ll see 1 pound gone each week!
Double that amount per day and you’ll see a decrease of 2 pounds a week!
That’s how simple and easy it is to shed 1-2 pounds a week!
And in a months time you can see a decrease of up to 8 pounds…

The final paragraph hits it on the head, 3500 calories equals 1lb, split that into 7 days per week equals 500 calories a day. Now I am not going to start counting calories, I know it wont last with me, but the theory is great, and i will use this as a trigger when thinking of weight loss. The positive feeling continues...........

Another week, another step in the right direction. It started great, Monday through to Thursday seen me on the bike and swinging the kettlebell on alternative night, but it came to a grind over the weekend due to work commitments. i did manage a long walk along the beach on Sunday to watch the speed boats, only to get caught in the downpour and soaked before getting back to the car!!
I have been sitting this morning thinking of a simple plan that wont see me pushed too hard that i wont see it through, and something that i can do so i can measure my progress. I have decided to split into three catagories. Firstly is cylcing. I have to admit I am loving being out on the bike, and will look to do a lot more off road stuff next year. I have a running track close to my house and am going to use that to measure my cycling, timing myself while increasing the distance. Secondly is the kettlebells, I have a simple routine i do where i do double handed swings broken up with press ups or some other free weight activity. I am going to do the same as the cycling, time and measure. Thirdly I am going to do simple press ups, increasing the amouth daily, or weekly, as this works on two areas I need to work on, arm and chest, and should be fairly straight forward to measure.
I wont write any routine down, like Monday Cycling, Tuesday kettlebells etc as that has been my downfall in the past. I will stick to the three disciplines, measure them and hopefully see the benefits. Oh, and i still haven't weighed myself.
Feeling positive about this, I know i can do it, i just need to catalogue much of what i have oalready been doing.

Last week I started writing down my fitness routine, and things went well. On Monday and Tuesday I was out on my bike, both approx 8 miles. Wednesday and Thursday I had the kettlebells out, keeping it simple with double handed swings, then Friday was out on the bike again this time for probably 6 miles. Saturday was a day of rest, and Sunday i went out for a long walk along Newburgh beach. I think I need to add more detail to my workouts, especially to the kettlebells, get some numbers involved so I have a better way of charting my progress!
one thing i haven't done yet is weigh myself, that should be done, once again to chart my progress!

I have decided the time is right for me to try and once again chart my progress. I have thought long and hard about it, and I feel i am in a much better place mentally to attempt this. I know i have tried and failed many times, unfortunately i am sure there are many in my shoes who have done exactly the same. But I feel i have made good progress over the last few weeks. My attitude towards food and exercise has changed, where before food was always in my thoughts, and seemed to be a noose round my neck at times, i now see it more as an energy source. I have kept things very simple, and it seems to be working. A lot of it goes down to planning. On Sunday I made a huge bowl of pasta with vegetables and put it into Tupperware boxes. I now have a healthy snack when i need one. If that option wasn't there, it would be too easy to snack on junk food. Last week i done the same with chicken and rice. Next week it will be something different.
The exercise is also going well, especially on the bike. On Sunday I went out for an hour, all round Bridge of Don, along the river through tillydrone and home. Last night i was out for 40 minutes, coming unstuck when i slipped on a wooden bridge due to the heavy rain. I have been looking into different routes and am going to go along the old Dyce to Ellon rail track which is now a path for walkers and cyclists. Will probably do this on Saturday.
i have printed off a weekly chart, which i have broken into sections for each day. I wont sit here and type up my great plans for the weeks and months ahead, that hasn't worked for me in the past, but I will fill out chart, and catalogue it here, so i have a permanent record, and something to analyse. For once i think i can do this. It feels good!

I am now more convinced than ever that finally, finally I am on the right path. It has taken me years to get it, but I understand the concept of weight loss, and am putting it in place. Trousers fit better, that's my main point of reference. I also feel fitter, I have been doing more cycling, which has been good, well when i am not getting soaked in the rain!! I didn't touch the kettlebell at all last week, so will get it out more this week.
The main aim of this blog was to track my fitness, to see where I started from, to look for inspiration, and I think i have moved away from that. But I am not going to start making bold promises, not yet. I have failed too many times when doing this, and the failure always affects me, certainly mentally I then find it harder to start again. At the moment i am in a good place, i am more active, and am going in the right direction.

Another book i have recently finished is The 21 indispensable Qualities of a Leader. Yet another book i received from my boss to read, and very easy to pick up and put down as the way it is written it is broken down into small section and little bites, full of quotes from famous leaders, politicians and culture heroes of past. Here's a sample of some

“Leadership is the capacity and will to rally men and women to a common purpose and the character which inspires confidence.” ~ Bernard Montgomery, British Field Marshal


“How can you have charisma? Be more concerned about making others feel good about themselves than you are making them feel good about you.” ~Dan Reiland, Vice President of Leadership Development, INJOY


“Competence goes beyond words. It’s the leader’s ability to say it, plan it, and do it in such a way that others know that you know how- and know that they want to follow you.” ~ John. C. Maxwell

The 21 Qualities of a leader as defined in the book are
Character
Charisma
Commitment
Communication
Competence
Courage
Discernment
Focus
Generosity
initiative
Listening
Passion
Positive Attitude
Problem Solving
Relationships
Responsibility
Security
Self Discipline
Servant hood
Teachability
Vision
It does give a good insight into how to behave as a leader. It was good to self evaluate, to look to see where I could change, and learn. But the same with Broken Windows, it goes to highlight the failings of others and this can be very frustrating. I have learned from this book not only in my work life but in my private life. The definitive message I got was that the easiest option isn't the best option, and that is something I have been guilty of in past. Being aware of the decisions I make and how the affect others is important, especially as I am no longer an independent single guy, I am a husband, a father, a supervisor, a team leader. Looking at the list, i felt that character was the most important Quality, and if you could grow your character the others would follow. I am trying to put it into practice, lets hope someone notices!!

I promised i was going to speak about the books i have been reading lately, so lets start with the book that has left the biggest impression on me. Broken Windows Broken Business was written by Michael Levine. The synopsis from Amazon is below
Social psychologists and law enforcement officials tend to agree that if a window in a building is broken and left un- repaired, all the rest of the windows will soon be broken and the neighborhood will soon go downhill. According to Levine, the same theory is applicable to the world of business. Examples of this principle in action include: JetBlue, which figured out that giving fliers what they really want (leather seats, personal televisions, etc...) when they travel was the absolute key to success * Google, because of its extraordinary and reliable customer accessibility, was able to break out of the clutter of all the Internet search engines. * On the downside, McDonalds lost its edge in recent years when their "Broken Windows" of sloppy eating areas and unsanitary bathrooms began to drive customers away * Same goes for Kmart, which lost sight of its customer base by trying to go upscale. In BROKEN WINDOWS, BROKEN BUSINESS, Michael Levine offers the theory that all problems in business stem from the tiniest details and by extrapolating all the "small" remedies into a much larger plan, these items can stimulate business growth and keep customers coming back for more.

Reading the book wasn't that overwhelming at the time. My obvious reference point was my work, and we have signed up to the Broken Windows concept, it was my boss that gave me the book to read. I tried to relay what i read with what happened at my work with little success. It wasn't until after I read the book that it started to make more sense. One Sunday i took my daughter to the cinema. Instead of queueing for our tickets at the box office, we had to queue at the popcorn stand, adding 10 minutes to our wait, meaning we missed the start of the film I thought to myself. The week after I had to MOT my car. I went to a shop to buy a paper to read while i was waiting. The queue took forever, while the manager sat at an empty til doing some paperwork. Another broken window I thought. And then the list grew. I would notice more and more things that were broken windows, things that made us perceive businesses as sloppy and things that may make us choose not to use these businesses in the future. Even this morning, as I drove into work, i was sat behind a van, owned by the same company my brother works for. Now I know that this company is having major internal problems, a major broken window. But the van that i seen this morning was neat, clean, and even had the name of the company on the license plate. It also had all the usual information like the service they provided, contact details etc. Very professional i thought. I then noticed a van which had the complete opposite effect. It looked a mess, the van was dirty, the information on it was unclear, and it looked very unprofessional. The fact the driver didn't give me right of way in rush hour is beside the point. But it got me thinking of how that two vans give totally different messages to potential clients. If you had to choose a plumber, or sparky based on this criteria, and lets be honest quite often we will employ someone to do a job for us without a recommendation, then which one would you choose?
The downside of this book, is now I question nearly everything. what does the state of the pot holes in Aberdeen say about the council? What does the state of my garden say about me? everything i see or hear about, or read about is a potential broken window!! But I have also put the concept into my own life, i know what my short to medium term aim in life is, and I know how to identify the broken windows in my life, and hopefully, how to repair them!!

Common Sense has prevailed. I went out to Inverurie yesterday to clean mums lock block, and she said she was going to phone and let the breeder know she wasn't taking the dog. We discussed it and she agreed with what i said. This does mean she is intent on getting a dog, and it does make sense in some ways, but we will go about it the proper way. Next week, the Cat and Dog Home!!

My mum has went and arranged to get a puppy. As you can imagine i freaked when she told me. What happened was my aunt had got a puppy, a papillion, this week. when my mum seen it she wanted one, so she phoned the breeder who had one left. It comes tomorrow. I am at my wits end. I discussed it all with her, and told her why i thought it was a bad idea. She agreed with some points but said she was getting it anyway. I asked her to hold off for a few months, but she wouldn't budge. I told her after all I had said was she still going to ignore me. She said yes. I asked why. She said because she wanted a dog and that was it. I now don't know if i should phone the breeder and tell her my mother isn't fit to get a dog, or if i should let it happen and deal with the consequences. Obviously I don't know what the consequences are yet. It may all work out great. She had a papillion as a child and is very excited. She will have a companion. She can get out into the open air with it. That's the plus sides. The down sides are numerous. She still cant look after herself properly. The reason she walks so much is her blood sugars are high and she exercises to take it down. Will she be so keen to walk when her blood sugars are stable? The weather is great just now, not so in January, is she prepared to walk it then? This is a puppy she is getting, is she prepared for it to chew everything in the house. What about when it shits, all over the garden, will she keep it clean for her grand kids, at the moment she cant even keep her weeds under control. What about the cost? Okay there is the £400 but there is food, vets bills, toys etc. All this on a pension? What about the long term commitment? This do could well live into double figures, the last time I spoke to the diabetic nurse she told me if my mum couldn't control her diabetes she would need to go into a home! What about the dog then? At the moment i want to walk away, have nothing to do with the situation, but i cant. I am going to visit her today, and to clean her patio for her, I am sure it will be a tense afternoon!

Visited Davie last night. The doctors advised him to get a second opinion. He is off to Edinburgh tomorrow to meet a consultant who is flying up from London for the Open and has agreed to meet him. He has to take his laptop and the CT Scan on disk with him. He may be clutching at straws but anything he can do he should. It may mean more chemo but if that gives him more time with his daughter then that is a good thing. Hopefully I will hear more this weekend.
On a personal front, i have been feeling more positive about things, my clothes are starting to fit better, and I am enjoying being active. I am considering starting a new plan, but my concern is it doesn't work out, and history repeats itself. I need to work out whats best. At the moment, i am plodding along and i am happy, maybe that is what will work for me better than anything else. i have no idea my weight, how fit/unfit i am and maybe things are going well because I don't know these things. I wont push thing. But for the first time in ages i feel i am doing things right. I avoid junk food, I haven't had much alcohol, and I am active, wither with the kettlebell, on my bike, in the garden or with Aisha. One small step.........

its not been a great few days. My mate Dave was taken into hospital this week with bad stomach pains. That was Tuesday. I went up to hospital on Thursday to see him. He reminded me of my dad when he was ill. His head looked too big in proportion to his body. He has wasted away to nothing. When i went into his room his girlfriend was with him. His jaundice had returned. He said they suspected the cancer had got into the liver. This hadn't been confirmed but a CT Scan had been run and he expected the results on Tuesday the 13th.
the stomach pains were caused because he couldn't pass anything. He had to have an enema to relieve him of the pain. While in conversation he also mentioned he was now diabetic. Like it was a normal every day occurrence like watching a soap opera!! We chatted about diabetes, as my knowledge of the subject has increased greatly over the last few months. I tried to lift his spirits, tried to put a smile on his face, tried to be "normal" whatever the hell that is, tried just to be a friend for him. Then yesterday i got a call to say the specialist had visited him and advised him the cancer was very aggressive and there was nothing they could do for him. He wont see this Christmas. He wont share his daughters first Christmas with her. He wont see his 41st birthday. life just seems so wrong at times. A nicer guy you couldn't meet. to watch him deteriorate has been awful. To watch him die will be tragic. I am going to give him and his family some space before I visit. I know it will be the hardest visit I have ever had to make. Knowing someone has been dealt a death sentence, but I will make it, because however hard it may feel like for me, its not a scratch on how hard its going to be for Davie!

This week

Its been a very busy week at work, a new guy started Thursday and trying to run the show and train someone is proving tricky, but we will get there. The weather has been good and i have been out at nights on my bike, riding through Brig O Balgownie, down to Seaton Park and along the River Don. You sometimes forget what a beautiful country we have, but being out and about makes you appreciate it.
Aisha has now finished at Braehead primary and the school holidays have begun. she seems excited about going to a new school but we will see closer the time. We nearly went two weeks with dry pants but she had an accident last night. She seemed more upset than anything, which is probably a good sign.
I have been reading a lot lately, some books i have received from my new boss others i have picked up myself. They include The Goal, Broken Windows Broken Business, 21 Indispensable Qualities of a Leader and How to Win Friends and Influence People. I will go over them in more details next week. For now I am off to enjoy the rays!

At this moment in time, everything is going in the right direction. My mum is getting closer to controlling her diabetes. She hasn't been hypo in three weeks. the wine is definitely the source of the problems. The next stage is to get her diet stable, and to get her mental thoughts away from what her blood sugar levels are, but i think we are getting there. The diabetic nurse told me if she cant sort it out she will need to go into a nursing home, but i have some faith.
Aisha is also doing better, last week was the very first week she has been completely dry for 7 full days. That even included a school trip where she normally has most accidents. Kim spoke to a mother who's son is autistic and he still has problems wetting himself at 9. Not what she wanted to hear! We have a meeting next week with various support staff to discuss Aisha's school move.
The trousers are fitting better, and i think the weight is starting to come off, but i haven't weighed myself. The diet is definitely cracked, i know what i have to do and am doing it. The exercise has been disappointing but i ain't beating myself up about it, i am very active with gardening and painting fences, and the summer nights makes it all the easier. Tonight I pick up Aisha's new bike. She is desperate to learn to ride her bike, the complete opposite as last year when she fell and had that mental scar. If all goes well i will buy a bike rack for the car and we can head off to the country to explore!!

Northumberland

Last week we had a family holiday in the North of England, staying in a Haven caravan site. We stayed there two years ago, and once again scored, with a clean tidy caravan, not like some of the horror stories we had heard about. The weather was poor, only seeing the sun once we came back over the border to Scotland. It was great to get some real quality time with Kim and Aisha, work is going to be hectic over the next few weeks with people leaving, so we had to make the best of what opportunity we had. Aisha is starting to come round to the idea of starting a new school and we are all getting excited at the prospect of what lies ahead.
I made a decision not to take my mobile phone with me, i didn't phone my mum while i was away, i left it all in Dave's hands. When i got back on the Friday i phoned her and asked how she had been. She told me on the Monday and Tuesday she hadn't eaten as her blood sugar levels were sky high. I freaked when i heard. I told her if she cant get to grips with her diabetes i was going to get carers in to watch her eat and a nurse in to take her blood sugar levels and leave her with no input. I thought scare tactics might work!! She hasn't drank wine for over two weeks and in that time hasn't been hypo, so we at least have found the missing link. The problem is i don't want to tell her not to drink again, but i cant guarantee if she does drink she wont eat enough to stop her going hypo. Oh the dilemma!! the diabetic doctor is to phone her next Monday, her birthday, to discuss things. I will speak to her today as well. Mums carer phoned this week for an update and said things were going OK, but her anger issues start to rear their ugly head when mums asked things like have you had something to eat, or more accurately, don't you think you should have something to eat. This is an issue we still need to address properly.

Kim turned 39 yesterday. I have noticed a real change in her over the last few days. Yesterday i gave her a spa visit for her birthday, which included a facial and deep tissue massage. The masseur told her she would need to come back for more sessions as she couldn't shift the knots in her right side of her neck and shoulders with just one session. She is also off to get her hair styles today. This pampering is a little step in her recovery. Last night we had parents night at school and Aisha's report was good, but in the back of our minds we knew she was leaving and the report didn't mean that much. Onwards and Upwards!!

On Saturday i got a call from my mums carer, she was found hypo and in quite a bad way. An ambulance was called and she had to be injected with glucose solution. A pan of soup was burning on the hob. I phoned her afterwards and she was very upset. I phoned her again later that day and asked if she had had something to eat. She said no because her sugar level was very high. I told her, that's because you've just been injected with glucose. After all that's been said and done the penny still wasn't dropping. Anyway, i phoned her carer and discussed things with her. the pattern seems to be she drinks wine on a Friday, goes hypo Saturday, then struggles to control things from then on. So i phoned mum today and told her i don't want her drinking for the next three weekends. If the diabetes gets sorted, we know the wine is the route of all our problems. We can then address it. Everyone is 100% convinced that is the problem and we need to get a solution to keep everyone happy. My mum likes to drink wine on a Friday and Saturday night. Who am i to tell her no. But the high sugar content means she goes hypo on the Saturday as the blood sugar level drops. To avoid this she needs to eat while drinking, then have a good solid breakfast the next day. But we aren't at that place yet where she can do this with any control. Not yet anyway.....

ADOS

Here the conclusion to the Autism Diagnostic Observation Schedule Aisha had done back in February

"Aisha did score above the cut-off for Communication and Reciprocal Social Interactions, but throughout this report, I have explained many of these difficulties with Aisha's marked social anxiety and shyness. It therefore remains quite uncertain as to whether Aisha does have any Autism Spectrum Disorder, but the overall feeling, by the examiners is that her general use of facial expression, gesture and non-verbal communication would be inconsistent with autism Spectrum Disorder"

We received this back from the hospital this week, a three month wait!! Coincidentally Aisha had a routine school doctors appointment. Kim took the letter to show her, and she advised a definite conclusion would come from the Psychiatrists assessment. Also did we know there was a support group in Bridge of Don? Kim got the groups number and phoned that night. Speaking to the girl Karen was great for Kim, someone who understands what she has been through as a parent. She also told her that Scotstown primary school, a stones throw from our house, has a Autistic support group within the school and that she thought there was one place left in Aisha year. You could physically see the change in Kim after the conversation. First thing next day Kim was at Scotstown School meeting with the head. She advised there were 14 kids with Autism at the school and even with the ADOS report she would happily admit Aisha for next term. But we needed a Doctors referral. So Kim stomped home and Phoned Dr Daud, Aisha's paediatrician. He apologies for the slow process and happily agreed to write a referral for Aisha. She was in, starting August!! Finally Kim spoke to the Educational Psychologist, Mrs McGregor, who's attitude in the past has left a lot to be desired!! She told Kim there was no way she could just walk into a school and get her daughter admitted. Kim told her she could and she had. she said she needed a doctors referral. Kim assured her this was in place. she then backtracked and said oh well I will need to speak to the headmistress. Various calls from various people took place before Kim finally heard for definite she Aisha was moving school!!
The difference in Kim has been amazing. The difference in Aisha will be amazing. Maybe, just maybe this is the start of my family finding its way again!!

Failure

"Ever Tried. Ever Failed. No Matter. Try Again. Fail Again. Fail better"

This is a quote from Samuel Beckett I read the other day and thought it highlighted my struggle with weight loss. No doubt I am better informed than i was a year ago. Maybe too well informed. Maybe reading every report, like the one in the Evening Express last night that says diet is the only important aspect of weight loss, not exercise, has done more damage than good. Less is more as they say. Anyway, i am now in a better place mentally, have decided my plan of action, and are taking steps to change. This week i have been out on the bike, when it hasn't been torrential rain, and it feels good. The thighs have been burning, the lungs have been filled, and the good thing about cycling is no matter how hard i push myself, my body doesn't lock for three days afterwards. I have also been swinging the kettlebell. Surprisingly, i hadn't tried a one handed swing properly until this month when i got Rays May schedule. I couldn't believe how much it worked my biceps, i really felt it straight away. I have just about finished the Brain Wave book and am ready to put into action, lets hope its all that it promises to be.

i get it

I finally get it. All the fannying about i have done, and i now get it. Eat less, exercise more. Not rocket science. Nothing Revolutionary. Eat less, exercise more. I don't know if i have just came out of a winter slump where my brain hast been working, or more to the point where i haven't been listening. But now i get it. Eat less, work more. Life is simple, we make it complicated. I am going back to basics. No food diaries, no fasting, nothing fancy, just eat less, and exercise more.
Last week i finally realised the secret to success, it just dawned on me while digging the garden, that me trying to complicate things, trying to jazz them up by giving them a title or a name, was the thing that was hurting me the most. Lets just forget all that and keep it simple. That will be the secret to my success.
My mum's still a concern, but i had to make a conscious decision to stand back and concentrate on Aisha and Kim, they have been needing me more lately. Mum is still struggling with her diabetes, and i don't think she ever will be able to control it. My concern is every time she goes hypo she just does herself a little bit more damage. I try to help as best i can, but I know it pisses her off me constantly asking the same questions. We still haven't addressed her anger issues but we will soon.
Aisha is getting better with keeping herself dry, she's still not 100% but she's close. Her behaviour is up and down. We are still waiting for the final assessment so they can confirm she is on the Autism spectrum. This will mean we can look at getting her help at school. This will be a big weight off Kim's shoulders.
i have been reading about Brain Wave Vibrations as i heard it can be good for both autism and spinal injuries. This would be ideal to help both Aisha and Kim. Not even halfway through the book yet though!
The sun is shining today, life is good. Long may it continue!

its been nearly three weeks since my last post. In that time I have had a weeks holiday which was great, being out in the fresh clean air, doing the normal chores like gardening!! This year we are trying to go as much veggies as we can, we have carrots, tatties, onions, courgettes, salad leaves and tomatoes. Our garden isn't really designed for a vegetable patch but we will try and make the best of what space we have.
Aisha started her new school last week, part of the three R's project with Aberdeen Council. she will have the benefit of it for over five years and i think it will make a big difference to all the kids.
She was back having her eyes checked yesterday and we still need to use the patch for another three months.
We had a meeting with mum yesterday. At it were two of her carers, the diabetic nurse, the social worker mum and myself. Main topic was her diabetes. It was decided she will have three meals a day plus a snack at night, take her blood sugar level three times a day and the nurse will adjust her insulin levels when required. We discussed at length the problems, all that are caused because mum lets her blood sugar levels dictate her diet. We also discussed getting some psych analysis done in regard to her anger issues, which i believe are new and a consequence of the brain damage she suffered. The meeting lasted two hours and once it was done Mum asked me if i wanted a sandwich. she them attempted to take her blood sugar level. when i asked her what she was doing, she said she wanted to check to see if she could have a sandwich. I don't know if her short term memory has been affected but it is very concerning. Maybe when we speak with her GP we might have a better idea of what options we have to address this.
I haven't weighed myself for weeks, but have continued to exercise when i can, but nothing structured. The big difference is the lighter nights and better weather, it certainly makes you want to get out and about more. winter is starting to become a distant memory. I don't know what i will do about the weight loss, to be honest i haven't thought much of it lately, as i have been focused on other things. I need to address it as i seem to be more aware that as i get older, carrying this extra weight has bigger health issues and puts me at higher risk for things like diabetes.

its been over a fortnight since i last posted anything. its been a hectic time, culminating in me being treated for bowel spasms today. I spent last night doubled up in pain with stomach cramps. Fortunately the medication i received has started to work already.
Kim was diagnosed as having Sciatica last week, he damaged the nerve sitting in an inflatable chair no less. Her back goes into spasms and locks, so she will need physiotherapy and drugs to alleviate the pain. As much as we try to fight it, we are starting to show our age!!
Aisha has been diagnosed as being within the Autistic Spectrum, with aspects of Asbergers syndrome. As the consultant said, she is a very complex wee girl. The patches to help her bladder are making a huge difference. We are now waiting on the Clinical Psychologist to meet with her to fine tune the assessment, categorise where she appears on the spectrum and decide what help she requires.
My mum will also be getting a psychologist assessment. Last week i was out visiting her while her carer was there. We were discussing her diabetes and how she controls it when she just lost it, swearing her head off at the carer. I was completely shocked. After she had calmed down, i tried speaking to her but she was a different person, all subdued. I phoned the carer that night and she explained that this was fairly typical behaviour of my mum when she got angry. Always about the littlest thing. So we decided the best thing was to get an assessment done. To be honest, i am worried what they will find, and what action they decide needs to be taken!!

Friday past seen me receiving some sad news. A friend of mine, Davie, had been ill for a few weeks. He had started showing definite signs when he started to get Jaundice. He had lost his appetite and then started getting stomach pains. When the jaundice was diagnosed they ran a CT scan and it showed he had a tumour on his pancreas. The tumour is sitting on a vein and they don't want to operate as it is so he will have 5 weeks of chemotherapy before 5 weeks of rest and then the operation followed, most likely by more chemotherapy. When i spoke to him on Friday he was obviously down and i gave him two examples in my experience with Cancer. My Friend Pat who is still going strong, much down to his positive attitude, and my father who gave up the fight before it began and died within 6 months. I told him he had a choice, which path do you want to follow. Fortunately for him he has recently had a baby girl, and this can be his focus, his goal to beat this. He has another appointment today to confirm dates etc with the surgeon.
I fell out with my mum on Friday, the first time since my dad died. She refuses through choice, or through her mental issues, to listen to my advise on how to control her diabetes. I phoned her today to ask how she was and she told me she had went hypo again yesterday. I try to assure her my only concern is her well being but i feel she only hears me nagging her now. I need to address this. I will have a meeting with her carers soon to hear their concerns.
I have been doing a fair bit of running lately, trying to improve my stamina. Slowly but surely i am noticing a difference. I watched a bit of Eddie Izzard last night in amazement at his achievements, and will use that as an inspiration.
The weekend was great with the sun shining, it now feels like we are out of winter and spring really has sprung!!

the restructuring at work has taken place and i am now working out of a portacabin. Truth be told its not as bad as i thought it would be but that wont stop me looking elsewhere for work. I have met with an agency and applied for a couple of jobs. Next month See's the new budgets put in place, which should see the job market expand and hopefully more opportunities.
Mum has been good this past couple of weeks, she seems to be controlling her diabetes far better than usual. The flip side is that Aisha has been having a terrible time of it. She is now on patches for her wetting, and they seem to be working, but getting to this point has been a struggle. The first lot of medication gave her diarrhea. when she came off this, her wetting got worse, as bad as it ever was. She then got tablets that didn't have any effect. Her bladder seemed to fill up like it was supposed to, but the message to the brain to go pee wasn't happening. One night she peed 4 times from 7.30pm to 6.30am, a definite sign things were worse. then on Friday she was given patches, which she keeps on for four days. these are working a treat, she has been dry for three days straight. The bladder fills properly, and the message to the brain is clear. Long may it continue!!
The light nights are nearly here, and the bike has been dusted down, looking forward to getting out and about!!
My good friend Pat got the news he was hoping for, he has been added to the transplant list. i really never had any doubt he would be, i knew his positive outlook would convince the consultants he should be considered. I wish at key times, when i moan about the little things in life that annoy me, like work, i could take a step back and look at Pat's battle and compare my own petty problems. It might make me keep my mouth shut. Well, maybe not!!

the easiest day is yesterday

This weeks been really tough. The only way i can describe it, is like a baseball player having balls thrown at him and as he tires he finds it hard to bat them away. That seems to be me this week, i am really struggling to cope this week. I can see it in my head, the lack of ability to deal with the drip drip drip of problems. Aisha's medicine had to be stopped because of the diarrhea she was getting. The downside was her wetting got ten times worse. One night i put her to bed at 7.30pm. she peed before she went to bed, then when i went to take her for a pee at 10.30pm her bed was soaking. she got really upset at this. She has never been like that. This must be a reaction to the medicine still being in her system. We now have tablets to take once a day, lets hope they have no side effects.
work has been tough. The reality of the changes has hit home. it seems each day i get a reminder of my new position in the company. I am finding it really hard to accept the years of hard work has been rewarded by a demotion and a move to a portacabin. I know the truth is we are all a number, and that i only go here to earn a wage. But i find it hard to have it all ripped away from me. I have been thinking about my dad this week for obvious reasons and maybe, all the changes i am going through are effecting me far more than they should!!
The icing on the cake was Kim was paid off on Wednesday. Looking forward to next week already!!

Last Monday seen us up at the hospital for a follow up to Aisha's bladder scan. The specialist advised she has an over active bladder and has prescribed medicine to be taken 3 times a day. He advised there may be side effects, which there has been, she has got diarrhea. But there are alternatives which we will get. We already have noticed a difference so fingers crossed this will be the cure to this problem.
Friday was the last day of our logistics department at work. I have in effect been demoted and am no longer a supervisor. Two of the girls have moved to a new department in our new head office. The change made me surprisingly sad. I have worked closely with Denise for years and she is by far the best colleague i have had. I'm really going to miss her. The new dept that is left is going to push us to the limit, I can only see heartache to follow.
Yesterday was the first anniversary of dad's passing. Me, Dave and Mum went to the garden of remembrance. It was nice to reflect on happy memories. Mum is coping well with it.

I had a good weekend this weekend. I was in work on Saturday morning, then watched UP with Aisha on Saturday afternoon. This has to be the best animated film released for years. Then at night i watched The Firm, a remake of the 80's football casual film. As someone who was involved in this culture i always take great notice of these films. This one is one of the better ones, though the plot and characters aren't great, this one stands out because the fight scenes are the most realistic I have come across. Coming off the train and meeting an opposing mob, you would always be cagey, sussing each other out. Some films show fighting like a hollywood blockbuster, which never happened. The original of this film, which starred Gary Oldeman, wasn't believable to me, but this one is, with the right blend of fashion, which to many was the most important aspect of the whole scene, the fighting, for which to others was the only important thing.
Sunday was a great day. In the morning i went down to the beach for a run. It was a glorious morning, with no wind and the sun shining. The sand was mostly covered in snow so i went to the raised dunes for a run, feeling it today!!
In the afternoon we went for a family run, ending up in Gardenstown, a small coastal fishing village. It was great to walk around, imaging how harsh life would have been living here years ago. The road from there to Fraserbourgh is nice and Windy, fun to drive, not so fun for my co-pilot Kim!!
I have been looking at the bathroom and it is needing decorated. we put a new suite in a couple years back but scrimped on the decorating, so need to address that. Not so easy with no money. So i am going to start a project where i am going to attempt to raise £1000. This will be done by selling off old books, CD's, etc on Ebay. Decluttering they call it!!
Today i have a half day as we have another appointment with the children's hospital. After Aisha's scan of her bladder we now have to sit down with the specialist to decide what can be done!!

its been a while

Its been over two weeks since my last post, due to the fact i have been off work. I have had holidays to use up and needed to get away from the place. the rest done me the world of good. I got to spend some quality time with the family. Aisha had a few hospital appointments. One was a test for Autism. This was really tough to watch. Me and Kim sat in the room and watched as aisha sat with a psychologist and done a series of tests. She was given toys and asked to make a story with them, or to build something. As the test went on she clammed up and communication stopped. It was so hard to watch her without being able to help her. After an hour she was given a pen and paper and this seemed to change her as she found a new way to communicate. After the test both the psychologist and doctor said she had done well. We are still waiting for the results. another appointment she had was to get her bladder X-Rayed. She still continues to wet herself. The test was a simple scan the same as a pregnant mother would have, but with a full then empty bladder. Her full bladder had 95ml of urine but when she went to empty it she still had 15ml left, so she isn't emptying her bladder properly. This may mean she feels she wants to pee most of the time and holds off until she is bursting, and inevitably ends up wetting herself. We have another meeting next week to discuss what can be done to help her.

She also had her eyes tested again. This went really well. She has astigmatism in her right eye, and it is slightly weaker than her left eye. As the eye sight still improves until the age of 7, we are putting a patch on her for two hours a day to try and help it. She has to be watching TV or playing her Nintendo DS, something that requires the eyes to focus. We will be back in three months to see if there is any improvement.

I also spent some time with mum. Her carers are really struggling with her just now. The main issue is her lack of ability to control her diabetes. She is going hypo three times a week sometimes more. On Monday i phoned her at 5pm and she told me she was hypo coming home on the bus, and her carer had to help her home as she couldn't walk. A neighbour ran out and help as well. Then at 9pm that night i got a phone call from her carer to say she couldn't get in to mums house and she had went hypo again. I went out on the Tuesday and had a talk with her, telling her what she had to do, what to eat etc. the carer told me that night the conversation had a big impact on her. then the next day i phoned her to see how she was and within 24 hours of our talk she had slipped back into her old ways. I don't know if she is ever going to be able to sort it out. The carer, the nurse and myself are meeting in a month or so to decide a way forward.

The diet/fitness regime has been going okay, but the weight wont shift. I feel better for it, definitely. But the weight is still a major issue. I know the reason why. I eat a fairly decent diet, plenty of vegetables, fruit, and good honest Scottish cooking. I also enjoy a beer or two. For me to lose the weight I need to stop all that and really cut my calorie intake down. I need to get into boiled chicken instead of fried chicken. i thought by eating sensibly without making too much issue of it, along with exercise the weight would fall off. It hasn't. i have enquired about a weight loss programme through the Rowan Institute who are running a four week programme, aimed at losing about 5% of overall weight. It would mean daily visits for blood tests, and a very controlled diet. I'll see what info they send me to see if i am suitable.
The exercise is okay, last week i went down to the beach for a run. Christ, that was hard work, running in the sand. I am also still swinging the kettlebell when i can. the days are stretching and once the weather improves the bike will get dusted down!!

last week was good, and bad, and ok. Depends on which area of my life i look at. Good, the diet, still going, along with the fitness. Only lost a 1lb last week, but as long as i keep going in the right direction i am happy. Bad, work situation. I have been demoted due to restructuring, and my overtime will be completely shot down, to a bare minimum. This could be £500 plus a month off my pay slip. I could handle that, more time at home etc, but then Kim went and got paid off. So another £500 plus a month gone. In one week we have lost a grand a month. A bit shell shocked with it all but at this moment nothing we can do. Ok, Mum is doing fine, has her moments but ticking along nicely. will go into more depth this week when i have time. My time management has been poor this week, i don't know if it is a winter thing but motivation has been tough. But, gotta keep on going!!

last night i completed 250 kettle bell swings, doing 5 x 30 sets followed by 4 x 25. My thighs were burning by the end but i felt good. This morning i was out again at 5.45am for another short running session. I am going to stick to the same routine until i start to notice a difference. At the moment I am still breathing out my arse by the end of it!!

Last Week

Last week wasn't so good, pulled my back and struggled with any fitness. Picked Aisha up without bending my knees and felt stiff at the base of my spine. Went out for a run on Wednesday and didn't feel good, felt heavy round the bottom of my back like i was pounding on it. Kept off it the rest of the week.
Weighed myself this morning and still the same, 97kg. No surprise there. Went out at 5.45am for a run and felt much better in the back, i can now get back into the kettlebell/press up routine. there's something good about being out that early, no one around, music playing on the ipod, still half asleep.
This week i plan to run in the mornings and alternate evenings with the kettlebell and press ups. I wont combine them in a routine but do them separate to ensure I do both correct, better to get the technique right at this stage.
Last week was very busy on three fronts, work, Mum and Aisha. I need to get out whats in my head about these, to try some self therapy in a way. Last week my head was muddled, and i didn't know to cry and scream. This week i am more focused on what i need to do. More to come through the week.

This weekend was quiet, i was on call with work and the weather, especially Saturday was terrible. I managed to complete my kettlebells quota for the week but little else. This morning I weighed myself and i am down to 97 kilos. I felt a bit disappointed. I know that 1 kilo loss is good, and moving in the right direction, but I don't feel any fitter/healthier/livelier. This is probably the main reason why people struggle to lose weight, It takes so bloody long.
Anyway onwards and upwards, This week will see more kettlebells and press ups, maybe done differently, but more focus on running now the streets are clean. Time to try and build my stamina.

Last night i went through the same routine as Tuesday, alternating kettlebell swings and press ups. I found it just as hard this time, especially the press ups, i just don't have the strength in my arms yet. But it will come.
This weekend i need to keep my activities up, this is the biggest test so far, as this is usually where i fall down!

Tuesday night i went out for a run/walk interval training. The pavements were still iced over which made it hard. I really felt the extra weight i carry when i ran, and my legs became heavy really quickly. I also have quite low stamina which i will need to build up, it cant all be about weight loss!
Wednesday was a rest day, more because I was busy with other things more than anything else. Today i had route-canal treatment this morning. Amazing to think ten years ago this would have been a daunting prospect, yet now with the advance of medicine practices i didn't feel a thing, not even the injection as they rubbed the gum with anaesthetic before the injection. It made me think, for all those that have a fear of needles and injections, why don't they rub some anaesthetic onto their arm/thigh/arse before injecting them taking away the pain?
Tonight i am back on the kettlebell swings/press ups routine. Surprisingly i don't feel sore today after Tuesdays routine, I expected to be really stiff today.

really pushed myself last night. Split my 200 kettlebell swings into 10 sets of 20. In between each set i done a set of push ups. the full set is listed below. I struggled with the alternative shuffle press up as two reps are classed as one push up so didn't reach the 10 in them, and the diamond press up was completed but i know the proper technique wasn't used. But i will get better.
Tonight the snow has been replaced by rain so i will head out for some running interval training. If i have the energy i will then complete more kettlebell swings.

20 kettelbell swings
10 x wide press ups
20 kettelbell swings
10 x wide press ups
20 kettelbell swings
10 x wide press ups
20 kettelbell swings
10 x alternative shuffle press up
20 kettelbell swings
10 x alternative shuffle press up
20 kettelbell swings
10 x alternative shuffle press up
20 kettelbell swings
10 x diamond press up
20 kettelbell swings
10 x diamond press up
20 kettelbell swings
10 x diamond press up
20 kettelbell swings

Last week i forgot to weigh myself at the start of the week. I also miscalculated how many swings i had done, and came up 200 short!! This week i have weighed myself early Monday morning and come in at 98kgs. I have also drafted a spreadsheet so i can catalogue correctly what i am completing and how i am progressing. I tried to do it electronically but there is just something in me that finds it easier to hand write it out.
I visited my mum on Saturday to clear her path. She had 15 inches of snow in her front garden. Clearing a path was hard work, and i couldn't get down to the path, i left a good 3 inches of ice at the bottom. Warmer weather is predicted for the end of this week and i am sure everyone will be glad to see it gone. Well maybe not the skiers!!
Mum's been finding things tough lately, the weather prevents her from getting out, she is also off her anti-depressants, and cane be a bit short with me. I spoke to her carers who are also concerned, and have agreed to keep an eye on things!
I went to the football on Saturday, my first game for a while. Aberdeen easily won 2-0 and have unearthed two gems in Fraser Fyvie and Peter Pawlett. My prediction is both these will be in the Premiership by the time they are 21. There combined transfer value could clear Aberdeen's total debt if handled correctly by the club!
Things continue to be strained at home. Before Christmas we discovered Aisha had been tested for Autism while at nursery, but we were never informed of this. the results showed she was in the middle of the Autism spectrum but the lack of communication made it impossible for the test to be conclusive. The same test was done again, ironically by the same teacher and the results showed she was still within the Spectrum. As the letter from the Doctor stated, Aisha is a complex wee girl!! Kim was beside herself when she found out about the first test, as she had suspected for years Aisha was autistic but was reluctant to say.
Aisha still wets herself and Kim is finding this very hard to deal with. In fact its safe to say she is finding the whole issue hard to deal with. Not the fact Aisha has problems, but how to deal with them. It also has a knock on effect on our marriage which is being put under strain because of this. Differences of opinions before would be dealt with, now they are hard to deal with. Nothing we wont be able to see through, but still makes life hard. I plan to speak to the teacher and the school nurse today to see about getting some additional care, but these changes take time!

last night i went to the garage and done some kettlebell swings and some press ups. The hardest part of the lot? Keeping hold of the kettlebell in sub zero conditions! At least it helped keep my mind away from the burning sensation in my thighs!!

its been nearly a month since my last post. To be honest, not that much has happened, Christmas has came and gone, and a great time has been had by all. Drank too much, ate too much, the usual story really, but glad it is all over. Unfortunately with the weather being so bad, we cant get back to normality.
Over the festive season i wrote myself up a fitness plan. It consists of a variety of activities that i will chart to see my progress. One part of the plan was interval running. I went out on Monday night when the streets were covered in snow and it became clear running wasn't an option. I decided i could still go out for a walk, get the heart rate increased. Off I set into a blizzard. After 20 minutes walking the streets of Bridge of Don I contemplated phoning Mountain Rescue but the shame of it stopped me. By the time I got home I was virtually snow blind, and had the strange sensation of having burning thighs while at the same time they felt like blocks of ice. But it felt good to be out. I had dressed for the occasion so Frost bite wasn't an issue.
The next day I cleared the garage and I started Ray's January Kettlebell challenge, a 1000 kettlebell swings a week, plus a Turkish get up a day adding one rep a day. I still struggle with the Turkish get up, and more so while using my right arm, the weaker of the two, but will persevere to get there. I have also started a push up routine for the next 8 weeks to get rid of the man boobs.
2009 was a shit year, plain and simple, by the end of it my head was fuzzy and couldn't focus properly. Things would stir around my head for days when i should have just batted them off. This year I am feeling much better, thinking clearer. Time to focus on the things that are right, and ignore the rest.